Our heroes start a brand new day.
Transcript is below the cut!
TESSA
Hello listeners! Tessa here, to thank another patron. This one’s name is Allan Cancinos—Allan, thank you for your support. You know, I knew a Cancinos who was a sorcerer, who got her magic powers by being thrown up upon by a dragon! She thinks it’s a hilarious story, and tells it all the time! And literally no one agrees with her.
Where was I?
Oh yes! The episode. Let’s go to the Inn.
Brief pause.
TESSA
Previously, on Inn Between…
Theme song.
MARIE
I need my aunt. I need Dame Avaline.
STERLING
The story goes that she was trapped in the trees, deep in the Wood of Woe.
FINA
None of the stories that come out of that place make sense.
MELTYRE
The whole forest is a weird mystery.
BETTY
Sounds like fun.
Theme song ends. Quiet tavern sounds. It’s first thing in the morning at the Goblin’s Head.
FINA
I dunno, sweetheart, this map’s…confusing. And it has the weirdest legend I’ve ever seen. A-and I swear it was different last night.
BETTY
Maps don’t change.
FINA
But…no I remember, there was a town here. And there, and right there, and they all moved. See? (paper noise) Did Velune get a magic map?
BETTY
I was with them. They bought a normal map.
FINA
What in the gods’ names is the use of a map that changes?
BETTY
Is it just the towns?
FINA
Uh…yeah. Okay, so landmarks are the same. We’ll be able to find our way to where Dame Avaline disappeared, at least. (pause) That’s so weird.
(plays simple and repetitive minor song)
(thoughtfully)
Why would a map change if it’s not a magic map? Is it because it’s portraying a magical thing? But books of magic don’t change like that, do they?…I guess that’s a Meltyre question.
(song ends)
BETTY
You never read a magic book?
FINA
Me? No. I do all my training on the job, you know that.
BETTY
Maybe you should read one.
FINA
(mock offense)
Betty. Are you dissatisfied with my magical prowess?
BETTY
Some bards can heal.
FINA
You think we need more healing?
BETTY
Can’t hurt. You never know.
FINA
So we’re working on the assumption that both Velune and Sterling are dead in this scenario you’re cooking up.
BETTY
It could happen.
FINA
Okay, okay. Emergency situation, we’re in way over our heads, buuut our teamwork is perfect, and we’re watching each other’s backs. Who’s dying, and in what order?
BETTY
Mmm…You, Velune, Sterling, Me, Meltyre.
FINA
…Okay. I have many questions. Why is Meltyre last?
BETTY
He’s stronger than you think.
FINA
Stronger than you?
BETTY
I’m dying before he does. He’s got sisters to look after.
FINA
Okay, fair. Second, why am I dying first?
BETTY
You already did.
FINA
I said, if our teamwork was perfect.
BETTY
It was pretty perfect last time.
FINA
Nah, someone should have been watching my back.
BETTY
You saying I wasn’t?
Awkward silence.
FINA
Sorry. Um. I-I think…If I convince myself it’s a fluke? Then it’s easier to process.
Slightly less awkward silence.
BETTY
That’s if our teamwork was perfect, though.
FINA
…Okay?
BETTY
If Sterling did something stupid, it’d be Sterling, Velune, you, me, Meltyre.
FINA
(laughs)
See, I like that better.
Chair scoot in the background.
STERLING
(drowsy and relaxed)
What do you like?
FINA
Oh, nothing. Morning, Sterling.
STERLING
(yawning)
Good morning. This is the map?
FINA
Yep, we are heading…here. (paper noise)
STERLING
It doesn’t seem as though there are many obstacles. Oh, except for this. What’s this?
FINA
It just says “no.”
STERLING
Comforting. And we’re here, on the other side of “no?”
FINA
We were here, but this is the town of Bubble Springs, which seems to have moved…here.
STERLING
The town…has moved?
FINA
Yep. I got nothing.
STERLING
It is…too early for this. Whereabouts is breakfast, do you suppose?
FINA
Tessa said there was some problem with the chickens.
STERLING
What sort of problems could a chicken cause? It’s just a bird.
FINA
Just a bird? Have you ever met a chicken?
STERLING
“Met” a chicken?
FINA
Oh, right. I forgot you don’t know where food comes from.
STERLING
Excuse me, I do have some idea of how animal husbandry works.
FINA
Yeah okay, pretty boy.
MELTYRE
(chair scoot)
Hey guys.
(yawns hugely, sniffle, mumble)
Where’s breakfast?
FINA
And a very good morning to you, kid.
STERLING
That’ll be breakfast now, I think.
(footsteps approaching)
Good morning, Tessa. What do you have for us today?
TESSA
(grumpy)
Porridge.
(bowls clinking against each other)
FINA
Couldn’t finagle eggs out of the chickens then?
TESSA
Oh, it wasn’t collecting the eggs that was the problem.
(sets down a bowl)
I gathered the eggs, as I do every day. And I hard boiled them, as I do every Wednesday. And then I peeled them, and—well, just look!
(bowl noise)
Three snakes, a spool of yellow thread, two egg-sized rubies, a pinecone…and that one’s purple, for whatever reason.
BETTY
(horrified)
Oh.
MELTYRE
Uh…where are…wh-where are the snakes?
TESSA
(huffy)
They’re loose in the kitchen somewhere!
FINA
Hey, Tessa, what are you gonna do with those rubies?
TESSA
You’re welcome to them. You won’t see me messing about with fey magic, no sir.
Footsteps walking away.
STERLING
Porridge it is, then. (moving bowl)
FINA
Did she say “fey magic?”
MELTYRE
Oo, you don’t…you don’t mess with the fey.
STERLING
What’s wrong with the fey?
FINA
(little louder than necessary)
Oh, nothing! Nothing at all, really. They’re just…
(more quietly)
…particular. And strange.
MELTYRE
And really powerful. They don’t follow the same rules as mosnters or even gods.
FINA
Oh, hey, that reminds me. Meltyre, do the words in spellbooks kind of…hop around? Go for walks?
MELTYRE
Not…usually?
FINA
Oh, great.
MELTYRE
I mean, sometimes, but it’s pretty rare. I’ve only seen one book that does that, and it was a primer on…fey magic.
FINA
You don’t say.
MELTYRE
Why do you ask?
FINA
Uh…the map. There are towns on the map that…moved.
MELTYRE
Is it a magic map?
STERLING
I thought Velune bought a perfectly normal map.
MELTYRE
Well, if this is a place with a high incidence of fey activity, then—
Sudden chair scoot and shuffling.
STERLING
Good morning, Velune.
VELUNE
(is not a morning person)
(at all)
Mmph.
Pause.
MELTYRE
We were just talking about—
VELUNE
Tea.
FINA
So cheery. So upbeat.
VELUNE
(groaned)
Tea.
FINA
Yikes, fine.
(calling)
Hey, Tessa?
VELUNE
(grumbles)
FINA
I’ve always wondered how you, a cleric of a god of one of the suns, are not a morning person.
VELUNE
I’ve always wondered how you, a musician, are.
FINA
Touché.
STERLING
I’ve wondered about that myself.
FINA
I follow the teachings of that ancient halfling proverb.
(plays a folksy little stinger)
The early bard gets the worm. And three helpings at breakfast.
STERLING
You really want three helpings of porridge?
FINA
I’m not picky.
VELUNE
(mumbling)
Mm, there’s eggs too.
FINA
I wouldn’t exactly call those eggs, Friar.
VELUNE
They look fine.
Meltyre, Fina, and Sterling all protest at once. “No, no, wait!”
VELUNE
Omp.
(mouth full)
What is wrong?
MELTYRE
You just ate half a ruby!
VELUNE
(mouth full)
This is most definitely an egg.
STERLING
But—but—
FINA
Oh! Oh, it’s their true sight!
MELTYRE, STERLING
Ohhh.
Start footsteps here.
VELUNE
(mouth half full)
What are you talking about?
TESSA
Here’s your tea, Friar, and—what in the name of—
FINA
I think it’s actually an egg, Miss Tessa.
TESSA
Ohh, curse this fey trickery.
MELTYRE
Hang on, Miss Tessa. How do you know it’s fey magic?
TESSA
This is the Wood of Woe. It’s positively rife with it. This place is more or less their turf. Why didn’t you lot tell me we were coming here?
STERLING
We?
TESSA
Or have you forgotten that my Inn follows you wherever you go?
BETTY
You’ve been here before.
TESSA
Yes. A few times. Most notably I spent about six months here once, and it was possibly the most nerve-wracking six months of my life!
STERLING
Oh dear. I am terribly sorry we’ve brought you back.
TESSA
Well just don’t spend six months here, that’s all I ask.
FINA
Hang on, what do you mean, this is more or less the fey’s turf? Don’t they live in the feywild?
TESSA
So I’ve been told, but something about this place is…close. Their magic sort of leaks through. I hear people saying they’ve seen fey walking about in the Wood.
VELUNE
Wait a moment. (pause) These don’t look like eggs to you?
TESSA
They certainly do not.
VELUNE
Oh.
(pause)
I see now, they have…mm, an illusion spell of some kind, don’t they?
FINA
Are you saying you need to concentrate to not use your magic Pelor powers?
VELUNE
(still bleary)
Seems so. Pass me another egg?
BETTY
I want one too.
FINA
Yeah, all right, which one do you want to risk?
BETTY
The spool.
FINA
A brave choice, sweetheart.
MELTYRE
Got any tips, Tessa?
TESSA
What, for surviving this nonsense forest? No! It shifts all the time, and it doesn’t make any sense. But I suppose at least we’ll have eggs!
STERLING
And people live here?
TESSA
People will live on the side of a cliff if you give them a ladder and a pickaxe. And if you don’t give it to them, they’ll probably make one.
FINA
There are definitely cities built into the sides of cliffs.
TESSA
Well there you are, then.
BETTY
What hero was the inn following?
TESSA
I beg your pardon?
BETTY
When you were here for six months.
TESSA
Oh, gracious, it was…about fifteen years ago. What was her name? Lady protector of the throne. Avaline.
STERLING
Dame Avaline? You knew her?
TESSA
Not terribly well. I did follow her on many missions, for many years.
MELTYRE
Then you must know what happened to her!
TESSA
…Young man, I don’t think I do.
STERLING
Here, Tessa, why don’t you sit down for a moment? Can you tell us what you do know?
TESSA
(sighs)
It’s not very much.
(chair scoot)
FINA
So she went to the Wood of Woe to fight the sorceress who wanted the throne.
TESSA
Yes, I’d picked up that much. She quartered about forty soldiers here on her way. A very commanding person.
STERLING
But she spent six months here?
TESSA
That’s right. It was a bit sad, really. Every time she came back, she had fewer soldiers. The last couple of times it was just her.
BETTY
Mm.
TESSA
I could tell it was wearing her down. And then one day she just…stopped coming. And the Inn went back to the capitol.
FINA
That sorceress was not messing around.
TESSA
Oh, that was certainly part of it, but I have a feeling that they weren’t altogether prepared for the things they faced in the Wood itself.
STERLING
And she fought on alone?
TESSA
I presume so.
STERLING
You didn’t ask her?
TESSA
Lord Whitetower, I am an innkeeper. I don’t make friends with every patron.
STERLING
But you’re friends with us.
TESSA
(skeptical)
Ah, yes. Do you have any idea where I’m from? Who my family is?
STERLING
Wah—well—
TESSA
And what about your quest, what have you told me about that?
FINA
Oo, called OUT!
STERLING
Excuse me. (nervous chuckle) Are you any better?
FINA
No, but I’m choosing to ignore that in favor of mocking you.
VELUNE
(still sleepy)
You’re from Split River, right? And you have a daughter in the capitol.
TESSA
I certainly do. Thank you, Friar.
MELTYRE
Was that more of your insight from Pelor?
VELUNE
No, I had a conversation about it.
(sleepy pause)
Do you mean to tell me that none of you have had an actual conversation with Tessa?
MELTYRE
Uhh…
STERLING
Well—
FINA
You know?
VELUNE
(scoff)
Young people.
BETTY
We’re looking for her. Avaline.
TESSA
That explains why we’re back here, then. I’m afraid I can’t really help you.
FINA
What about like, the last time she was here? Do you remember anything about that?
TESSA
I will remind you, it was fifteen years ago.
FINA
If you don’t remember anything it’s fine, but we could use any clues you got.
TESSA
Oh, let me see…she was in awfully bad shape, if I recall. Her healers had both been killed, and she had little time to recover except when she stumbled back into a town. And that was the day she ran out of money as well…I didn’t…have the heart to ask for any, frankly.
STERLING
Did she say anything?
TESSA
Dame Avaline didn’t usually speak much to me. The higher born someone is, the less they do, I find.
STERLING
Now wait a moment—
TESSA
But I seem to remember she did say something that day…what was it now…(pause) She asked me something about sacrifice.
MELTYRE
(disturbed)
What…kind of sacrifice?
VELUNE
Necromantic?
TESSA
No, why—I think she meant some kind of self-sacrifice. I told her I thought she’d be accustomed to the idea of dying for her king, being protector of the throne and all that, and…yes, I do remember what she said, because it stuck with me.
FINA
What did she say?
TESSA
“There’s more than one way to sacrifice your life.”
Thoughtful pause.
MELTYRE
Wow.
STERLING
What did she mean by that?
VELUNE
It means she didn’t expect to die.
FINA
You know what that sounds like to me?
BETTY
A chance?
FINA
Yeah, this quest isn’t looking so impossible after all.
MELTYRE
So she might be cursed, then, or magically bound somehow?
STERLING
And we’ve dealt with that before.
FINA
But at the very least, she’s probably not dead!
MELTYRE
Then this is good news!
VELUNE
(a touch annoyed)
Must we be so boisterous this early?
MELTYRE
Thank you, Miss Tessa, for everything.
FINA
Yeah, with any luck, we won’t be in the Wood for long.
TESSA
Let’s hope not.
(chair scoot)
(with building aggravation)
If there’s nothing else, I’d better go and see if I can find those snakes that are actually eggs that are loose in my kitchen.
STERLING
I would like to apologize, Miss Tessa. For making assumptions.
TESSA
All’s well, Lord Whitetower.
Footsteps walking away over Sterling’s line.
STERLING
I really ought to make an effort to talk to more people than just you four.
BETTY
It’s gonna be hard to track Avaline if the towns we stay in keep moving.
VELUNE
I’m sorry, what?
FINA
Hey, take a look at this map, Friar, what do your Pelor eyes see?
VELUNE
The…map I bought?
FINA
So you’re right, kid, it’s not a magic map.
VELUNE
I wouldn’t spend our money on a magic map. (scoff) They’re not cost-effective in the long run and they tend to wear out.
MELTYRE
That’s true. Fina, do you remember where the towns were before? I think I have some chalk around here somewhere…
FINA
Yep, uh…Bubble Springs was here, Marksbury was here, Ebbing Flow was there…
(scratch scratch)
What are you doing? It looks like…
STERLING
It’s a target.
MELTYRE
Not exactly. I mean, yes, there’s a circle, but…I think they’re ley lines.
STERLING
Ley lines?
VELUNE
Oh, ley lines aren’t dangerous. They’re everywhere, and it takes very powerful magic to use them for anything nefarious.
FINA
Might they be dangerous if they happened to coincide with some major fey activity?
MELTYRE
They might not be dangerous, but they might…scoot some towns around.
STERLING
The towns are travelling along the ley lines, then?
MELTYRE
Yeah, and the Wood of Woe is powerful enough that it’s changing an ordinary map.
FINA
Woah. Tessa was right, this place is weird.
BETTY
So this town will be… somewhere here tomorrow?
MELTYRE
Uh, yeah, I think so.
BETTY
Not so hard to track, then. Almost…too easy.
FINA
Oh, don’t worry, sweetheart, there are plenty of complications to look forward to.
VELUNE
What do you suppose the Grove of Babel is?
STERLING
I’m more concerned about this large swamp, here.
FINA
On the other hand, the Puzzling Meadow sounds downright promising.
MELTYRE
We should be careful. If Dame Avaline lost forty soldiers in here, it’s probably more dangerous than we think.
FINA
Could it possibly be more dangerous than a murderous lich?
MELTYRE
Uh, yes? Forty soldiers, Fina.
STERLING
We are well up to the task, I’m sure.
MELTYRE
You’re always sure.
STERLING
And I’ve been right so far, haven’t I?
FINA
Easy for you to say, you’re not the first one dying.
STERLING
I beg your pardon?
FINA
Never mind. So, what do we say to a leisurely breakfast followed by a romp to…looks like someplace called Acid Grove?
STERLING
I’d like to get started sooner rather than later.
FINA
I’d like to get started on a full stomach. Anyway, we’re not going anywhere ’til Velune finishes their tea.
VELUNE
That is correct.
STERLING
Very well.
Pause.
FINA
I dare you to eat the purple egg.
STERLING
Not in a million years.
FINA
(goadingly)
Ah, so you’re just…chicken. You do know what that is, right? A chicken?
STERLING
Your goading won’t work on me this time, Fina.
FINA
So you’re saying you can’t do it, huh? That’s fine if you can’t, it’s—where’d it go?
MELTYRE
(mouth full)
Um…It tastes fine.
FINA
Wow, kid.
MELTYRE
(smacks lips)
I’m hungry!
STERLING
(triumphantly)
Fina, I dare you to eat the other ruby!
FINA
You kidding? I’m selling that.
STERLING
What? You can’t sell a jewel under false pretenses.
FINA
(eagerly)
Is that a challenge?
STERLING
No!
VELUNE
(sighs)
Good to have a peaceful morning.
Theme song.
TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between…
VELUNE
Our next stop shouldn’t be too dangerous.
FINA
Careful what you say. Fey magic is wild, you never know what it’ll throw at you.
MELTYRE
I think we’re probably ready for anything unexpected, right?
Credits:
Episode 2.7, “The Morning,” was written by Hannah Wright, and directed by William Wright. The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers. Recording assistance by Brendon Bennet.
The voice of Sterling is Marquis Dijon Archuleta; the voice of Betty is Kaleigh Christopher; the voice of Fina is Riley Jones; the voice of Velune is Kira Mills; and the voice of Meltyre is Austin Mowat. The voice of Tessa is Hannah Wright.
Fina’s guitar is played by Eli Isbell, and our theme song is by Eli McIlveen.
Transcripts for this and every episode can be found on our website, thegoblinshead.com. Find and follow us on twitter, @inn_between_, or support us on patreon, at patreon.com/thegoblinshead.
If you like our show, transform your favorite baked good into your favorite small reptile, or leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Thanks for listening!
End theme song. Tavern sounds.
TESSA
Get over here, you—you—egg!
(ceramic smashing on tile)
Oh, no—come back here!
End.