Our heroes have a little chat.
Transcript is below the cut!
Transcript provided by Ria Couoh.
NOTE: Discussion of spiders and their consumption starting on 9:07 and until end of episode at 10:03.
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INTRO (0:00):
HANNAH
Hey, everyone! Hannah here to give you a heads up that you should stick around after the episode to hear a promo for one of my favorite podcasts!
Me & AU is a story about the kind of connections you can only make through fandom and how love in stories can parallel love IRL. You’ll recognize a familiar voice in Sam Nguyen, the voice of Killiker.
If you like the way Inn Between plays with genre fiction and expectations, you’ll love Me & AU.
And now, let’s go to the inn!
TESSA
Previously on Inn Between…
Inn Between theme plays in the background.
ROSIE
(giggles)
What a crew!
TODE
Some bridges are very hard to cross.
KNOWLES
I don’t understand why Rosie is so evasive about her job!
CASTOR
I think it’s because she’s a thief.
KNOWLES
She’s a what?
Inn Between theme spikes then fades away.
Background sounds of inn, people talking.
ZARA
So, then, what are we looking for if we’re looking for demons?
CASTOR
Uhm… uh…
ZARA
(absolutely done with this)
Besides me, you cretin.
CASTOR
I-I’m sorry. Sorry. Uhm…
The outwards signs of demonic activity are subtle, really hard to spot. Because mostly what they do is take advantage of preexisting biases and prejudices. Kind of… exaggerating the qualities people already… have.
KNOWLES
So, how are we supposed to tell?
CASTOR
You look for people acting… out of character, crossing lines they normally wouldn’t. Demons are pretty vain though, so… they’ll wanna take credit for their work, eventually. Sometimes you can… goad them out.
ROSIE
(cheery tone)
Hm! No thanks!
TODE
Seems like a dangerous tack for fact-finding.
CASTOR
What about creatures, Tode? What should we be looking for?
TODE
Each creature has slightly different signs. We may have to search for lairs or dens or test likely victims for magical contaminations, both benign and malevolent.
KNOWLES
Do a little investigating, then?
ROSIE
I could take a lead on that, if someone’s there to cast Detect Magic.
ZARA
Easy.
TODE
I know that spell as well. We can split into teams, unless it’s sorcery we’re looking for.
KNOWLES
And what does that look like, Zara?
ZARA
If it’s sorcery, we’ll be able to tell. There are visual cues. Watch out mostly for people’s eyes glowing. Unlike demons, I guess, sorcery isn’t subtle.
KNOWLES
Well, this all makes me feel a little more prepared. Thank you, experts.
Some severely awkward silence.
ROSIE
(trying very hard)
So… where’s everyone from?
ZARA
Ugh.
TODE
The woods.
ROSIE
Really? Which woods?
TODE
I… don’t remember.
Even more awkward silence.
ROSIE
Knowles! Where are you from?
KNOWLES
(shortly)
Born and raised in the capitol.
ROSIE
(prompting)
That’s interesting.
KNOWLES
Not really.
The awkward silence is back again.
ROSIE
(hurt)
Did I say something wrong? Is there a reason why no one wants to talk to me?
TODE
I don’t think you said anything wrong.
ROSIE
Then why the silent treatment? I’m just… trying to make friends?
CASTOR
Maybe a… different question?
A small beat.
ROSIE
(forced cheer)
What’s everyone’s favorite food?
TODE
(pleasant)
The woods.
ZARA
(unpleasant)
Will you give it a rest, nursery teacher? Nobody wants to be friends with you.
CASTOR
Now, that’s… that’s not…
KNOWLES
Little harsh there, Zara.
ZARA
Then, I don’t want to be friends with you.
ROSIE
(genuinely offended)
Ouch! Why the hostility?
ZARA
(scoffs lightly)
It’s not like you’re special, Rosie. I don’t want to be friends with anyone.
KNOWLES
That’s just sad.
ZARA
(a little defensive)
Not if it’s a choice.
ROSIE
Oh my gods, are you serious?
ZARA
Do I look like I’m joking?
ROSIE
Are you that heartless?
ZARA
Probably.
KNOWLES
Cool it, Zara.
ROSIE
Well, you’re one to talk, Knowles. I thought we had a nice little rapport going! And now you don’t even want to acknowledge me.
KNOWLES
Well, that was before I knew you were a thief!
Another silence. Yes, another.
ROSIE
Oh, is that what this is about?
KNOWLES
(stiff)
The law is the law.
ROSIE
(annoyed)
So, what are you going to do? Arrest me?
KNOWLES
Out of respect for my Captain and the job he asked me to do? No. But—
ROSIE
(tired)
This is my own fault for trying to be friends with a guard.
KNOWLES
What is that supposed to mean?
ROSIE
You’re all the same! The only thing that’s important is either your own righteousness or your own ego! And you don’t care who you have to stomp on to appease it!
KNOWLES
I uphold the law.
ROSIE
Do you? Really? You want to talk about thieves? You served as guard under Lord Denetrah and King Broderick, didn’t you?
KNOWLES
I… did, but I don’t see how—
ROSIE
Lord Denetrah, the murdering usurper? King Broderick, who raised taxes five times the usual rate on people who couldn’t afford it?
KNOWLES
(fumbling)
I—I—
ROSIE
And what did you do about it? You who care about the law so much?
KNOWLES
What could I do? I have to serve the throne, no matter who’s on it.
ROSIE
Even when the throne is breaking the law?
(cold)
You’re such a hypocrite.
ZARA
Wow, you made her mad. I’m almost impressed.
ROSIE
Shut up, Zara.
Some silence here.
TODE
Personally, I like to think of every living creature as my friend. And I suppose that does include you, young Rosie.
ROSIE
Well, thank you.
ZARA
(condescending)
Good job! That’s one friend!
ROSIE
Seriously?
(whispered)
Shut up.
And more awkward silence. Please send help.
CASTOR
So… I have this cousin. She’s a mushroom farmer. She’s from up in Gypsum Caverns in the Claggherns. Her farm… I don’t know if any of you have ever seen a mushroom farm, but it’s dark and humid and built in a cave.
KNOWLES
Uh, Castor?
CASTOR
And mushrooms grow best in really rich soil, which means you constantly have to add manure and rot and water to keep the soil healthy enough for them to grow.
It… smells pretty bad, but out of all of that comes these delicious black trumpet mushrooms. They’re just exquisite.
A pause as they all process this.
ZARA
So, is this a metaphor or…?
CASTOR
It’s, uh, they’re my favorite food.
TODE
Oh, I see.
ROSIE
(touched)
Thanks, Castor.
CASTOR
Sure. Uhm… Knowles? Have you… ever actually seen Rosie steal something?
KNOWLES
Well… Well, no.
CASTOR
Do you have any evidence from witnesses?
KNOWLES
No, but I—
CASTOR
Has she admitted to any crimes?
ROSIE
She must certainly has not.
CASTOR
So… you can’t just start treating her differently based on hearsay. That’s… unlawful.
KNOWLES
You’re saying I ought to just ignore the fact that she’s a potential criminal?
CASTOR
We’re all potential criminals, Knowles. You included.
TODE
(laughs)
(keeps laughing)
(laughs some more)
Oh! Oh, that’s very good.
(small chuckle)
CASTOR
(a little uncertain)
Thanks, Tode.
ZARA
He’s got a point there, Knowles.
KNOWLES
All… right then. I’ve been acting a fool.
ROSIE
Mmm… Maybe just a smidge.
KNOWLES
It’s not as though I don’t like you, Rosie. I do.
ROSIE
Basically everyone does! Except Zara.
ZARA
(pleased)
Accurate.
KNOWLES
I’ll try to limit my time up on my high horse, then.
ROSIE
Oh, I hear the views are fantastic from up there.
KNOWLES
Not as good as you’d think.
TODE
Is that not always the way of things?
KNOWLES
I don’t know. Is it?
TODE
The question was hypothetical.
KNOWLES
(amused)
Ah, of course it was.
CASTOR
Hey, uhm, Rosie? What’s your favorite food?
ROSIE
Hm… Well, you know, being the sunshiney person that I am, growing up in a drow city was a bit of a challenge. So, there’s not much that I miss about home, but occasionally I get the worst craving for tarantula pie.
CASTOR
(bewildered)
For… For what?
KNOWLES
Oh. No. That’s… that’s not real. You’re messing with us.
ROSIE
(delighted)
I most certainly am not!
ZARA
Wouldn’t the…
(do I really want to say this?)
Wouldn’t the hair be a problem?
ROSIE
(very much enjoying this)
Oh, that’s part of the appeal! Like on a peach!
KNOWLES
(horrified)
No. No. No! Mm-mm.
CASTOR
(overlapping)
(varied sounds of disgust)
Are you serious?
ROSIE
As a grave! I swear it’s delicious.
TODE
A tarantula is a good source of nutrients, but I confess I have never eaten one in a pie… or cooked for that matter.
KNOWLES
Oh my gods. Oh my gods.
ROSIE
(considering)
Mm, raw is just not as good.
TODE
(fading out)
I shall have to try it sometime.
OUTRO (10:06):
Inn Between theme plays in the background.
TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between…
KNOWLES
Listen, this road is dangerous.
Various aggressive lizard noises.
KNOWLES
If we don’t work as a team…
Sword being unsheathed, arrows flying, a target being hit.
KNOWLES
We’re not going to survive.
CREDITS (10:20):
HANNAH
This episode, “The Rapport”, was written and directed by Hannah Wright with assistant director William Wright. The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Castor is Caleb Del Rio. The voice of Zara is Quin Leigh. The voice of Tode is Anthony Morales. The voice of Rosie is Lucille Valentine. The voice of Knowles is JV Hampton-VanSant.
Our theme song is by Eli Hamada McIlveen and our artwork is by Gabrielle Buxman. Our transcriber is Ria Couoh.
Transcripts for this and every episode can be found on our website, thegoblinshead.com.
Find and follow us on Twitter, @inn_between_. Or support us on patreon at patreon.com/thegoblinshead.
If you like the show, build a piece of kinetic artwork portraying its most tragic scene. Or leave us a review.
Thanks for listening!
Music ends.
POST-CREDITS (11:23):
Muffled sounds of inn in the background.
Pen scratching on paper.
TESSA
Dear Klara,
It seems the inn is heading to a town on the coast that is infested with demons or fungi or sorcerers or something. Please do not worry about me, though. My biggest problem as of now is the leaky kegs. You know the ones.
Sounds of pen and inn fade away.
Episode ends.
PROMO (11:45):
Background sounds of nature, including birds and leaves.
GARRET
Sure I can’t get you a drink?
TONY
Uhh… I… uhm….
KATE
(narrating)
They’d had a moment, hadn’t they? That afternoon, when Garrett had smiled just like this: warm eyed and amused in a way that made Tony want another cigarette but also want to step forward and–
STUART
Hey, Kate. What are you writing?
Notebook slamming closed.
Nature ambiance drops.
KATE
(shout of surprised distress)
Me & AU theme song under dialogue.
COMPUTER
New text post on Thursday, May 21st.
Typing.
KATE
Title: Why you should be watching Selkirk….
Typing stops.
A ping of a post being published.
ELLA
So Selkirk fandom, who wants to read my 5,000-word essay, Garrett Lastname, secret werewolf?
Another ping.
KATE
I’m Kate, by the way
Another ping.
ELLA
(delighted)
They kissed?!
Another ping.
KATE
I think I lucked out when I found Selkirk, because if I’d loved something else I would have made friends and I would have been able to read a ton of great stories.
Theme song fades down.
KATE
But this way?
(softly)
I met you.
PHILOMENA
Me and AU, a new story about love and fandom from the Procyon Podcast Network.