Crowdfunding for season four has begun! Go to bit.ly/fundinnbetween. Crowdfunding goes through July 31st, 2021.
Transcript is below the cut!
Transcript provided by Ria Couoh.
**************
INTRO (00:00):
HANNAH
Hi, everyone! Hannah here!
Thanks for listening to Inn Between! In mere moments, we will be presenting our season three blooper reel, just for you!
First, though, I wanted to take a moment to announce our crowdfunding campaign:
All through the month of July, ending on July 31st, we will be raising money to pay every single person involved in season 4!
We’ve got some great rewards if you can contribute, like an X-Files style novella about the Crew, a fantastic poster featuring the art of my friend Zack Brown, and even a chance to play D&D with me! There’s also a stretch goal that I’m honestly a little embarrassed to mention here, so if you want to find out that is, go to bit.ly/fundinnbetween.
That’s bit.ly/fundinnbetween.
To be clear, even if we don’t meet our goal, everyone will get paid, but your contributions will help exponentially. And if you can’t spare anything right now, then we appreciate you spreading the word! Every little bit helps.
Thanks for your patience with this announcement.
Be advised, this reel does contain swears and we talk extensively about a spider related food crime. I’ve put the time signatures for the food crime in the description.
Please take care of yourselves.
Now, unto the blooper reel. Here we go!
“Sleeping Bugbear” plays in the background, an upbeat piano track that continues throughout the episode.
Blooper 1 (01:09):
HANNAH
Caleb and Lucy, how are things coming? You’re both muted, I don’t know if that matters.
(A pause.)
JV
Oh God, what if they’ve been trying to contribute this whole time?
HANNAH
Oh no!
(Assorted laughter from THE CAST.)
CALEB
No, no, we are here.
HANNAH
Yay!
JV
Oh, fabulous! Okay! I would have felt very bad if y’all had been…
HANNAH
(indistinguishable)
LUCY
You’ve been missing all of my… extremely witty commentary.
JV
(agonized)
No…!
HANNAH
Do the whole… start the whole conversation from the top!
LUCY
Thank you. I appreciate that.
(HANNAH and JV laugh)
Blooper 2 (01:46):
LUCY
(as Rosie)
Someone named Fina told me to mention her name to you? And said you’d know who I…
(indistinguishable grumbling)
(as herself)
Oop! Sorry!
Blooper 3 (01:55):
ANTHONY
(as Tode)
I find my uses for material wealth, it’s harder to— Blah—
(clicks his tongue)
Blooper 3 (02:00):
JV
Whoops, sorry.
HANNAH
(overlapping)
It’s okay!
JV
I didn’t do that right.
HANNAH
You can—You can slow that line a little bit if you want to.
JV
I don’t know why it’s taking me— (indistinguishable)
HANNAH
(laughs)
JV
Oh, geez! Anyway…
HANNAH
Inn Between speedrun!
(laughs)
JV
Du-du-du-du-du!
Blooper 4 (02:14):
QUIN
feel like all of my notes are just going to be:
(punctuating each word)
“Be a bigger bitch!”
(CAST laughs)
Blooper 5 (02:20):
QUIN
(as Zara)
Better hope we don’t run on in a—Run in—
Blegh!
Blooper 6 (02:24):
ANTHONY
(laughs)
(as Tode)
I think it would be best if we speculated a little about what’s ahead. It might do to be prepared for a variety of situations.
JV
Uh huh.
HANNAH
I assume you’re laughing at my great, uh, stage direction there, but you…
(chuckles)
You can’t go into this line with a laugh.
(CAST laughs in the background.)
WILLIAM
Yeah.
ANTHONY
Sorry, sorry, that was me, yeah. Okay.
Blooper 7 (02:43):
QUIN
Thinking about this blood feud in the contest of—
(fumbles)
(sighs)
Of course.
Blooper 8 (02:48):
ANTHONY
(as Tode)
Velune and I have been acquainted ever since they sun-ba-lud—
(fumbles)
(clears throat)
(CAST laughs.)
ANTHONY
Try that again!
Blooper 9 (02:55):
CALEB
(as Castor)
One demon who could do this is bad enough, but it’s rarely just one human.
(beat)
Human?
HANNAH
(overlapping)
Nope!
(CAST laughs.)
CASTOR
Demon.
(mimicking Hannah’s tone)
Nope!
HANNAH
From, uh, the top of— (indistinguishable)
LUCY
Always the humans!
HANNAH
(dramatically)
Ah! These humans!
CASTOR
(quietly)
Fucking humans!
JV
Damn the humans!
QUIN
(in a scratchy voice)
Man!
ANTHONY
Sorry, humans!
(CAST continues laughing.)
Blooper 10 (03:15):
JV
(as Knowles)
We have plenty of time to think about that on the way. It’s still a few weeks out to Be—
(pause)
(as himself)
I don’t know why I almost said Beijing.
(laughs)
ANTHONY
(laughs)
JV
That’s not what that is at all!
HANNAH
Approximately the same shape of word, you know.
JV
That…
(beat)
Thank you for that. That. Yes.
(laughing)
That is true!
Blooper 11 (03:32):
WILLIAM
If you asked me, I ship the Old Coot and Robin!
HANNAH
Ew. Why?
WILLIAM
It just makes sense!
HANNAH
Nope!
Blooper 12 (03:42):
ANTHONY
Here’s 3.3!
HANNAH
The Rapport!
(beat)
This is easily the worst title of the season! I hate it!
Blooper 13 (03:50):
WARNING: DISCUSSION OF SPIDER CONSUMPTION.
JV
God, anyways—
HANNAH
Here’s a fun fact! Uh, in… I think it’s in… Is it Indonesia or Malaysia?
(beat)
One of those two. People do eat tarantulas kind of as a delicacy, but they’re fried, so the hair just kind of burns off.
JV
(high pitched squeak)
ANTHONY
Oh, you’ve made it worse!
LUCY
I’d be down to try that!
QUIN
(disgusted)
No…
JV
I would like to be clear…
LUCY
(overlapping)
I will try anything once.
JV
(continued)
The hair was not the problem!
HANNAH
(laughs)
(A pause.)
ANTHONY
I should like to try it sometime!
HANNAH
(chuckles)
LUCY
(enthusiastic)
Especially between two slices of bread! With some mayo!
HANNAH
(laughs)
ANTHONY
(overlapping)
Mhmm, spider sandwich!
JV
Girl… I am going to throw up, how dare you?
LUCY
Some pepper jack!
ANTHONY
(chuckles)
CALEB
(gags)
HANNAH
“Pepper jack tarantula” is maybe the worst sentence!
JV
I am offended on a…
CALEB
I am disgusted, I am revolted…!
(CAST laughs.)
Blooper 14 (04:41):
JV
(as Knowles)
Listen, this road is dangerous.
LUCY
(throaty, garbled hiss, as if by a monstrous lizard)
JV
(as Knowles)
If we don’t work together as a team…
LUCY
(louder hiss)
JV
(as Knowles)
We’re not going to survive—
(snorts)
(laughing)
(as themself)
I… I’m so sorry…
WILLIAM
Almost!
JV
(still laughing)
I tried to hold it, but I couldn’t!
Blooper 15 (05:00):
WILLIAM
Yeah, two! You said two.
HANNAH
Yeah. So, that will be with, uh, Quin and the wizards.
(beat)
Which is a good band name.
Blooper 16 (05:08):
HANNAH
What we’re channeling here is how everyone feels about Betty, which is that she is a massive orc woman… who could destroy us all… and she is full of love. And you… get to meet her, and that’s kind of a big deal.
So, yeah, I’d like that to come through a little more.
JV
Absolutely. I’m now trying to think of a human, real-world equivalent that would do that to me.
HANNAH
(laughs)
LUCY
Beyoncé.
(Scattered laughter.)
LUCY
(shrill and high-pitched)
Beyoncé? Beyoncé?
CALEB
Beyoncé?
JV
Well, that’s different. I would die.
(laughing)
That’s just it!
My heart would give out. That’s it!
QUIN
(overlapping)
We want to get excited, not vaporizing on the spot.
CALEB
(laughs)
HANNAH
Not quite Beyoncé!
(A pause.)
JV
Ooh! It’s Britney Spears! Got it. There we go.
HANNAH
There it is!
(CAST all laughs.)
JV
Perfect!
Blooper 17 (05:53):
Transcriber’s note: the word being discussed is “cuirass”, a piece of armor.
JV
(as Knowles)
With that nice letter “curious” you have…?
(as themself)
Oop, sorry! Aah! Aaaah!
HANNAH
It’s okay!
JV
(clears their throat)
WILLIAM
It’s “curr-ass”, right, Hannah?
HANNAH
It’s “cuh-rass”, I think.
JV
“Cuh-rass”? Uhm…
WILLIAM
I think I’ve heard “curr-ass”.
HANNAH
“Cuh-rass”. “Cuh-rass”. If you’ve ever heard “curr-ass”, then that’s… Yeah. I believe y’all.
CALEB
“Cure-ass”.
(Laughter.)
JV
“Cure-ass”…
(laughs)
No.
WILLIAM
Whichever one, uhm, sounds right to you and sounds natural to the place.
JV
Alright.
(as Knowles)
Oh, come now. The odds of anything hitting you, as fast as you are and with that nice leather…
(as themself)
Aw, shit.
(CAST laughs.)
GOOGLE
(a mechanical, deep voice)
(from a distance)
“Queer-ass”.
JV
Did you say “queer-ass”?
QUIN
(strained with laughter)
It says “queer-ass”!
JV
(through laughter)
That’s funny.
GOOGLE
(distantly)
“Queer-ass.”
(CAST laughs.)
LUCY
This is how Google says—This is how it’s pronounced—!
(dissolves into laughter)
GOOGLE
“Queer-ass.”
(A pause.)
JV
(as Knowles)
Oh, come now. The odds of anything hitting you, as fast as you are and with that nice leather…
(a beat)
It’s… going to keep happening.
WILLIAM
(indistinguishable) leather cuirass bit…
LUCY
(amused)
With that nice little leather “cuh—”… “queer-ass” of yours!
QUIN
(laughs)
JV
(through laughter)
It’s because I keep wanting to do that, and that’s… the problem now! Hah!
WILLIAM
You can cut off the word “little” if it’s… If it’s distracting you too much. Alright? Do you think that’ll help?
JV
“Little” is not the problem!
QUIN
Yeah, they’re not—
CALEB
(overlapping)
Yeah, I don’t think that’s it!
(cackles)
JV
Uhm…
Blooper 18 (07:13):
HANNAH
Uhh, what does “cartoonish outrage” sound like? I’m interested.
JV
For specifically that line it’s… “Sweet?
(high-pitched voice)
“It’s got hands! Like people do!”
(regular voice)
Which… Which reminded me specifically of…
(in a high pitched tone again)
“They popped out of the ground! Like daisies!”
(CAST laughs.)
Blooper 19 (07:35):
QUIN
(as Zara)
What is your problem with animals?
JV
(as Knowles)
What are you talking about “what’s my problem”?
(A DOG barks in the distance.)
(CAST laughs.)
Blooper 20 (07:45):
HANNAH
Uh, Knowles says “anyone have any peanuts?”
I’m going to change that line, because the logical leap to what they’re talking about… to peanuts… is a little too far.
And it turns out there’s nothing non-period appropriate about popcorn! Because they found remnants of popcorn in Mexican caves that’s… 3600 BC… years old. So…
LUCY
(quietly)
Gosh.
HANNAH
We’re just going to change that to popcorn because that makes more sense.
WILLIAM
Did you say “peanuts” because you were worried about… uh, era accuracy?
HANNAH
Yeah! I felt like “popcorn” kind of brought you too far out of the fiction, but then I decided, screw it! You know what else brings you out of the fiction? Lines that don’t make any sense! So!
(CAST laughs.)
Blooper 21 (08:24):
HANNAH
I can’t promise good acting, but I can promise enthusiasm!
(ANTHONY and JV laugh.)
CALEB
That’s all you need.
QUIN
I mean…
HANNAH
That’s all I have to give!
QUIN
(continued)
The line between the two is very, very thin!
Blooper 22 (08:38):
JV
(as Knowles)
Anyone got popcorn?
ANTHONY
(as Tode)
I have peanuts!
HANNAH
Nope!
(CAST laughs.)
ANTHONY
(high pitched and through laughter)
Oh, I did it, oh!
(laughs)
JV
The best…
QUIN
A swing and a miss!
ANTHONY
The one thing not to say and I said it!
(CAST laughs.)
ANTHONY
Okay…
Blooper 23 (08:57):
HANNAH
(as Tessa)
Yes, your life is so hard as a master wizard, I’m sure. Don’t you have somewhere else to be annoying?
(Rustling in the background.)
JV
(in a high pitched, cutesy voice)
Stop, stop! He’s already dead!
(CAST laughs.)
Blooper 24 (09:13):
HANNAH
Alright let’s go!
(snaps fingers twice)
Okay, a couple things about this episode: I love this episode—
(LUCY burps.)
HANNAH
Amazing!
QUIN
(laughs)
CALEB
You’re so lucky that I didn’t press… record.
QUIN
(laugh intensifies)
CALEB
I was literally just about to.
(CAST laughs.)
LUCY
Just, like, have that as the opening for an episode.
(laughs)
Just that.
JV
Oh… God.
HANNAH
That would go over well.
Previously on Inn Between…that.
(CAST laughs.)
Blooper 24 (09:41):
LUCY
Okay, I want to circle back around to what… William said: “Give Rosie A Goldfish 2020!”.
(CAST laughs.)
WILLIAM
(grandly)
My vote goes to getting Rosie a goldfish.
JV
Right, yes.
(claps)
HANNAH
Beautiful.
LUCY
(chanting)
Goldfish, gold—
(normally)
That will be, like, her little… her little treat she gets herself for surviving…whatever this is…
(CAST laughs.)
CALEB
Her snack? That smiles back?
(Assorted sounds an exclamations of distress.)
HANNAH
Oh no!
(Exclamations continue.)
WILLIAM
(laughs)
LUCY
Rosie gets a goldfish and a manticore fur cloak for herself, and a matching one for the goldfish!
JV
(strained)
Those are highly illegal!
CALEB
Time for Rosie to… (indistinguishable).
(CAST laughs.)
Blooper 25 (10:29):
HANNAH
(cheery)
Everyone else is in a relatively good mood!
QUIN
(laughs)
HANNAH
You’re alive! This is great!
(beat)
Uh, including Tode… who is remarkably chill about a broken leg!
ANTHONY
(lightly)
I’ve got another one, don’t worry!
HANNAH
It’s fine!
Blooper 26 (10:44):
HANNAH
Any other questions?
JV
(quietly)
(in a sing-song tone)
We did it! Du-du-du-du!
WILLIAM
I have one!
(beat)
HANNAH
Thank you—
WILLIAM
(jokingly)
Can you all sign my yearbook, guys?
(CAST laughs.)
JV
I would be thrilled.
QUIN
I was going to say… Not to get sappy or anything, but…
CALEB
(overlapping)
(in a nasal voice)
Have a great summer!
QUIN
(continued)
Thank you for this opportunity!
HANNAH
Of course, Quin!
WILLIAM
You’re welcome, Quin! Yeah! Heck yes!
HANNAH
Yeah.
LUCY
(in a nasal voice)
Shame we didn’t get to hang out more!
HANNAH
Yeah.
CALEB
Oh my god.
JV
(quietly)
Genuinely with you. I had fun…
HANNAH
So—
LUCY
Oh, yeah, no, this was lovely!
(A pause.)
HANNAH
I am… the least worried I’ve ever been, honestly, about a season of the show.
This is going to turn out so good.
OUTRO (11:15):
CREDITS (11:19):
HANNAH
This blooper reel was edited and beautified by actual audio wizard Katherine Ayers, and featured the voices of Caleb Del Rio, Quin Leigh, Anthony Morales, Lucille Valentine, JV Hampton-VanSant, William Wright and me, Hannah Wright.
Our music was “The Sleeping Bugbear” by Dee Yan-Key, off the album Dream Time. Our transcriber is Ria Couoh.
Transcripts for this and every episode can be found on our website, thegoblinshead.com.
Don’t forget to go to bit.ly/fundinnbetween to make season four happen! Follow us for more updates on Twitter, @inn_between_.
See you soon!
POST-CREDITS (11:53):
HANNAH
First, though, I wanted to take a moment to—Oh my gosh, who is thumping? Who are you people?
Background music fades away.
EPISODE ENDS.