Our heroes find themselves overwhelmed.
Transcript is below the cut!
HANNAH
Hello everyone, Hannah here. I just wanted to take a quick moment to show some love to everyone who’s supported Inn Between. Thanks to those of you who have rated and reviewed it on Apple Podcasts, and for you who have spread the word and let me play with you, especially Nate Bonilla-Warford from How To Listen To Music in the 22nd Century, and the team at Arden. If you haven’t listened to those shows yet, you’re in for a real treat. I highly recommend them both.
This is the penultimate episode of season one, and I can’t believe we’ve gotten this far.
TESSA THE INNKEEPER
There will be thirteen episodes, then? Oh, that bodes well.
HANNAH
Oh, right, Tessa’s here with me to thank one of our generous Patreon supporters! Go ahead, Tessa.
TESSA
Yes, we would like to thank Gus Gustafson for their generous support of the Inn. Thank you very much!
(pause)
HANNAH
That’s it? You’re not going to like, call them a barbarian or say their name sounds like a dwarf or something?
TESSA
A dwarf? Do you actually know any dwarves?
HANNAH
I mean, no, but you always—
TESSA
It would be awfully rude to assume. And after they drew those lovely pictures of the heroes, too.
HANNAH
Okay, yeah. Thank you Gus, and thank you all for listening. If you’d like to support the show, you can do that at Patreon.com/thegoblinshead.
One last thing: this episode contains discussion of some existentially scary issues. Like dying. Please take care of yourselves.
And now…let’s go to the Inn.
(pause)
TESSA
Previously on Inn Between…
Theme song.
MELTYRE
No one can fight the Bone King! No one who’s ever tried has survived!
STERLING
(outraged)
Were you trying to run? Like a coward?
FINA
Bye, kid. Take care of yourself.
VELUNE
We’re getting quite close now. This ghost town is just outside the Bone King’s lair.
STERLING
Some scouting would be appropriate before we attack.
FINA
A nice easy scouting mission sounds great. Let’s go.
Theme song ends. There is no background talking today. A large heavy door opens to hurried footsteps.
FINA
(from far off)
Get in get in get in get in get in!
Footsteps clatter inside. There are hissing sounds outside.
TESSA
What in blazes?
The door is closed.
STERLING
Bar the door.
A heavy thud. Outside the tavern, there are things scratching on wood and growling faintly.
FINA
(panting)
Oh my gods. Okay.
TESSA
What happened to you lot? And where on earth did you bring my inn?
VELUNE
(panting)
Our apologies, Miss Tessa, but you may have just saved our lives.
TESSA
Well, glad to be of service. What’s out there?
BETTY
A couple of skeletons.
TESSA
I didn’t take you for the types to run from two mere skeletons.
FINA
Oh, they’re just the survivors.
TESSA
You mean to tell me there’s more?
BETTY
Not anymore.
STERLING
(panting)
We managed to fight off most of them, but we were about to be overwhelmed.
FINA
Understatement of the year there, buddy, we were—(hollow, throaty cough)
BETTY
Fina?
VELUNE
Are you all right?
FINA
(strained)
I’m just peachy. Doing great.
BETTY
You’re bleeding. Did they get you?
FINA
Ah, what’s a little stabbing between friends? Anyway, you’re the one with a bunch of arrows in your shoulder.
BETTY
(noncommital)
Yep.
TESSA
My goodness, adventurers. Sit down a spell, the door will hold.
Chairs scooting.
FINA
(in a lot of pain)
Speaking of a spell, Velune, could you hook a halfling up?
VELUNE
(sighs)
I’m pretty well spent, I’m afraid. Sterling, could you—
STERLING
Of course. If you will sit up straight, Fina?
FINA
Sure thing, I—oo! Cold hands.
STERLING
Sorry.
FINA
At least buy me dinner first.
STERLING
(embarrassed)
If you would stop fidgeting.
(mumbling, backed by strange magical noise)
Cuthbert’s zeal, give me the power to heal…
FINA
Ah, much better. Thank you, Paladon’t. You need help with those arrows, sweetheart?
BETTY
Yep. (chair scoot)
TESSA
I suppose I’ll go put the kettle on. Will the skeletons be taking tea?
STERLING
Thank you, Miss Tessa. We’ll pay you double for your trouble.
FINA
Hope that’s coming out of your pocket.
TESSA
That’s not necessary. This old place has seen worse.
Door opens and closes.
FINA
These arrowheads are tricky. You still all right, Betty?
BETTY
(strangled grunt)
FINA
Hey, Paladon’t, do you have one more spell for her once I get these out?
STERLING
I believe so.
VELUNE
You’re getting better at healing all the time, Sterling.
STERLING
I wish I didn’t have to be.
FINA
Yeah. Are we going to talk about how we were ambushed like…six different times?
VELUNE
It was less of a reconnaissance and more of a wild goose chase, wasn’t it?
STERLING
The Bone King is doubtless certain of our presence here now. We’ve lost all element of surprise.
FINA
We could have really used—
STERLING
Don’t.
FINA
Don’t what? I was just saying—
STERLING
We don’t need any help from a scrawny craven hedge wizard.
VELUNE
There’s no call for insults.
FINA
There’s even less call for bad insults. That’s seriously the best you can come up with?
VELUNE
Hush, Fina. Meltyre did what he thought was right, and there’s no point in vilifying him.
STERLING
He betrayed—
VELUNE
He is looking after his kin. I’m weary of this attitude of yours, Sterling. You seem to think this was a personal slight.
STERLING
You seem to think there’s nothing wrong with being a disloyal, sullen, cowardly—
BETTY
(roars in pain)
FINA
Got it! Arrowheads and all.
BETTY
‘Bout time.
FINA
Quit acting like a jilted lover and heal Betty, Paladon’t.
STERLING
(outraged)
Jilted? Excuse me, I will not stand for such insulting—
FINA
Oh my gods! Can you spare us your righteous indignation for like a second?
STERLING
I cannot believe you’d be so flippant about the disloyalty shown us by—
VELUNE
Oh, do shut up!
Brief pause.
VELUNE
Your honor is all well and good, Sterling, but we have a friend who is bleeding here and now. Do your duty, Paladin.
STERLING
…Very well.
(mumbling, with magic)
Cuthbert’s zeal, give me the power to heal…
Mumbling, magical zing as Velune begins his next line.
VELUNE
I understand that your honor’s been offended, and that you see it as your duty to complete this quest, even unto death, but Meltyre’s duty to his sisters is no less important than whatever debt he owes us. Surely you understand that.
STERLING
No, I don’t understand. I don’t understand how he could have abandoned us when we needed him most.
BETTY
He hurt your feelings.
STERLING
I beg your pardon?
BETTY
You’re taking this personally because it is personal.
FINA
Holy hydra! This isn’t about honor at all!
STERLING
Of course it’s about honor! My feelings are entirely ancillary to this—
FINA
Ancillary my eye. All this outrage is just you being sad!
STERLING
It is not.
As they argue, the skeletons from outside fall silent.
FINA
Is too! Tell the truth, Paladon’t, or your god will take away your magic again.
STERLING
Do not presume to know the mind of my god, you irreverent shrimp!
FINA
Oh, now you’ve done it. (instrument twangs) That’s it.
BETTY
You don’t have any more spells.
FINA
I don’t need any to kick his sanctimonious backside.
STERLING
I’d like to see you try, you greedy—
VELUNE
Quiet! Listen.
FINA
I don’t hear anything.
BETTY
Oh.
STERLING
What?
BETTY
What happened to the skeletons?
The silence stretches on for one second, two, three…then the skeletons growl again, attacking, and are promptly overwhelmed by a crackling explosion.
FINA
What was that?
STERLING
Something else is out there.
Three large booming knocks.
FINA
Oh, gods, it wants inside.
STERLING
Let’s not open the door.
FINA
Oh, you think?
The door shakes.
VELUNE
We may have to defend ourselves.
FINA
I’m fresh out of spells, Friar.
VELUNE
Me too, I’m afraid.
STERLING
Down to us, then, Betty.
BETTY
Right.
Weapons are drawn. The door handle rattles again, and then the wooden bar starts to creak.
FINA
Oh, gods, it’s lifting the bar, how is it lifting the bar?
BETTY
Get behind us.
STERLING
Get ready.
The wooden bar stops creaking and clatters to the floor. Slowly, the large doors creak open. For a moment, they are all frozen in place.
MELTYRE
Uh. (clears throat) Hey, everyone.
FINA
Meltyre!
STERLING
Meltyre?
VELUNE
Sweet Pelor, but you had us worried.
MELTYRE
Oh, um. Sorry.
BETTY
What happened to the skeletons?
MELTYRE
Finished them off. Were you hiding?
FINA
Catching our breath. Get in here, kid, it’s good to see you.
STERLING
You…you came back.
MELTYRE
(gloomily)
Yeah.
(door closes)
Not exactly my idea.
VELUNE
Come in and sit, Meltyre.
FINA
What happened?
Chairs scoot and weapons sheathed as they resituate.
MELTYRE
Did you know we’re being followed by the king’s guard?
BETTY
No.
MELTYRE
Yeah, they’re um—
BETTY
No, I would know if someone was tracking us.
MELTYRE
They’re keeping two days behind us. Following the trail of carnage, they said.
VELUNE
What on earth for?
MELTYRE
To make sure we’re actually keeping our word about fighting the Bone King.
STERLING
The king doesn’t trust us?
FINA
Well color me shocked. His Majesty is paranoid. So you found them while you were heading back?
MELTYRE
They found me. I think they were going to kill me.
VELUNE
But you fought them off.
MELTYRE
Not…exactly…you remember the captain of the guard?
FINA
Gods, yes. She was totally going to kill you.
VELUNE
How did you escape?
MELTYRE
I uh…I uh…I charmed her?
FINA
Ohohoho, look at you, ladies’ man!
MELTYRE
No, I—Charm Person doesn’t work like that. I just made her…agreeable.
FINA
Exactly how agreeable?
MELTYRE
Just enough so that she’d give me some information and let me go. Don’t-don’t be gross.
VELUNE
If they let you go, why did you come back to us rather than go after your sisters?
MELTYRE
Because the king’s taken my sisters hostage.
Brief pause.
VELUNE
My gods.
BETTY
I’ll kill him.
STERLING
Betty, cease that seditious talk immediately. Meltyre, what do you mean hostage?
MELTYRE
That’s what the captain said. For collateral.
FINA
Wow, I wish I could say I was surprised.
MELTYRE
When I charmed her, the captain said they were well taken care of. The king’s wards until I could return for them, provided I returned after the Bone King was dead.
(pause)
So, you know, I figure if they’re fine, and I’d die whether or not I tried to go to them, I might as well come back.
STERLING
Well…perhaps it’s for the best.
MELTYRE
(flat)
What?
STERLING
You have an opportunity now to restore your honor. Perhaps it didn’t come the way you would have preferred—
MELTYRE
Shut up.
STERLING
—but fate has brought you back to your true quest, to make up for your cowardice—
Chair scoot and the zing and crackle of a summoned spell, as Meltyre says his next line.
MELTYRE
Stop calling me a coward!
VELUNE
Meltyre?
MELTYRE
Stop telling me that the right thing to do is abandoning my sisters!
FINA
Kid, what are you doing?
STERLING
(carefully)
Meltyre, what is that?
MELTYRE
Chromatic Orb. Acid flavor. Are you listening to me now?
STERLING
Don’t be a fool. You don’t want to get hurt.
MELTYRE
(threatening)
Me? Who’s staring down the ball of acid, Sterling?
Long silence, punctuated by the crackling orb.
STERLING
All right. I’m listening.
MELTYRE
(nervous, but determined)
You—you care so much what people think of you. Your peers, your order, your god—but I don’t have any of that, okay? I just have my sisters and I can’t—(overcome by emotion) I can’t even take care of them. Except by dying.
(sighs; orb disappears with a voip)
So that’s what I’m going to do.
VELUNE
(gently)
Meltyre…
MELTYRE
Don’t. Just…don’t.
STERLING
Gods. This is my fault.
FINA
What are you talking about?
STERLING
I drove you to this, Meltyre. Me and my thrice-blasted honor.
MELTYRE
Drove me to what?
STERLING
This death wish of yours.
MELTYRE
Death wish—n-no! That’s not—
Chair scoot and a drawn sword.
STERLING
Meltyre, I swear by this sword—
MELTYRE
What are you doing?
STERLING
That I will ensure your return to your sisters, or I will die in the attempt.
VELUNE
Now Sterling, really—
STERLING
I must do so, for I have done you a great wrong.
MELTYRE
This isn’t—You can’t promise that! Don’t be an idiot, no one can promise that. Get up.
STERLING
But I must—
MELTYRE
This isn’t about you! When we fight the Bone King—
BETTY
No. You can’t come with us.
MELTYRE
I can’t—excuse me?
BETTY
Your attitude’s gonna get you killed. It’s dangerous for us. You can’t come.
MELTYRE
It’s dangerous for you? We’re all gonna die, Betty.
BETTY
We might not. But if you want to, you will.
MELTYRE
I don’t want to die! Why does everyone think that?
FINA
(tired)
Hold on, everyone, hold on. Chill. For like, a second. Can we do that?
Tense silence.
FINA
Look, we know you don’t want to die. What I think Betty’s worried about is you being so resigned to it that you’re not gonna throw every last thing you have at the Bone King.
MELTYRE
I’m going to do everything I can.
FINA
Are you sure about that, Meltyre? Because if we can’t rely on you, things are going to go pear-shaped in a hurry. Today’s been a really good example of that.
MELTYRE
What, the two skeletons?
STERLING
In our defense, there were far more than two—
FINA
Shut up, your lordship. Yeah, Meltyre. We were so beat down today that we ended up running from two skeletons. And on a scouting mission.
VELUNE
We know you’d rather be anywhere else than here, Meltyre, but frankly, we need you. There’s no telling what will happen when we attack now that we’ve lost surprise.
MELTYRE
(distracted)
Well I’m…I’m here, and I’m going to do…to do my best—What do you mean you lost surprise?
FINA
We tried to scout the front door and met some fun new friends.
BETTY
And killed them.
VELUNE
Not quite to plan, to say the least. If the Bone King doesn’t know we’re here now, then we’ve seriously overestimated him.
MELTYRE
The front door? Like the front cave entrance?
FINA
Yeah, kid, there’s not another way into the Bone King’s lair.
MELTYRE
Actually—there might be. The captain said something about a back way?
FINA
Are you serious?
MELTYRE
Yeah, I think I could find it. Her directions didn’t seem too complicated.
VELUNE
Thank the gods! We may yet have a chance!
FINA
Ah, I missed you, kid!
BETTY
Will you fight with all you have?
MELTYRE
Yeah, I mean—it’s like you said. If it’s all I can do, I might as well do it well. I’m not suicidal, okay?
BETTY
That’s a warrior’s attitude.
MELTYRE
Thanks, I guess. I just—can you stop treating me like an idiot or uh, or a child or something? I chose to come back.
A door opens.
TESSA
Tea is on. Ah, the young wizard! I thought I heard the door open.
MELTYRE
Hi, Miss Tessa.
Clink of teacups set down on the table.
TESSA
I was wondering when you were getting back.
STERLING
Miss Tessa, you brought five cups.
TESSA
Did I? Happy accident, I suppose. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything.
Door closes behind her.
STERLING
Meltyre, I believe I owe you an apology.
MELTYRE
You’re not going to make anymore stupid promises, are you?
STERLING
No, I—I suppose I’ve acted a bit of a fool.
FINA
Just a bit?
VELUNE
Hush.
STERLING
I’m sorry for the part I’ve played in…that is, my words to you earlier…I was wrong to make this a moral issue when it’s not, and calling into question your honor, when I really just was hoping…you’d stay with us because you wanted to.
MELTYRE
Oh…kay?
VELUNE
(aside)
It’s not a very good apology, is it?
FINA
Give him a break, he doesn’t do it very often.
STERLING
The point is, I’m sorry. And I hope you can forgive me.
MELTYRE
I um…it’s fine.
FINA
Ah. So good to have the gang back together.
VELUNE
Well then. I think we should have a toast, now we’re all unified in purpose once again. Meltyre, do you have one you’d like to propose?
MELTYRE
Uh, okay. (shifting of cups) Nos morituri te salutamus.
STERLING
What’s that?
FINA
Old human tongue, right?
MELTYRE
Yeah. You know it?
FINA
I dabble. It means, “We who are about to die salute you.”
VELUNE
Oh, Meltyre, come now.
MELTYRE
Sorry.
FINA
Here, kid, I have a better one. (clears throat) To people worth dying with. To friends.
Glasses clink together.
STERLING
To friends.
VELUNE
Hear, hear.
STERLING
So, Meltyre, did you learn any new spells while you were away?
MELTYRE
Uh…no? I mean, I-I didn’t get very far—
STERLING
(triumphantly)
I did!
Their voices fade out. Theme song.
TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between…the season finale.
Credits:
Episode twelve, “The Toast,” was written by Hannah Wright and directed by William Wright.
The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Sterling is Marquis Dijon Archuleta; the voice of Betty is Kaleigh Christopher; the voice of Fina is Riley Jones; the voice of Velune is Kira Mills; and the voice of Meltyre is Austin Mowat. Tessa’s voice was provided by Hannah Wright.
Fina’s guitar is played by Eli Isbell, and our theme song is by Eli McIlveen.
Want to know more about the inn? Visit us at thegoblinshead.com, or find us on twitter, and don’t forget to rate and subscribe so you don’t miss what happens next. Thanks for listening.
Theme song ends.
Skeletons make scary hissy sounds.
TESSA
Oh, so you will be taking tea, then? Certainly, certainly. Milk and sugar?
End.