Our heroes step back and calculate.
Transcript is below the cut!
Transcript provided by Ria Couoh.
***
INTRO (00:00):
TESSA
Previously on Inn Between…
Inn Between theme plays in the background.
KNOWLES
I don’t like the look of this road.
ZARA
What’s that supposed to mean?
KNOWLES
Get ready for trouble is all I’m saying.
CASTOR
But how do you know?
Kobold noises, hissing.
ROSIE
Time to put that teamwork to the test!
Inn Between theme fades away.
Background noise of tavern.
ZARA
(irritated)
Are you nearly done?
CASTOR
Sorry, almost.
ZARA
(snappish)
By all means! Continue to pull the bandages tighter! I’m sure I read something about that in a medical text!
ROSIE
(pointedly)
If you would relax for even one second…
CASTOR
(cuts her off)
I’m done!
ZARA
Finally. You have any of those berries, Tode?
TODE
Always.
ROSIE
Well, Knowles?
KNOWLES
Well, what?
TODE
How do you think the fight went?
CASTOR
Were we any better at teamwork?
ROSIE
Give us the breakdown, come on.
KNOWLES
You really wanna hear this?
ZARA
You’re probably dying to talk about it, so… Why not?
KNOWLES
(with a small chuckle)
Alright then.
(brief pause)
Well, we didn’t survive based on pure luck this time.
TODE
That is excellent news!
KNOWLES
We did have a little luck.
ZARA
(offended)
Excuse me?
KNOWLES
I said a little, your arm will be fine.
ZARA
Aren’t you supposed to keep the arrows off me?
KNOWLES
I did! For the most part.
(beat)
Or should I say we? Because Tode did quite a bit of that with that moonbeam of his.
TODE
(pleased)
Hard to shoot down arrows when you’re slowly being burned alive by the power of the moon!
KNOWLES
(delighted)
Isn’t it just?
(takes a breath)
I promise, Zara, that one arrow was a freak accident.
ROSIE
(nervously)
Well, I’m right there by Zara. I don’t like the idea that a “freak accident” can just happen to us at any time!
KNOWLES
Oh, come now. The odds of anything hitting you, as fast as you are, with that nice leather breastplate of yours? Around six to one, and that’s if you didn’t see it coming.
ROSIE
Around six to one, huh?
KNOWLES
Well, five point seven. Something like that.
A brief pause.
CASTOR
(processing)
That’s… incredibly precise.
KNOWLES
Those are the odds.
ZARA
(intrigued)
How do you know that?
KNOWLES
That’s just the way the world works.
ROSIE
Huh.
CASTOR
Do you… intuit this? Do you just know?
ZARA
Or do you calculate it instantly?
KNOWLES
Oh, it’s… It’s a little of both? And, you know, some experience.
ROSIE
(impressed)
That’s incredible.
KNOWLES
Just a knack!
ROSIE
Do you know the odds for… everything?
KNOWLES
Not everything.
(in good humor)
Go ahead, ask me about animal attacks! I don’t know a thing.
ZARA
But you knew we were going to be attacked by kobolds today.
KNOWLES
I didn’t know, I just figured it was likely. This stretch of road is dangerous. And kobolds aren’t animals.
CASTOR
But you said to watch out today.
KNOWLES
Well, there is the weather and the way the road looked. They ambushed us in similar conditions last time.
ROSIE
Huh.
ZARA
So, wait. What are the chances of hitting me?
KNOWLES
Depends on the attacker, but… Two to one.
ZARA
(disbelieving)
What?
CASTOR
(puzzled)
Wait, wait. Is two to one better than six to one?
ZARA
Worse.
ROSIE
Means she’d get hit once out of three times while I’d only get hit once out of seven.
CASTOR
Oh, I see. They’re split.
KNOWLES
(amused)
Not much of a gambler, eh, Castor?
CASTOR
(quietly)
Uh… not the sort who deals in odds.
ROSIE
What are the odds we run into, like…? I don’t know, a unicorn? Those aren’t exactly animals.
KNOWLES
Around here? Pretty good comparatively. Almost a hundred to one.
ROSIE
(confused)
That’s… good?
KNOWLES
Anywhere else it’d be more like a thousand. Ten thousand. They like forests and elves.
ROSIE
(pointedly)
Wood elves.
KNOWLES
Apologies. Wood elves. Do they not like drow?
ROSIE
Most of us live underground. You ever try to get a horse underground?
TODE
(amused at that terrible idea)
Oh, no, the majority of them wouldn’t like that at all. Unless they were specifically raised for that purpose. You’d have more luck with a mule.
KNOWLES
Then again, horses are all out of their minds, so.
TODE
Oh, that’s not a fair characterization.
KNOWLES
All the ones I’ve ever met are.
TODE
(defensive)
They’re just terribly anxious.
ZARA
What exactly do you have against animals?
KNOWLES
(I am from a city)
I’m not acquainted with very many. If I was like Tode, living out in the woods, things would be different.
ZARA
Which one of us is most likely to die?
A long pause as they all absorb that.
ROSIE
(awkward)
Wow.
KNOWLES
Come on, Zara.
ZARA
Answer the question.
KNOWLES
(dismissive)
I don’t know.
ZARA
(snort)
Well, don’t start lying now.
KNOWLES
Why do you need to know?
ZARA
You want us to show teamwork. What’s our weakest point?
KNOWLES
(sigh)
It’s my job to know these things. You all don’t have to.
ZARA
So, you do know. Off the top of your head. Who’s going to die?
KNOWLES
No, I know probabilities. Chances. Odds.
ZARA
And you know whose chances are the worst.
KNOWLES
(gaining intensity as they go)
Of course I do. I know everything that could go wrong at any moment. And I know all the worst things that could happen to us all the time. And, frankly, the last thing you need is to have all that rubbish rattling around in your heads too.
Another pause.
CASTOR
(softly)
Is it… me?
KNOWLES
Castor…
CASTOR
You can say it. No weapons. No armor. No magic. It’s me.
KNOWLES
(sigh)
Yes. But! That’s with no intervention from me and I swear to every god, Castor, I will intervene.
ROSIE
(reassuring, gentle)
We wouldn’t let anything happen to you.
TODE
There are many more tricks I could employ to keep you safe.
CASTOR
I…
(frustrated sigh)
Thanks. You don’t… have to.
ZARA
I think that’s just what teamwork is, Castor.
KNOWLES
(teasing)
She does have a heart.
ZARA
Don’t be ridiculous.
TODE
What are our chances of accomplishing our mission, Knowles?
ROSIE
(perking up)
Ooh, yes! Can we stack the odds?
KNOWLES
(laughs)
I mean, it’s just a fact-finding mission, isn’t it? Barring something truly unlucky, our odds are pretty good!
TODE
(soft sigh)
That is a relief to hear.
ZARA
(wary)
What kind of unlucky?
KNOWLES
I promise you, you don’t want to know.
ZARA
But if we’re gonna stack the odds—
KNOWLES
(emphatically)
You don’t want to know, Zara.
ROSIE
(lightly)
Knowles, what about pirates?
KNOWLES
What about pirates?
ROSIE
We’re going to the coast, right? How likely is a pirate altercation? I can’t let Fina have all the fun.
KNOWLES
(laughs)
Well, if we’re just along the coast, the odds are slim. But the moment we walk into town or go out to sea, it goes up to about six to one.
ZARA
About six to one?
KNOWLES
Eh, six point four…
(small beat)
Ish.
ZARA
(uneasy)
We’re not going out to sea though, right?
ROSIE
Why? You don’t get seasick, do you?
ZARA
I think it’s abundantly clear that I’m better with fire than water.
KNOWLES
Chances are, we’ll stay on land.
ZARA
Good.
Background noise fades away.
OUTRO (07:53):
Inn Between theme plays in the background.
TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between…
CASTOR
(tired)
How much farther to Belling?
TODE
Not long now, just a bit more forest to pass through.
ZARA
Maybe we’ll get through without any more nonsense.
Leaves rustling.
KNOWLES
What is that?
CREDITS (08:12):
HANNAH
This episode, “The Odds,” was written and directed by Hannah Wright with assistant director William Wright. The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Castor is Caleb Del Rio. The voice of Zara is Quin Leigh. The voice of Tode is Anthony Morales. The voice of Rosie is Lucille Valentine. The voice of Knowles is JV Hampton-VanSant.
Our theme song is by Eli Hamada McIlveen and our artwork is by Gabrielle Buxman. Our transcriber is Ria Couoh.
Transcripts for this and every episode can be found on our website, thegoblinshead.com.
Find and follow us on Twitter, @inn_between_. Or support us on Patreon, at patreon.com/thegoblinshead.
If you like the show, calculate your exact odds of being sucked into a fantasy adventure podcast. Or leave us a review.
Thanks for listening!
Music ends.
POST-CREDITS (09:13):
Background noise of tavern.
TESSA
Now, we don’t have a… a what did you call it? A machine for making “espresso.” But I do have this pot of coffee that I boiled down into a tiny cup. No need to thank me.
Background noise fades away.
EPISODE ENDS.