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Month: December 2021

December Story Time: Customer Service Voice

December Story Time! This month we bring you a tale of terrible customers. Treat your service industry professionals with respect, folks!

 

ZARA
(uncharacteristically bright; a service industry voice)
Hi! What can I get for you today?

 

CUSTOMER
Wow, um…sorry, you’re my waiter?

 

ZARA
(customer service with a knife edge)
Yeeesss?

 

CUSTOMER
Wow, didn’t. Didn’t expect…

 

ZARA
Expect what?

 

CUSTOMER
Well, someone like you.

 

Zara takes a breath to steel her dwindling patience.

 

CUSTOMER
Anyway, yeah, can I get a meat pie and ummm…what’s good here to drink?

 

ZARA
The dark ale is good.

 

CUSTOMER
Ew.

 

ZARA
(disgusted)
There’s also a summer cider.

 

CUSTOMER
Why didn’t you say that to begin with?

 

ZARA
Maybe because I can’t read your mind.

 

CUSTOMER
What was that?

 

ZARA
Nothing.

 

CUSTOMER
Look, you are being really rude. I don’t know if this is some kind of diversity hire—

 

ZARA
Excuse me?

 

CUSTOMER
—but frankly I think tieflings shouldn’t be the forward face of service industries.

 

ZARA
Oh really.

 

CUSTOMER
Look, I’m not a bigot, okay! People will just think a certain thing about the place if a tiefling’s serving them.

 

ZARA
And what exactly will they think.

 

CUSTOMER
Well…you know…

 

ZARA
Yessss?

 

CUSTOMER
I mean…if there’s a demon on staff then what other evil magics are going on in the place?

 

ZARA
Evil magics?

 

CUSTOMER
Woah, hey now, don’t get defensive. I’m just saying.

 

ZARA
You’re ‘just saying’ an awful lot—

 

CUSTOMER
See, demons are just evil. They can’t help it.

 

ZARA
You think I’m evil!

 

CUSTOMER
It’s not your fault if you are.

 

ZARA
Gods, you’re stupid.

 

CUSTOMER
Excuse me! I’d like to speak to your manager.

 

ZARA
(voice echoing, becoming louder)
I bet you would.

 

Fire noises…

 

ZARA
(later)
I’m not going to apologize.

 

MANAGER
I mean I wouldn’t either. That guy sucked.

 

ZARA
Then I’m not fired?

 

MANAGER
Oh you’re very fired.

 

ZARA
Fine, I didn’t want to work here anyway.

 

MANAGER
Then why did you apply?

 

ZARA
Shut up!