Our heroes…probably should have had a plan.
Transcript is below the cut!
HANNAH
Hi everyone, Hannah here. Thanks for listening to episode five of Inn Between. As usual, I’m here to remind you that our patreon is now up and running at patreon.com/thegoblinshead, and to thank one of our generous patrons. Tessa, take it away.
TESSA
Gladly. We would like to thank Jen the Green Witch for her support of Inn Between. Thank you very much.
HANNAH
…Tessa, I think it’s pronounced GREN-itch.
TESSA
This paper you handed me clearly says Green Witch.
HANNAH
No, “witch” has a t in it.
TESSA
Well if Jen the Green Witch would like some tea in her, she should come to the Inn and get some! It’ll be on the house, dear.
HANNAH
Oh, boy. Uh, if you’d like Tessa to thank you before our next episode, head over to patreon.com/thegoblinshead. Right now we’re trying to get twenty patrons, which will not only allow us to pay the magnificent Katherine Ayers, it’ll mean we get to make a blooper reel! Thank you again for listening, and now…let’s go to the Inn.
Brief pause.
TESSA
Previously, on Inn Between…
Theme song.
MELTYRE
I found out how to break the curse, but you’re not gonna like it. We need the feathers of a cockatrice.
FINA
Where do you even find a cockatrice?
VELUNE
I know of a place…
STERLING
This approach will take stealth and care. Whatever you do, do not go barging in there.
FINA
Betty, no!
BETTY
(a wild battlecry, cut off abruptly)
AAAAAUUUUUGGHH—
(A strange noise, like stone cracking.)
Theme song. As it ends, rather than the normal tavern sounds, we only hear Tessa.
TESSA
Bring her right in here. Oh, watch the doorframe.
MELTYRE
Careful—careful—turn a little bit—no, too far!
Thunk.
VELUNE
(straining)
Mind the table.
STERLING
(through gritted teeth)
Would you hold up your end, Fina?
FINA
(laboriously)
Hey, I’m short, okay?
STERLING
I thought halflings were strong for their size.
FINA
You’re thinking of gnomes—Meltyre!
MELTYRE
Sorry, my hands are slipping!
STERLING
Can’t you levitate her again?
MELTYRE
I’m all out of magic.
TESSA
You lot can set her down right here.
STERLING
Not on her face!
FINA
She’s not going to balance on her feet, the cockatrice got her mid-leap!
STERLING
At least lean her facing up—Friar, if you would ease her this way? Carefully…
FINA
(strained)
Yeah, hate to break her. Hey, Betty, welcome back, here’s your hand.
MELTYRE
Slipping—this is a bad time for jokes!
FINA
All right all right all right! Quit your fussing.
STERLING
Set her down. Gently…
VELUNE
Watch your fingers.
Soft thud.
VELUNE
There we are. Tessa, thank you for opening up for us, we know it’s late.
TESSA
Not a problem, Friar. Not the first time I’ve opened the Goblin’s Head for such things, if you can believe it. I’ll be in the back if you need me.
STERLING
Thank you, ma’am.
A door creaks open and shut.
FINA
Ha. What a mess, huh? This’ll teach her to go running in without listening.
(knock knock knock)
Ground control to Major Tom. I know I’ve said she’s hardheaded, but this is ridiculous.
STERLING
You’re awfully glib about this.
FINA
Glib is my middle name. Gods, what a look. Someone should take a picture of her face.
MELTYRE
Take…a picture?
FINA
She always looks so lethal. Jeez. Right. Anyway—What’s the plan?
Silence.
FINA
Guys. The plan?
MELTYRE
Um…
VELUNE
I…don’t believe we had a contingency for this situation.
FINA
I—excuse me, we went in there without a plan?
STERLING
It was the size of a chicken. With a little finesse there shouldn’t have been a problem.
FINA
We knew this thing could turn us to stone and we didn’t figure out a way to unstone ourselves. That’s what you’re telling me.
VELUNE
That is about the sum of things, yes.
Awkward silence.
FINA
You numbskulls.
STERLING
Excuse me, I didn’t hear you bringing it up either.
FINA
Me? I thought you idiots had this covered! You let Betty get turned into a glorified pigeon toilet!
MELTYRE
Uh…here, let me check my master’s book. There’s got to be something in here…
Flipping pages in the background.
STERLING
This happened many years ago to one of the paladins in my order.
FINA
Yeah? And?
STERLING
She’s…still in the courtyard of the temple.
FINA
Well great, some help you are, Paladon’t!
VELUNE
I know of a spell that is meant to repair this damage. I’m not sure it’s within my capabilities, though.
FINA
Now would be the time to give it a shot, doncha think, Velune?
VELUNE
I…I will try.
FINA
Yeah? hurry?
VELUNE
Right. Um. (reverently) My Lord Pelor, please, spare some of your radiant power for your servant, to save this woman’s life.
Quiet.
FINA
Why is nothing happening?
VELUNE
I’m sorry, Fina. Really I am.
FINA
Try again.
VELUNE
That’s not how it works.
FINA
(frustrated)
Kid! Anything?
MELTYRE
Nothing. There’s—there’s not even an entry for this.
FINA
What?
MELTYRE
It’s—no, there’s nothing. (pages stop turning) I—what are the other options?
FINA
This isn’t happening.
STERLING
I assumed you had something prepared, Meltyre.
MELTYRE
I assumed Velune knew what to do! You knew where to find the thing!
VELUNE
I’m afraid we all share the blame for this. It never occurred to me that anything untoward would happen, and to Betty of all people…
FINA
There’s got to be a potion, or a spell or something, anything, gods! …What do we do now?
MELTYRE
Maybe we can…do some more research or something.
STERLING
I’m not so sure. That paladin I mentioned—the priests tried just about everything. Some of the cures were time-sensitive, so when they got her back to the temple it was already too late—
FINA
Stop, stop right there.
STERLING
We might have already missed our chance.
FINA
(voice wavering)
Did I not tell you to stop! Gods, just—shut up and—
MELTYRE
All this arcane knowledge at our disposal and we can’t fix this one stupid mistake?
FINA
(holding back tears)
Don’t say that! Don’t say we can’t fix it! We have to fix it!
VELUNE
Oh dear. Come here, Fina.
FINA
(through tears.)
She’s my best friend, Velune, I can’t lose her like this!
VELUNE
(soothingly)
Ssh. I know, I know.
Fina just cries.
STERLING
This is unforgivable. How could we do this, and to one of our own number?
MELTYRE
We’re not going to give up on this, right? We can’t just lose Betty.
VELUNE
Certainly not. There, there, dear, it’s going to be all right.
Fina sniffles a few times, and then quiet. After a moment, a door swings open and shut.
TESSA
And how are things coming along in here?
STERLING
Gods, what is that smell?
TESSA
A little something I was cooking up. May I trouble you for a moment?
STERLING
(lowering his voice)
I…I suppose so, Miss Tessa, although this really isn’t the time.
TESSA
You mentioned a cockatrice?
STERLING
Yes.
TESSA
I could really make use of a few of the feathers for this here brew, if you have any.
VELUNE
This really doesn’t seem the time.
MELTYRE
It’s fine, we have plenty. Uh…here. (shuffling)
TESSA
Thank you kindly. (bloop, bloop) And Fina, dear, if you would help me with something.
VELUNE
Really, Tessa, leave her be—
TESSA
Could you help me ladle this onto your friend here?
FINA
What? Why?
TESSA
To wake her up, of course.
MELTYRE
Are—are you serious?
TESSA
I don’t need any new statuary, last I checked, thank you. Here, Fina, take the ladle.
FINA
You—you’re sure this will work?
TESSA
It has the last seven or eight times.
(scraping of a spoon and goopy noises)
I told you, this has happened before. Now, there you are, just scoop that on there. Like that, yes.
STERLING
(angry)
You let us believe we’d lost Betty for good?
TESSA
Then maybe this will be a lesson to you lot.
FINA
How long does it take to work?
BETTY
(cracking stone noise and the abrupt end of the battlecry)
—AAAUUUUUGGH!!
MELTYRE
Woah! Woah!
TESSA
Gracious!
FINA
Betty! Sweetheart, it’s okay! It’s us. Ssh. It’s okay.
BETTY
(roaring)
Where is it?
FINA
We got the cockatrice. We’re safe.
BETTY
And the feathers?
FINA
We got those too.
BETTY
(calming down)
We’re back at the tavern?
FINA
Yeah, we brought you back.
VELUNE
Ah, praise the gods you’re all right!
FINA
You are, aren’t you? You’re all right?
BETTY
Yeah.
FINA
Good. (smack)
(getting more emotional as the line goes on)
Don’t you ever (smack) run in without us like that (smack) ever again!
BETTY
Stop hitting my leg.
FINA
(still weepy)
(smack) Not until you’ve learned your lesson, you stupid—
BETTY
Your tiny fists do nothing.
FINA
—dumb idiot. (through tears) No more dying ever again, you hear me?
STERLING
This was too close for comfort, and from the bottom of my heart, I apologize, Betty. We shouldn’t have let this happen.
BETTY
Who killed it?
MELTYRE
Uh…I did, actually.
BETTY
Nice work, kid.
MELTYRE
Thanks. I’m uh. I’m glad you’re okay.
BETTY
Hungry, though.
TESSA
Well, there might just be something leftover from supper.
VELUNE
Would you like a hand with that?
TESSA
Why yes, thank you, Friar.
STERLING
(shaken)
Our thanks to you, madame. I don’t know what we would have done without you.
TESSA
You’ll have to figure that out for next time. Come along, Friar.
Door swings.
BETTY
Don’t beat yourself up, Sterling.
STERLING
We should have done s—
BETTY
My fault. I didn’t listen.
STERLING
Even so. We should have thought of this.
BETTY
So? We do better next time.
MELTYRE
Right. I guess I’ve got a lot of research to do. The last ingredient is a little tricky.
FINA
And no more dying.
BETTY
You can let go of my leg.
FINA
Not a chance.
Theme song.
TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between…
STERLING
Meltyre, just to be clear. You’re saying the final ingredient is a piece of one of the suns?
MELTYRE
Uh…Yes.
VELUNE
Seems…reasonable.
FINA
Sure. Why not.
Credits:
Episode 5, “The Stone” was written and directed by Hannah Wright, with assistant director William Wright.
The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Sterling is Marquis Dijon Archuleta; The voice of Betty is Kaleigh Christopher; The voice of Fina is Riley Jones; The voice of Velune is Kira Mills; And the voice of Meltyre is Austin Mowat. Tessa’s voice was provided by Hannah Wright.
Our theme song is by Eli McIlveen.
Want to know more about the inn? Visit us at thegoblinshead.com, or find us on twitter, and don’t forget to rate and subscribe so you don’t miss what happens next. And hey—thanks for listening.
Tavern sounds.
TESSA
Well the bad news is that our best rooms were completely destroyed in the attack, so some of you will have to double up for the evening. The good news is, we have some excellent cuts of roast manticore for supper tonight…