Our heroes go over the facts.
Transcript is below the cut!
INTRO (0:00):
TESSA
Previously on Inn Between…
Inn Between theme plays in the background.
ROSIE
I’m Rosie, my specialty is… let’s call it material acquisition.
KNOWLES
Sergeant Teric Knowles of the Guard, pleasure to meet you.
CASTOR
Castor Acroterion. I’m a scholar of demonology.
TODE
I am Tode.
CASTOR
Like the animal?
TODE
No.
ZARA
Zara. Sorceress.
ROSIE
(giggles)
What a crew!
STERLING
Can we count on you?
Inn Between theme fades away.
Background sounds of the inn, people chattering.
Chair scoots.
ROSIE
Uh, is this the same inn?
ZARA
How exactly would that be possible?
KNOWLES
Oh! The Captain mentioned something about this!
(pleased)
The inn thinks we’re interesting.
ROSIE
Oh, is that what this is?
CASTOR
(bewildered chuckle)
Ah, I’m sorry, the inn is… following us?
TODE
How curious. Is it alive, I wonder? In the traditional sense?
ROSIE
Fina talked about this, but I thought she was… joking.
KNOWLES
So, it was Fina the Bard who recruited you, then?
ROSIE
Yes. And Betty! But I’ve known Fina a little longer.
KNOWLES
I’d give my sword arm to meet Betty!
(beat)
And you knew the two of them before they were famous heroes?
ROSIE
We… ran in similar circles.
KNOWLES
And Friar Velune recruited you, Tode. Is that right?
TODE
Yes, Velune and I have been acquainted ever since they stumbled into my hermitage many, many years ago, and since then we have often relied on each other’s various areas of expertise.
For example, when I needed hallowed ground placed around my latrine trenches.
CASTOR
(baffled)
Why…?
KNOWLES
And Zara, you’re friends with Meltyre?
ZARA
(snorts)
“Friends” is a little strong. He was the scholarship kid, and I was the weird demon woman in the circle. We were just sort of in proximity.
KNOWLES
Then why answer his call, as it were?
ZARA
(scoffs, defensive)
I didn’t “answer” his “call.” He… covered for me a lot before the Circle found out I was using wild magic. That’s all. I… owed him a favor.
ROSIE
Now it’s your turn, Knowles. Why did you volunteer for this gig?
KNOWLES
Oh, one of us had to. And it sounded interesting. More interesting than another palace patrol, anyway.
CASTOR
So… Captain Whitetower just… randomly assigned us a guard?
KNOWLES
Well, no… not really. He did ask me specifically.
ZARA
(scornful)
There’s no need for modesty.
KNOWLES
(humorous)
I don’t have a lot to begin with, I gotta find it somewhere.
ROSIE
(laughs)
KNOWLES
Alright, last one. What’s your story, Brother Castor?
CASTOR
For the last time, I’m not…
(sigh)
I’m no monk or priest, it’s just… Castor.
ZARA
Then why do you live in a monastery?
CASTOR
I was just… staying there. Studying.
KNOWLES
Who recruited you?
CASTOR
Uhm… not anyone, I don’t think.
The head of the monastery got word that they needed an expert in, uhm… demonology? They had the largest library on the topic in the kingdom.
KNOWLES
But they sent you because…?
CASTOR
I have read them all.
KNOWLES
(impressed)
Oh.
ZARA
So, you’re really just a scholar?
CASTOR
That is what I’ve been saying.
ZARA
You don’t know magic or martial arts or…? Anything?
CASTOR
(chuckle)
No! Course not! I don’t have any talent for wild magic and studying wizard magic outside of a Circle is… illegal.
ROSIE
(voice strained from holding back a laugh)
We… wouldn’t want to do… anything illegal, now, would we?
KNOWLES
Well, the law is the law, but it is not a very well enforced rule.
CASTOR
It is among dwarves. I could get in serious trouble! So… no magic for me!
ZARA
(she is decidedly unimpressed)
Hm. Better hope we don’t run into anything too dangerous.
CASTOR
Shouldn’t we all be hoping that?
KNOWLES
Don’t worry, Castor. I’ll look after you.
CASTOR
I can… hold my own, if it comes to that, but this is a fact-finding mission, isn’t it? We should be fine.
ZARA
(pointedly)
Famous last words.
ROSIE
Oh, you never know! Maybe this will be an easy hundred gold!
ZARA
You’re awfully optimistic.
ROSIE
(easily)
I try to be.
KNOWLES
You know, you don’t see many drow this far south of the mountains.
ROSIE
Except for the one I see in mirror every day! She’s always around.
KNOWLES
(chuckles)
ROSIE
You’re not wrong, though. I’m unusual, but I like the sunshine too much to be any different.
ZARA
Gods.
ROSIE
What?
ZARA
You sound like a nursery school teacher.
ROSIE
(less cheerful now)
There’s nothing wrong with that.
ZARA
(yeah there is)
Hm.
TODE
I think it would be best if we speculated a little about what’s ahead. It might do to be prepared for a variety of situations.
CASTOR
Uhm, yeah. Probably a good idea.
KNOWLES
Alright, experts, do your thing.
ZARA, CASTOR AND TODE
(overlapping)
Right
A rather awkward pause.
CASTOR
(hesitant)
Uh… Why don’t you go first, Zara?
ZARA
Are you condescending to me, dwarf?
CASTOR
No! I—I just—I thought after I made all those assumptions yesterday—
ZARA
(cutting him off)
(faux-pleasantly)
Oh? Were there more?
CASTOR
(sigh)
Is there any way I’m going to come out of this conversation… favorably?
ZARA
There’s not. I’d love to go first.
(clears throat)
Thinking about this blood feud in the context of wild magic doesn’t make a lot of sense. Wild magic is sudden, spontaneous and quick. If this is wild magic, it’s someone casting it over a long period of time, not a naturally occurring incident.
KNOWLES
But who would want to do that?
ZARA
You remember that sorceress from the Wood of Woe?
TODE
A powerful and dire personage indeed.
ZARA
Look, the stereotypes about wild magic are mostly people being alarmists, but… I mean, power corrupts. That’s why wizard magic is regulated and that’s why people are afraid of sorcery.
ROSIE
So, one possibility is a sorcerer. Check.
ZARA
Right.
(same faux-pleasant tone as before)
Now you can go ahead.
CASTOR
Uhm… right.
(hesitant)
Um. It’s… entirely possible that the blood feud is part of some greater, fiendish design. It wouldn’t be the first time the powers of the abyss invaded this plane to sow chaos among mortals. It’s just the sort of thing they like, honestly. A hundred years of people killing each other.
There are a lot of ways they could do it, too, from minor enchantments to full possessions.
(beat)
The trouble is… if that’s the case, then the kingdom might have a real problem.
One demon who could do this would be bad enough, but it’s rarely just one demon. They’re hierarchical and bureaucratic. Uhm… if it’s a demon, we’ll be lucky if they’re working on their own.
ROSIE
Ooh-kay! Demon hoard! Also a possibility!
KNOWLES
(with a sigh)
Check.
TODE
(pleasant)
Interesting proposals, all. Multifaceted, like a snowflake.
ZARA
Let me guess, you have a different theory.
TODE
Was that not the point and purpose of getting us together?
KNOWLES
He’s not wrong.
TODE
For my part, there are many creatures that could cause the sort of terror a blood feud comes from, most of them sentient: a mind flayer, for example, or an especially determined beholder. Even something that only has temporary control over the minds of other beings could set things in motion.
In which case, it is a matter of finding the creature and turning it away.
KNOWLES
Or killing it.
TODE
I suppose, if we’re left with no alternative.
KNOWLES
You’re not talking about some poor animal. You’re talking about a monster.
TODE
(firmly)
All creatures only try their best to survive in a harsh and unforgiving world. If the creature is sentient, then perhaps just action is required in order to stop the violence.
(considering)
But perhaps it is not sentient, perhaps it is a fungus or a parasite.
ROSIE
(sarcastic)
Oh, delightful!
KNOWLES
Some kind of monster then.
ROSIE
Check.
KNOWLES
I don’t love any of these possibilities, I’ll be honest.
ZARA
If we do our jobs right and we’re lucky, you might not have to deal with any of them.
ROSIE
Ah, Lady Luck. Not exactly a dependable gal.
TODE
But she does have a sense of humor.
ROSIE
(laughs)
True.
CASTOR
So… what do we do, if we find out it’s one of these things?
KNOWLES
We have plenty of time to think about that on the way. It’s still a few weeks out to Belling.
ROSIE
(cheerfully)
And, in the meantime, maybe we can get to know each other a little.
ZARA
(laughs)
Yeah, no. I’m going to my room.
KNOWLES
Little… early for bed there, Zara.
ZARA
Didn’t say I was going to bed.
Chair scoots.
Footsteps going away.
TODE
I better begin looking for a nice tree to sleep in.
CASTOR
You’re not going to sleep inside?
TODE
Why would I do that?
Chair scoots.
Lighter footsteps going away.
CASTOR
Uhm… I think I’m going to get a drink.
KNOWLES
Not you too, Castor.
CASTOR
(uncomfortable)
I can… come back, I guess.
ROSIE
(that’s worse, actually)
Oh, no. Don’t feel pressured.
(disappointed)
You can do what you want.
CASTOR
Right.
Chair scoots.
Footsteps going away.
KNOWLES
Well, I’ll stay to get to know you, Rosie.
ROSIE
Thank you! At least someone around here is interested in making friends.
KNOWLES
What exactly is it you do for a living anyway? I was never clear on that.
ROSIE
Oh…
(awkward)
Ooh, boy. Knowles, how on-duty are you right now, would you say?
KNOWLES
Looking after all of you? I don’t plan to be off-duty pretty much at all.
ROSIE
Mhmm. Well, then… The information I can share with you about my job is going to be somewhat… limited.
KNOWLES
Why?
ROSIE
(exasperated)
Leaping Lolth. Uhm…
(low tone)
I might go to bed early, too.
KNOWLES
I don’t understand.
Chair scoots.
ROSIE
Goodnight!
Footsteps going away.
A different set of footsteps returning.
CASTOR
What happened?
KNOWLES
I’m not really sure.
CASTOR
Oh.
Chair scoots.
CASTOR
Kind of a shame. I would’ve liked to talk to her.
KNOWLES
(very interested, teasing tone)
Oh, you think she’s cute, don’t you?
CASTOR
(increasingly awkward)
I… Uhm uh… she is… She is cute. Right? Isn’t she?
KNOWLES
(pleased)
She is.
(serious once more)
I just don’t know why she’s so evasive about her job. And after she said she wanted to get to know people, too.
CASTOR
I think it’s because she’s a thief.
KNOWLES
She’s a what?
Inn sounds fade away.
OUTRO (11:48):
Inn Between theme fades in and plays in the background.
TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between…
ROSIE
Did I say something wrong? Why don’t you want to talk to me?
TODE
Some bridges are very hard to cross.
CASTOR
And we’ve still got so far to go.
CREDITS (12:10):
HANNAH
This episode, “The Experts”, was written and directed by Hannah Wright with assistant director William Wright. The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Castor is Caleb Del Rio. The voice of Zara is Quin Leigh. The voice of Tode is Anthony Morales. The voice of Rosie is Lucille Valentine. The voice of Knowles is JV Hampton-VanSant.
Our theme song is by Eli Hamada McIlveen and our artwork is by Gabrielle Buxman. Our transcriber is Ria Couoh.
The transcripts for this and every episode can be found on our website, thegoblinshead.com.
Find and follow us on Twitter, @inn_between_. Or support us on patreon at patreon.com/thegoblinshead.
If you like the show, give a forty-minute lecture on its literary themes. Or leave us a review.
Thanks for listening!
Music ends.
POST-CREDITS (13:07):
Background sounds of inn chatter.
TESSA
Listen, sir, I realize you are just trying to confide in me, but I think you’re in the wrong here. I mean, that’s no way to treat a lady.
(beat)
Well, that’s no way to treat a sentient ooze either! I mean, really.
EPISODE ENDS.