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1.10: The Gods

Our heroes urgently seek divine intervention.

Transcript is below the cut!

 

HANNAH
Hello everyone, Hannah here. Thank you for listening to Inn Between. I just wanted to let you know that next week, we’ll be doing something a little different on our Patreon page. Every weekday, starting on the fifteenth, I’ll be posting a character profile on our adventurers. For as little as a dollar a month, can hear about the inspirations and explanations behind the heroes of the show, and if you are able to give more than that, there are a couple extra rewards as well! Just go to patreon.com/thegoblinshead.

And hey, if you’re not able to contribute right now, there are plenty of ways you could help us out. A review on Apple podcasts is like a caffeine shot, seriously, or failing that, you can stop by twitter, @inn_between_ , where every Saturday, Tessa answers questions from listeners like you! And you can always tell all your nerdiest friends about us. I know I do.

Thanks again for listening. Let’s go to the Inn.

 

TESSA THE INNKEEPER
Previously on Inn Between…

 

Theme song begins.

 

MELTYRE
No one can fight the Bone King! No one who’s ever tried has survived!

 

VELUNE
The journey will be long and difficult. Night is a particularly dangerous time to be at risk of attack from the undead.

 

BETTY
Sterling. You hear that?

 

STERLING
We’ll go see what’s happening. You two stay here.

 

VELUNE
Fina, something’s not right here.

 

FINA
What, should we call them back?

 

Rattling and growling noises.

 

VELUNE
Perhaps that would be wi—oh! (abrupt grunt and a meaty thud)

 

FINA
Velune!

 

Theme song ends, fading into tavern sounds. A door opens.

 

STERLING
Careful, Betty.

 

BETTY
I’m being careful.

 

STERLING
The more you jostle them, the worse—

 

BETTY
(annoyed)
I’m being careful.

 

FINA
Gods. That’s just…that’s a whole lot of blood.

 

MELTYRE
(hand-wringingly worried)
We ought to pull out those arrows out of their gut.

 

BETTY
No. You don’t do that.

 

FINA
So what, we just leave them there? The Friar looks like a hedgehog!

 

BETTY
The arrows are barbed. We pull them out, we’ll kill them.

 

FINA
They’re already dying, gods. Is anyone in here a healer?

 

STERLING
Should we lay them down flat on the table, or—

 

BETTY
Keep them sitting.

 

MELTYRE
(despairing)
Why did we leave you two alone?

 

FINA
This is why we don’t split the party and leave the bard to protect the old person!

 

STERLING
(distressed)
This is my fault. Betty or I should have stayed behind.

 

FINA
Oh, you think, pretty boy?
(facing away)
Hey, can anyone in this tavern heal? Anyone at all?

 

No one responds.

 

MELTYRE
Fina, I’ve met some bards who can heal, I mean—

 

FINA
No dice, kid, I don’t know any healing spells. Hey! (chair scoot, addressing the room) Does anyone in this godsforsaken tavern know a single healing spell?

 

TAVERN RANDO 1
(growly and Southern)
You’re on the wrong side of town for that, little lady.

 

FINA
Little—’scuse me, you ugly—

 

STERLING
Fina, the task at hand. Meltyre, you must have studied some medical—

 

MELTYRE
I’m going to stop you right there. I don’t—I can’t do anything.

 

FINA
What about you, Top Gun? Don’t they teach healing in paladin school?

 

STERLING
I’ve never been able to do magic. We ought to at least take the arrows out.

 

BETTY
You got to break off the fletching and push them all the way through.

 

MELTYRE
(gags)
Oh gods.

 

STERLING
That doesn’t seem right!

 

BETTY
I’ve done it before.

 

MELTYRE
The Friar’s not going to survive much longer if we can’t find a healer.

 

FINA
(addressing the room) Hey! Fifty gold to anyone who can pop off a healing spell!

 

Tavern sounds quiet abruptly.

 

TAVERN RANDO 2
(sneering and rat-like)
Half in advance?

 

FINA
What do you think, genius? Anybody?

 

No one responds. Slowly the tavern returns to its previous volume level.

 

FINA
Ugh. Useless. What else can we do? (Beat.) What are you all staring at?

 

MELTYRE
(incredulous)
Fifty gold?

 

FINA
Shut up.

 

BETTY
Lotta gold.

 

FINA
Shut up, I said. If we take the arrows out or—push them through, whatever—will they live?

 

BETTY
Maybe. Probably not.

 

FINA
(scared and hiding it)
Well great. I’m out of ideas.

 

MELTYRE
Okay, okay, I’ve got something. What if we…pray to Pelor?

 

Pause.

 

BETTY
What?

 

STERLING
You think we should pray to Velune’s god?

 

MELTYRE
I mean, Pelor probably doesn’t want them dead, right? So-so-so—we—we petition Pelor on their behalf! Right?

 

FINA
Pelor’s not going to listen to a bunch of random unpious adventurers—

 

STERLING
We’re not all unpious.

 

FINA
Whatever! Velune’s been serving Pelor for a million years, of course Pelor listens to them. He’s not going to listen to us.

 

MELTYRE
It’s got to be worth a try! They’re dying! C’mon!

 

Pause.

 

FINA
Okay. All right. Sterling, how do you pray?

 

STERLING
I—I don’t, typically.

 

FINA
You are the world’s most useless paladin.

 

MELTYRE
Do you need a-a holy symbol, or a, um—

 

BETTY
It’s gods, not magic. It doesn’t work like that.

 

MELTYRE
How does it work, then?

 

BETTY
Like when I pray to Gruumsh. You just talk.

 

FINA
Sorry, you pray?

 

BETTY
Offerings help, sometimes.

 

STERLING
There’s no time for all that. Can we focus, please?

 

MELTYRE
(haltingly)
So I’ll just talk, then. That’s fine. Should I kneel?

 

BETTY
Couldn’t hurt.

 

MELTYRE
Okay. (pause) Um. Lord Pelor…Hi…How are you?

 

FINA
Oh my gods. Here, let me.
(playing quiet and reverent chords, building up to manic)
Great and radiant Pelor! Though we are but worms before the eyes of the sun, we beseech you—nay, implore you—nay, beg you—to look with favor upon Friar Velune, who is easily the most reverent—nay, the most pious—nay—

 

STERLING
Stop, right now. You sound ridiculous.

 

FINA
Well what do you think I should say, Paladon’t?

 

STERLING
(a little embarrassed)
Here. (clears his throat) Lord Pelor, we humbly beseech you, on behalf of your friend Velune, to spare some of your radiant power to— (yelp)

 

FINA
What—what happened?

 

STERLING
My–my armor shocked me!

 

MELTYRE
Oh, that’s just static electricity—

 

STERLING
No it was not, Meltyre, I know the difference.

 

FINA
Whatever, just keep praying.

 

STERLING
Right…please spare some of your radiant power to save the life of your servant—ouch!

 

MELTYRE
What, again?

 

STERLING
What in St. Cuthbert’s name is—

 

BETTY
That’s it.

 

STERLING
What?

 

BETTY
Don’t pray to Velune’s god. Pray to yours.

 

STERLING
What the devil are you talking about?

 

BETTY
Pelor won’t listen to us, but your god might.

 

STERLING
But—but St. Cuthbert is a god of common sense! We’re the ones who left Fina and Velune alone. It would serve us right if Velune died because of our mistake—my mistake.

 

BETTY
Whose sigil is on your armor?

 

STERLING
St. Cuthbert’s, but Betty—

 

MELTYRE
Now hang on, she might be onto something. Maybe St. Cuthbert’s listening, and that’s why your armor is shocking you.

 

STERLING
You—you think St. Cuthbert is jealous that I was praying to Pelor?

 

MELTYRE
Yeah, so he sent some light smiting your way.

 

STERLING
That doesn’t make any sense. It’s not as though I’m particularly devout. I haven’t even really prayed for—for years—

 

FINA
Maybe you should start.

 

STERLING
It’s not going to work.

 

FINA
You got any better ideas, Paladon’t? Look at Velune!

 

Brief silence.

 

STERLING
Fine. Fine! Sure. All right. St. Cuthbert, Lord of Zeal and Sense, Justice tempered with Wisdom, I come before you with a humble heart—

 

MELTYRE
Hang on. Uh—Put your hand on Velune.

 

STERLING
Wh-why?

 

MELTYRE
J-just humor me. C’mon.

 

STERLING
All right, here. My lord, I ask for your mercy. Please, save our friend. We need them.

 

Silence. Nothing.

 

STERLING
I don’t know why you expected that to work.

 

VELUNE
(gasps)

 

MELTYRE
Velune!

 

Velune’s breathing is ragged. All their lines are laborious and strained.

 

VELUNE
Oh…oh dear.

 

FINA
Oh my gods, you’re all right.

 

VELUNE
I seem to be injured.

 

FINA
(laughing)
Yeah, a little bit, Friar.

 

BETTY
If I take the arrows out, can you heal yourself?

 

VELUNE
Oh, I think so. Be sure to push them through, though, don’t pull them out.

 

MELTYRE
(gags)
Nope. No. No.

 

VELUNE
Skeletons, were they?

 

BETTY
About six of them. No trouble, they just snuck up on you.

 

VELUNE
We must be getting closer to the realm of the Bone King. It’s important that we be vigilant—(pained cry)

 

STERLING
Oh—Please, don’t exert yourself.

 

VELUNE
Who…we made it back to the tavern. Who healed me?

 

MELTYRE
Sterling did.

 

STERLING
No, no, I just prayed. To St. Cuthbert. I didn’t do anything.

 

VELUNE
You channeled divine power?

 

STERLING
Don’t be absurd. I’ve never been able to do that.

 

FINA
Looks like you can now, pretty boy.

 

VELUNE
My son, channeling divine power is a process that requires humility. You may not have healed me, but…you certainly made yourself available to the one who did. And for that, I thank you.

 

FINA
Wow, a full sermon with four arrows in your gut. Color me impressed.

 

STERLING
But…I don’t understand. Why can I do it now?

 

MELTYRE
Interesting. You’ve-you’ve tried before?

 

STERLING
Yes, in more dire situations than this.

 

MELTYRE
So what’s changed? You’re not any more devout than you were then, are you?

 

STERLING
Probably less so.

 

MELTYRE
Weird.

 

VELUNE
I believe I know. Sterling, is St. Cuthbert not a god of truth?

 

STERLING
He is, but I don’t see—

 

VELUNE
And did you not, just a few days past, tell us a truth about yourself that you have hidden for your entire life?

 

FINA
(a little louder than strictly necessary)
What, that he’s a half-elf?

 

STERLING
Can you—please, stop announcing it to the entire tavern.

 

MELTYRE
So…so telling us made him able to do magic?

 

VELUNE
I suspect your god approves of your honesty.

 

Stunned silence.

 

BETTY
We should get those arrows out of you.

 

VELUNE
Yes, and probably not in the dining room of the Goblin’s Head? I’ll just—

 

FINA
No, don’t move. Betty will carry you.

 

VELUNE
Really, I don’t believe that’s necessary.

 

FINA
I believe it is, Friar Pincushion. C’mon, we’ll see if Tessa’s got a back room she’ll let us use.

 

BETTY
All right. Up you get, Friar.

 

Shuffling.

 

VELUNE
(in pain)
Oof. Thank you.

 

BETTY
Fina, will you help?

 

FINA
Yeah, sure.
(as they’re walking away)
So you pray to Gruumsh?

 

BETTY
(fading)
Sometimes.

 

As their footsteps disappear in the distance, there is a brief silence.

 

MELTYRE
Are you all right?
(long pause)
Sterling?

 

STERLING
Hmm? Sorry, what?

 

MELTYRE
Are you gonna be okay?

 

STERLING
I…don’t know.

 

MELTYRE
This is a good thing, right? You can do magic now. That’s…pretty sweet.

 

STERLING
I suppose.

 

MELTYRE
You didn’t want that?

 

STERLING
(carefully)
I believed myself to be a highly capable paladin. I had no magical acumen, perhaps, but if I was effective in every other way, then what did that matter?

 

MELTYRE
You are, though. Capable.

 

STERLING
Am I? If I had the potential for magic all along, but could never use it? What kind of paladin misunderstands his oath so drastically that he blocks himself from his own god?

 

Long pause.

 

STERLING
Fina’s right, I am the world’s most useless paladin. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

 

MELTYRE
Pff. Welcome to my world.

 

STERLING
What do you mean?

 

MELTYRE
(sighs) (gets more distressed as the line continues)
Man, I’ve got half an education. I’m responsible for three children, and now I’m going to fight an insane lich king because—because I made the mistake of trying to help a kid? I don’t know. I-I might die. We’re lucky we made some money before we were forced to take this job so I could set my sisters up somewhere safe. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I’m a nervous wreck and—and I’m not even that good of a wizard! (pause) Where was I going with that?

 

STERLING
I’m not entirely sure.

 

MELTYRE
Sorry.

 

STERLING
Will you be all right?

 

MELTYRE
I don’t know. But…I mean, nobody really knows where they’re going, Sterling.

 

STERLING
Our fellow party members seem to have a pretty good idea—

 

MELTYRE
They don’t. I guarantee they don’t. They just do their best and go with what works.

 

STERLING
I don’t think you understand. I knew who I was, I had everything, and bit by bit, it’s all been taken away.

 

MELTYRE
Then I guess it wasn’t who you were after all.

 

Long silence.

 

STERLING
Do you know much about paladin magic?

 

MELTYRE
I know a little. Some basic theory. Nothing you wouldn’t have learned from your order.

 

STERLING
I’m afraid I’ve neglected learning about such things, since I was convinced I couldn’t do them.
(softly)
Would you teach me?

 

MELTYRE
You want me to teach you?

 

STERLING
Contrary to what you may believe, you’re actually quite a good wizard. I’d be pleased to learn from you.

 

MELTYRE
(reluctantly)
Well, you’ll have a different spell repertoire than me, but I can give some direction anyway. You might want to ask Velune, their magic is much more similar to yours.

 

STERLING
I’ll do that.

 

MELTYRE
Uh. Thanks.

 

STERLING
I should be thanking you.

 

MELTYRE
No, for…for saying I’m a good wizard.

 

STERLING
You are. The sort of…of fire spell…thing? That you shot at those skeletons? Very impressive.

 

MELTYRE
Oh, uh…thank you.

 

STERLING
Could I do that?

 

MELTYRE
(laughs)
I don’t think so. But you might be able to use radiant energy, like Velune. Oh! There’s a book about this you should read.

 

STERLING
Don’t tell me it’s at the vampire’s library.

 

MELTYRE
No, I actually left it with Tessa in storage. Let me go get it for you. (footsteps walking away)

 

Pause.

 

STERLING
(clears throat) Er…My Lord St. Cuthbert. I…I don’t know that I deserve what you’ve given me but…thank you for saving my friend. (quietly) Thank you.

 

Tavern sounds fade out. Theme song.

 

TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between…

 

FINA
Good gods, what is that?

 

PASSING TOWNSPERSON
(loony old coot voice)
The wasteland? Why, it’s the end of the world!

 

STERLING
This is the last settlement before we enter the realm of the Bone King.

 

VELUNE
Then we’d better take advantage of it.

 

End.

Credits:

Episode ten, “The Gods,” was written and directed by Hannah Wright, with assistant director William Wright.

The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.

The voice of Sterling is Marquis Dijon Archuleta; the voice of Betty is Kaleigh Christopher; the voice of Fina is Riley Jones; the voice of Velune is Kira Mills; and the voice of Meltyre is Austin Mowat, with additional voices by Marquis Dijon Archuleta and William Wright.

Fina’s guitar is played by Eli Isbell, and our theme song is by Eli McIlveen.

Want to know more about the inn? Visit us at thegoblinshead.com, or find us on twitter, and don’t forget to rate and subscribe so you don’t miss what happens next. Thanks for listening.

 

Tavern sounds.

 

TESSA
Throwing fireballs in my inn? Absolutely unacceptable, we are a non-smoking establishment. Take it outside, please.

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