Our heroes find one person they were looking for, and one they really weren’t.
Transcript is below the cut!
HANNAH
Hi everyone, Hannah here. Thanks for listening to Inn Between. We have a patron to thank and a content warning to give.
TESSA
Can we do the patron first? I like this one.
HANNAH
Uh, yes. Sure.
TESSA
Oh good! We would like to thank the Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday Crew for their support. Thank you so much.
HANNAH
You like that one, huh?
TESSA
Yes, it’s given me an idea! You know we’ve never done theme nights at the Inn, but maybe it’s time to start!
HANNAH
Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday.
TESSA
Precisely!
HANNAH
And what would that entail?
TESSA
I don’t know yet, but it promises to be a huge draw for fans of your pod casts.
HANNAH
You’re probably not wrong. Thank you to all of our patrons, we couldn’t do this without you.
TESSA
If you’d like to support the Inn and its new Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday Nights, go to patreon.com/thegoblinshead.
HANNAH
And before we begin: this episode contains possessive and abusive behavior. If you think this might be a problem for you, I encourage you to check out the transcript at thegoblinshead.com/listen. This is episode 2.13. Please take care of yourselves.
TESSA
And now, let’s go to the inn!
Pause.
TESSA
Previously, on Inn Between…
Theme song.
MARIE
I need my aunt. I need Dame Avaline.
STERLING
We’re looking for anyone who might have once been a fearsome warrior.
TOWNIE
The only fearsome warrior I know is that scary hermit lady. Be careful, she’ll cut you down as soon as look at you.
VELUNE
(calling out)
Hello? We come in peace!
AVALINE
(a rich, full, haughty voice)
Get out. Unless you want to come in pieces!
STERLING
I can’t believe it…Dame Avaline?
AVALINE
…How did you know my name?
Theme song plays out and ends. No tavern sounds today. A heavy door opens, creaking.
FINA
Nope, it’s deserted. We’re good.
VELUNE
Come in, then, everyone.
Door creaks open more, and then shuts.
STERLING
Your Highness, it is good of you to agree to meet with us.
AVALINE
Highness, is it? No one’s called me that in a fair while.
STERLING
Well, seeing as it is your title.
AVALINE
I don’t often frequent buildings these days.
FINA
This one’s totally safe. It’s our usual Inn. Yours too, I think.
AVALINE
I’m not certain I’m supposed to enter a place of safety. It may be against my oath.
FINA
How about this: we promise not to blab.
MELTYRE
Here, we’ll-we’ll buy you a drink.
AVALINE
You’ll…buy me a drink.
VELUNE
Tessa serves a very fine cider.
AVALINE
I think uh…I think I’d like that.
(chair scoots, shuffling, settling)
Yes, now that you mention it, this…does seem familiar.
(heavy clunk on wood)
VELUNE
You can sheath your sword, if you like.
AVALINE
I haven’t sheathed it for the duration of my oath, and I will not start tonight.
VELUNE
Of course.
FINA
(muttering)
Don’t you care about table manners, Sterling?
STERLING
(aside)
I’m not about to say so to Dame Avaline.
BETTY
What’s this oath?
AVALINE
Ah, cutting right to the point, are we?
STERLING
My apologies, my friend Betty can be a bit too succinct.
AVALINE
On the contrary, young lord. After all this time I am no longer accustomed to pleasantries. And furthermore, I like your axe.
BETTY
(pleased)
Thanks.
AVALINE
(shifting)
But first I have some questions of my own, starting with you, young lord. Whose house are you?
STERLING
Whitetower, your Highness.
AVALINE
Whitetower? You’re the late Lord Samuel’s boy? Sterling, was it?
STERLING
Er…yes.
AVALINE
Fine man, he was, your father.
STERLING
(supremely uncomfortable)
Thank you, your Highness.
AVALINE
The house Whitetower is not known for questing or fighting. Although I see you’re a paladin as well. Or…rather, you were.
STERLING
(stiffly)
Due to a false accusation, my order has placed me in disgrace, yes. But my god has shown no sign that he disapproves of me.
VELUNE
(quietly)
Well done.
AVALINE
Interesting. And you, priest? Or priestess?
VELUNE
Neither, Dame Avaline. I am Friar Velune, worshipper of Pelor.
AVALINE
An important person in your Abbey?
VELUNE
Not particularly. I was once a scholar of some note, but not for many years.
AVALINE
Fascinating. And you two. Mercenaries?
BETTY
Used to be.
FINA
We’re aiming a little higher these days.
BETTY
Art for art’s sake.
FINA
Leaders among our people. Or your people, anyway.
BETTY
(chuckles)
AVALINE
Uh huh.
(long pause)
I really don’t know what to make of you.
MELTYRE
(clears throat)
I’m a wizard. Your…Highness.
AVALINE
So claims your hat. Who trained you?
MELTYRE
The circle of the greenish fire.
AVALINE
You’re a master?
MELTYRE
A member.
AVALINE
Ah, I should have known. You’re young, aren’t you?
STERLING
He ought to be a master.
FINA
He’s got all the training, he just ran into bad luck.
AVALINE
I see. So. We have a smart boy playing dress-up as a wizard, two mercenaries who are too nice these days to do mercenary work, a young lord in disgrace, and an ancient nobody.
STERLING
(offended)
Your Highness, I do beg your pardon—
FINA
Is there a question in there, lady?
AVALINE
(angry, getting angrier)
There most certainly is. Why you? Why now? Why has it taken so long for someone to come for me? Why in the name of every god has my brother not sent someone sooner?
TESSA
Good evening, everyone—
AVALINE
(cries out)
A sword drawn, which strikes against an axe.
TESSA
My word!
BETTY
(deadly calm)
Put it down. It’s just Tessa.
AVALINE
(panting)
She—she startled me.
BETTY
You’re not in danger.
AVALINE
(catching her breath)
Right.
Sword slides off of the axe.
TESSA
Gracious.
MELTYRE
Are you all right, Tessa?
TESSA
I’ll be fine. Not the first time I’ve been nearly cleft in two. Glad to see you found her.
AVALINE
Do I know…no I do, don’t I? You were here before.
TESSA
I was. Would you like something to drink, Avaline?
AVALINE
Yes. And please accept my apology. The friar mentioned something about cider?
TESSA
Consider it done.
Footsteps under the next line, and a door opening.
AVALINE
Now, where were we…ah yes, you were about to explain why my brother sent such a ragtag group on a rescue mission that, if I’m not mistaken, is about a decade overdue. Is that right? A decade?
STERLING
It’s been fifteen years since you set off, your Highness.
AVALINE
Fifteen years, by the gods. And after all this time, he chooses you.
MELTYRE
Uh, Highness—
AVALINE
This is him being stingy again, isn’t it? Too much of a closed fist to hire some proper help.
VELUNE
Dame Avaline, your brother did not send us.
Pause.
AVALINE
But he must have. Who else?
FINA
Your niece. Princess Marie.
AVALINE
I don’t have a…well, I didn’t. She’d have to be less than fifteen years old!
BETTY
She’s thirteen.
AVALINE
(wearily)
Ohh, and now things are starting to make sense. What in the gods’ name is Broderick thinking, letting a child—
VELUNE
Dame Avaline, I’m sorry to tell you this at this time and place, but your brother is no longer with us.
AVALINE
(deeply wounded)
…Oh.
VELUNE
I’m so sorry.
AVALINE
(softly)
…How? H-how did it happen?
STERLING
There was a coup. He was overthrown.
AVALINE
(hurt)
I told him. I told him that if he didn’t stop acting like a fool and start acting like a king he’d…how long has he been dead?
FINA
What, a couple of months now?
AVALINE
Is that—is that all? He didn’t…
BETTY
You expected him to come for you.
AVALINE
You’re damn well right I did! He’s my brother!
STERLING
I believe he thought—most of us thought—you were dead.
AVALINE
And no one bothered to look? Not one person?
STERLING
People did try. Nothing formal, I don’t think, but—
AVALINE
(angry and grieved)
Nothing bloody useful, either. Gods…
Brief silence.
MELTYRE
(whispering)
What do we do?
VELUNE
(whispering)
Give her a moment.
Long silence, before Avaline takes a deep breath.
AVALINE
Right then. You’ve come to rescue me, have you? On the orders of the Princess?
FINA
We’re working on a request, not an order. If it was orders I’d be expecting payment.
AVALINE
That’s right, I forgot. You’re a nice former mercenary.
FINA
Ish.
AVALINE
On her request, then. Why now?
STERLING
It was the coup, your Highness. She’s left as a puppet ruler under a cruel steward. Her life is in danger.
AVALINE
And who is this cruel steward?
VELUNE
The Lord Charles Denetrah.
AVALINE
Denetrah. I should have killed him when I had the chance.
STERLING
If you come and claim stewardship, you’ll be saving both the princess and the kingdom.
AVALINE
Yes. It’s a shame I cannot go.
STERLING
(sputtering)
But—but-but-but you’re the protector of the throne! It’s your duty!
AVALINE
(bitter laugh)
Oh, duty!
(scornful)
Do not speak to me about being dutiful, young lord! You haven’t a notion of what that means, what true sacrifice means.
VELUNE
Surely you cannot mean to abandon your niece…
AVALINE
And why not? Her father abandoned me!
STERLING
But Dame Avaline—
AVALINE
No. I’ve had enough. Where’s my cider?
FINA
Okay. Okay. Let me get this straight. You’re gonna throw a little fit, like a child, over some sibling rivalry, and stay in this awful forest. Forever.
AVALINE
Were you too stupid to be a mercenary, or have you not been listening?
FINA
(through gritted teeth)
Why, you—
BETTY
Easy.
AVALINE
Oh, by all means try it, I’ll cut you in half. Or should I say quarters, halfling?
FINA
(guitar twang)
That’s it, you puffed up, snotty—
VELUNE
Fina, no, no—
STERLING
Fina! If I may?
(pause)
Dame Avaline, you will not speak this way to my friends.
AVALINE
Won’t I now?
STERLING
You won’t. We may not be what you expected—in fact, I think if you knew all about us, you’d think we were even worse—
VELUNE
Sterling…
STERLING
But the fact is that we found you when no one else could. We are your only chance, and if you wish to leave, you’ll keep that in the forefront of your mind.
AVALINE
Well, you really are Lord Samuel’s son, aren’t you?
STERLING
You don’t know who I am. You don’t know who any of us are. So you might try a note of humility.
AVALINE
(almost amused)
Humility?
FINA
You better believe it, lady.
AVALINE
Well. Fine. I am at your mercy, then.
FINA
But you won’t come with us.
AVALINE
I didn’t say “won’t,” halfling. I said “can’t.”
BETTY
This is your oath.
AVALINE
Precisely.
STERLING
What exactly is this oath?
AVALINE
I swore to serve my master until my brother sent someone to retrieve me, in exchange for the defeat of the sorceress who threatened his life.
MELTYRE
Oh, so, that’s why the story says you’re trapped in the trees.
AVALINE
It says what?
FINA
Trapped by social convention. Good gods.
VELUNE
And who is your master?
AVALINE
The queen of the fey.
Brief pause.
FINA
(shaken)
Oh…no. You didn’t. You did not do that.
MELTYRE
You don’t make deals with the fey, you don’t mess with the fey!
AVALINE
Do you take me for a fool, boy? Do you suppose I would have done this if I thought I had any other choice?
FINA
You had to know there was no way you were getting the better end of the bargain here.
AVALINE
I had considered it from every angle. But the fey cannot lie. There was at least a chance this way, whereas if I had not taken her up on her offer, I would have no chance at all, and neither would Broderick.
VELUNE
Every story I’ve heard about you has you down as a warrior of legendary caliber. Were you so pressed?
AVALINE
(bitter and sharp)
All my soldiers dead, no magic, no healing, gradually chipping away at the most powerful sorceress in all history, while fighting the native flora and fauna of the Wood of Woe every step of the way? Yes, I was so pressed! I would not have won!
MELTYRE
You gave up everything.
AVALINE
I gave my life for my kingdom, as was my duty. I just happen to be still living through it.
VELUNE
Were you so sure the king would send for you?
AVALINE
Not particularly sure, no. But I had hoped.
Pause.
FINA
All right, I guess we’re doing this. What was the exact wording of your oath? Maybe we can still get you out of this.
AVALINE
I beg your pardon?
MELTYRE
You thinking there’s some kind of loophole?
AVALINE
I’m sorry, are you serious? You just said that one shouldn’t mess with the fey.
MELTYRE
Unless you know another way to save the kingdom.
STERLING
Is it possible to outsmart a fey?
BETTY
We gotta try.
AVALINE
My gods. You aren’t just adventurers, are you? You think you’re heroes.
FINA
Hey, what’s with the scorn? We can’t win with you.
MELTYRE
All we’re trying to do is help your niece.
AVALINE
This way lies madness.
VELUNE
(dismissively)
Perhaps you’d prefer if we didn’t try at all? Left you here and your kingdom and niece to whatever fate may take them?
Pause.
AVALINE
This isn’t going to work.
VELUNE
Then we can’t lose anything by trying.
AVALINE
Perhaps I can’t, but you certainly can.
STERLING
Let us worry about that. What was your oath?
FINA
And I’m being dead serious here, I want the exact words.
AVALINE
(sighs)
(almost bored; she knows these words by heart)
I swore to fight for my master, the queen of the fey, seeking neither safety nor rest, until such time as my brother sent for me.
STERLING
If the queen of the fey is so powerful that she can defeat a sorceress with no trouble, why does she want you to fight for her?
AVALINE
I am not a guard or soldier, Lord Whitetower. I am more a sort of…
FINA
Toy?
AVALINE
That’s about it, yes. I fight for her amusement, not her protection, and I am not permitted to stop.
FINA
Which is why you didn’t want to come inside the Inn.
AVALINE
Correct.
FINA
Well since you didn’t seek it, it’s probably fine. There’s actually quite a bit of room for interpretation here, which is good for us.
STERLING
Why seeking no rest or safety?
AVALINE
She said it would be more fun that way.
MELTYRE
That’s sadistic.
FEY
(voice echoing, until it’s not)
Well, when you’re effectively immortal, you have to make your own fun.
Chair scoots, weapons drawn, and the next line all at once.
FINA
What the—
AVALINE
Oh, no.
FEY
Oh, hello! Excuse me for interrupting, just thought I’d drop by.
MELTYRE
You’re the one who cast that illusion spell on us!
FEY
The same, little wizard.
STERLING
Who are you?
FEY
Who am I? I think I ought to be offended.
Door opens.
TESSA
One cider, here we—
(glass drops, crashing to the floor)
FEY
Oh, hello, you’re cute and small! Who are you?
TESSA
(shaky)
There is a fey. In my inn.
FEY
There’s a magic inn in my forest, but you don’t see me complaining.
TESSA
Adventurers…
FINA
Let us take care of this, Miss Tessa.
TESSA
(sighs; exasperated)
Fey magic.
Door opens and shuts.
FEY
Avaline, dearest, would you care to make introductions?
AVALINE
These five are the heroes my brother’s daughter sent to retrieve me.
FEY
Oh, that I know.
STERLING
And you are?
AVALINE
This is my master. The queen of the fey.
FEY
Thank you, my brave warrior. Heroes, are you?
BETTY
We try.
FEY
Well then. You want to bargain for Avaline? Let’s bargain.
STERLING
You would bargain with one who’s sworn to serve you?
FEY
Are you complaining, pretty princeling?
STERLING
It’s just…not the form of oath I’m accustomed to.
FEY
Welcome to the Wood of Woe.
FINA
Just so we’re clear on our goal here—you accepted Avaline’s oath because…
FEY
Oh, because I’d never seen anyone like her. She was so much fun to watch.
VELUNE
She entertains you, then? A bit like a court jester?
FEY
Oh, I rather like that! Are you my little jester, sweet Avaline?
AVALINE
(stiffly)
If that is what you require of me, my lady.
FEY
Let us say yes for our purposes, my aged friend.
FINA
Then you’d be willing to trade her for something equally entertaining?
FEY
Certainly. One of you would do.
Dreadful silence.
STERLING
One of…one of us.
FEY
Why yes. If one of you swore to me in my dear Avaline’s stead, I’d be willing to overlook the fact that her brother did not send you.
FINA
Are you sure? (forced laughter) You don’t want us, we’re like, nobody. Ask Avaline.
FEY
What’s this, my dear?
AVALINE
Uh—I er…it was established earlier that these people, while heroic, aren’t especially…
FINA
Impressive?
STERLING
Special?
BETTY
Clean.
VELUNE
(tinged with annoyance)
I believe you called us, and not wrongly, a boy playing dress-up, two useless mercenaries, a young lord in disgrace, and an ancient nobody, am I right?
FEY
Oh, Avaline! That was not very kind! How short is your vision, my dear. They are far more than that.
VELUNE
But surely we don’t stack up to the protector of the throne, the legendary Dame Avaline.
FEY
Gods, it must be so tiresome to be wrong all the time.
MELTYRE
Should we be flattered or worried?
FINA
Oh, definitely worried.
FEY
So, those are my terms. One of you, swearing the same oath as Avaline, in exchange for absolving her of her oath.
FINA
Can we take a minute to talk it over?
FEY
Certainly, certainly. I’ll be over here.
FINA
All right, huddle up, gang. You too, Avaline.
Shuffling. Fey hums “Daisy Bell” in the background.
FINA
Okay, so. Meltyre, what do we do?
MELTYRE
Me? Why me?!
VELUNE
I got the impression you had a plan, Fina.
FINA
Yeah, my plan was not to throw down with a fey mano a mano!
BETTY
What did you think was gonna happen?
FINA
I was hoping we could exploit a loophole and run for it! This is easily the stupidest thing we’ve ever done.
STERLING
We can’t fail now, not now that we’ve found her Highness.
FINA
We most certainly can. And we might! We need a loophole. There’s got to be a loophole.
STERLING
I don’t see that there’s any other choice. One of us must stay behind.
AVALINE
You’re honestly considering her offer?
STERLING
What else can we do?
Pause.
STERLING
To that end, I’d like to say right out, it should not be Meltyre. He has his sisters to worry about.
VELUNE
Oh yes, certainly.
MELTYRE
Oh gods, thank you. I didn’t want to say anything, but—but wait, then, you shouldn’t go either, since you have your mom.
STERLING
My mother will be fine without me. Your sisters still need you.
VELUNE
You’d be willing to take this on, then?
STERLING
If that’s what’s required of me.
BETTY
No.
STERLING
What? Why?
BETTY
It should be Fina and me. We’re used to this anyway.
VELUNE
I would prefer not to leave anyone here alone.
BETTY
Right, and it’s two for one. The queen will like that.
AVALINE
Pardon the interjection, but I don’t think she would.
MELTYRE
Why not?
AVALINE
She’s not entertained by teamwork. In fact, she’d probably find a way to pit you against each other.
BETTY
Oh.
VELUNE
I would like to add, I would also be willing to stay. It’s not as though I have as many years left as the rest of you anyway.
STERLING
Are you sure you’d last out here by yourself?
VELUNE
Well, if there’s no one to hide the necromancy from, then I might as well use it, and with that I’d likely be fine.
AVALINE
I’m sorry, did you say necromancy?
VELUNE
(hastily)
Besides, Sterling, my god is much more understanding than yours. Would St. Cuthbert look kindly on you, if you swore an oath to a fey?
STERLING
Oh. I hadn’t considered that.
VELUNE
I think it ought to be me.
Fey stops humming in the background.
MELTYRE
Fina? You’re being quiet.
FINA
Mmm, am I?
STERLING
I understand if you don’t want to be the one who stays behind, Fina.
FINA
Oh, it’s not that, pretty boy. Working for a fey would be kind of kickass, actually.
AVALINE
I would not agree.
VELUNE
If it’s not that, Fina, then what’s on your mind?
FINA
I’m just trying to remember—did the queen say to Tessa that these were her woods?
STERLING
Did she?
VELUNE
Oh, I believe she did.
FINA
Right, there’s a magic inn in her forest, but you don’t see her complaining…but the Wood of Woe isn’t the feywild. The queen of the fey is the queen of the feywild.
MELTYRE
Tessa said the Wood is close, though, somehow.
FINA
Meltyre, even if the boundary here is thin, it’s still a boundary. The queen can’t lay a claim here.
AVALINE
What’s your point, halfling?
FINA
Listen, your dameship, this is very important. Has your master ever called herself queen of the fey?
AVALINE
Of course she has.
FINA
Okay, when? Think.
Pause.
AVALINE
Well she…she must have.
FINA
Think of a single specific incident.
AVALINE
To what end? What is your purpose in this?
FINA
Fey can’t lie. And they can’t claim something that’s not actually theirs.
STERLING
What are you saying, Fina?
FINA
I’m saying that whoever that is over there, whoever you’ve been serving, Avaline…they are not the queen of the fey.
Theme song.
TESSA
To be continued…
Credits:
Episode 2.13, “The Forsworn,” was written and directed by Hannah Wright, with assistant director William Wright. The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Sterling is Marquis Dijon Archuleta; the voice of Betty is Kaleigh Christopher; the voice of Fina is Riley Jones; the voice of Velune is Kira Mills; and the voice of Meltyre is Austin Mowat.
This episode featured the voice of special guest Georgia McKenzie as Dame Avaline. Check out her work at GPMckenzie.com. The voice of the Fey was Shade Oyemakinwa.
Fina’s guitar is played by Eli Isbell, and our theme song is by Eli McIlveen.
Transcripts for this and every episode can be found on our website, thegoblinshead.com. Find and follow us on twitter, @inn_between_, or support us on patreon, at patreon.com/thegoblinshead.
If you like our show, become a gladiator for a whimsical forest spirit, or leave us a review. Thanks for listening!
Theme song ends.
Clattering dishes.
TESSA
(muttering to herself with growing aggravation)
It’s fine, Tessa, we’ll take care of it, Tessa, it’s just a living fey person in your inn, Tessa. You weren’t here the last time. And who’s going to clean up the aftermath? Not the heroes, let me tell you…
End.