Henry is not an adventurer. Not yet, anyway.
Transcript is below the cut!
Transcript provided by Ria Couoh.
**************
INTRO:
The Inn at the Edge of Greenwood theme plays in the background.
HANNAH
Uh… Tell me about the potion Henry was given.
ANDREW
So, the potion Henry was given was given to him by a… traveler to the Inn, uhm, who was a very interesting person, ah, with stars that were tattooed across their arms that actually moved and were translucent and created this, like, galaxy pattern across.
Music fades.
Soft crackling of a fireplace in the background.
ANDREW
They had arrived via a potion they had concocted and whipped up another one for themselves to get home. And after having a conversation with Henry about his dreams, uh, of travel one day, gave him an extra, uhm, so that at such time he decides to go on an adventure, he has the means.
HANNAH
Then why does he choose now to use the potion?
ANDREW
Henry had one other encounter after that, uhm, with a—a fellow innkeeper by the name of Quincy who had come across, uh, his Inn. And Quincy and he talked quite a bit about… just… the beauty about having a space like an inn, but also the need to go out and see other things.
And, uhm, Quincy gave Henry a wax coin that if he flipped it, he would end up at Quincy’s tavern. Uhm, so he knows he has at least a way to get back to a friendly face, and I think that the itch just finally gets to Henry.
And, you know, you have a…
(chuckles)
You have something sitting on the shelf that you look at every day and eventually you’ve got to… You’ve got to pop the cork and try it!
That’s where he finds himself.
HANNAH
And that’s exactly what you do.
So, this is the day that you’ve decided to drink the potion, what do you take with you?
ANDREW
Goodness.
HANNAH
(laughs)
ANDREW
Uhm…
(through laughter)
Henry would overprepare, for sure!
He’s got a… kind of a rucksack or, or a knapsack of sorts that is just bulging, uhm, with various supplies.
Rustling of several fabrics.
ANDREW
He’s trying to be practical. He’s trying to bring, uhm, you know, dried goods with him, things that won’t spoil, but he’s —uh, as far as food goes. But he’s also got, you know, ropes and climbing equipment. Uhm… He’s got a dagger stuck in his belt. Uhm… Although… not much of one to use a weapon.
HANNAH
(chuckles)
ANDREW
He’s got some other tools like a… You know, he’s got flint and steel, he’s got himself an axe.
Metallic swish.
ANDREW
Bedroll.
(amused)
Uhm, a lot of the standard stuff, but then he’s also got with him a lot of cooking supplies?
HANNAH
(chuckles)
Soft click-clacking of wooden materials and bowls.
ANDREW
And brought a lot of, uh, things for collecting samples or, uhm, you know, spices or whatever that he might find out and about, and, uh, so it’s… It’s very Samwise Gamgee in the… way everything is clattering and clanking as he goes.
Clatter of ceramic pieces.
ANDREW
He does strap his, uh, knee brace on.
Rustling of thick fabric.
ANDREW
Uhm, and tighten that down before doing anything else. And puts on a… Puts on a thick pair of gloves.
Rustling of fabric.
ANDREW
And a hat that comes down over his ears, just in case he ends up somewhere cold.
More rustling, soft pats of the fabric, as if smoothing it down.
ANDREW
Gives a wink to Mr. Boots, the cat.
Cat meows.
ANDREW
And then…
Pops the cork.
Cork pops.
HANNAH
Okay. What does it taste like, this potion? I’m going to be straight with you, I’m imagining that Starlight Coke stuff.
(chuckles)
ANDREW
Yeah, yeah. I… I think it’s…
(thoughtfully)
I think it’s almost tasteless at first. That surprises him. He expected something bitter, and something… repugnant, almost, uh, having never drank a magical potion before.
But I think that after it goes down —I mean, he almost does that thing where he like, holds his breath as he drinks it, right? So, you don’t get the flavor on your tongue?
HANNAH
Mhm.
ANDREW
But as, as he kind of… settles in, uhm, and gets the taste there’s, uhm, a citrus to it.
HANNAH
Ooh.
ANDREW
Almost… almost like a lemon zest.
HANNAH
You blink when you taste that. You’re like, “Oh!”
And, when you open your eyes again, you’re no longer inside the Inn at the edge of Greenwood.
HENRY
Oh! Oh goodness!
HANNAH
You are… elsewhere.
Fire fades away.
HENRY
(harsh huff)
HANNAH
So, you find yourself on a road that is carved into the side of a cliff.
Loud, strong winds.
HANNAH
It is… rather cold, so you’re very grateful for the hat. Uhm, you actually do find yourself prepared for the weather, which is blowing snow and bitter cold. It doesn’t look like it’s storming, uhm, but it’s also hard to say. You don’t necessarily know what a blizzard looks like coming through here, so…
It is… dusk or possibly dawn. You’re not entirely sure, but either the light is failing or just starting. The sky is gray.
Uhm… And, uh, luckily, just around the corner you see some twinkling lights in amongst the snow.
ANDREW
Is the… the path that I’m on a fairly thin and treacherous one? You said it’s on the side of a mountain, is there a sheer drop off or anything?
HANNAH
(laughs)
There is. There is a sheer drop off to your left.
ANDREW
Okay, he immediately, like, plasters himself…
Heavy footsteps crunching in the snow.
ANDREW
(continued)
…as best as he can with the massive backpack behind him.
HANNAH
(giggles)
ANDREW
He—he actually goes back first to the wall, and realizes that the backpack is keeping him, and he flips around…
A few more footsteps in the snow.
ANDREW
(continued)
… and pins himself like… chest first to the wall.
HANNAH
(chuckles)
ANDREW
And his legs begin shaking.
HANNAH
(sigh)
It doesn’t take long to you to realize that probably you could walk along this path relatively safely? It’s, uh, it’s about six feet wide.
HENRY
(relieved)
Okay…
HANNAH
So, it would be tricky to pass someone, but at the moment you are okay.
HENRY
(rushed, panicked)
I… Okay, uh… That was unexpected.
Footsteps start up again, this time continuously.
HENRY
I’m glad I didn’t find myself six feet that direction. Okay… Or really six feet the other direction either. Uhm… Oof, alright. We’re just going to… we’re just going to scoot…
ANDREW
And he just scoots along the path, like…
(through laughter)
Holding to the wall. He’s taking no chances.
HANNAH
Uh, it takes a long time but eventually the, uh, the path along the side of the cliff widens into, uh, something like a…
Have you ever been to Mesa Verde?
ANDREW
I have not!
HANNAH
Okay, so what you see is…
These twinkling lights are coming from the rock itself. The place is carved into this rock. There are alcoves. Uhm… Some of them contain buildings that you would find recognizable but some of them are buildings in and of themselves. Uhm, and, you know, they—they have a…
Twinkling, as if by big crystals or metallic chimes.
HANNAH
Open windows that are occasionally paned but usually just covered with things like cloth. It looks like this place has battened down the hatches for a winter’s night.
One thing does look pretty out of place though.
And it is that, on the edge of the cliff, uhm, at one side of an open area that looks like it might be a courtyard…
Metal hinges creak slowly, as if carrying an object that swings back and forth under the wind.
HANNAH
(continued)
There is a very, very old building. Uhm, the sign above the door creaks in the wind and it says… “The Goblin’s Head”.
HENRY
(relieved, sing-song)
Oh, that looks like a tavern if I’ve ever seen one, I’m going there…
HANNAH
(laughs)
ANDREW
And he just like, like, continues to scoot until he gets to the point where he feels safe enough and then like…“Aaah!” His feet carry him as fast as he can that direction.
Heavy metallic sound as door thuds open.
Footsteps stop.
HANNAH
And there you go! With a gust of cold —of warm air, you enter this building.
Background sounds of distant conversation inside a tavern.
HANNAH
Now, you know inns. You know inns pretty well.
ANDREW
Pretty well.
HANNAH
And, so, just looking at this… Uhm, you’re very polite and, of course, thoughtful, so you close the door behind you.
Door thuds closed.
HANNAH
Uh… Your grandfather built your inn.
ANDREW
Mhm.
HANNAH
But looking around this building you get the impression that it was old when your grandfather was a boy.
ANDREW
Mm.
HANNAH
It is… has got timbers that are blackened into stone hardness and, along one wall is, uh, a wall that is… riddled with holes as if it’s been eaten away by woodpeckers on which are hung, uh, notices! Things like, uh… “wagon guard wanted” or, uh, “lost—,” uh, “lost werewolf, please advise”, or, uh, “adventurers wanted for dragon slaying quest.”
ANDREW
He rubs his hands together, kind of reading this from afar. He’s like…
HENRY
(breathy)
Oh, all the classics.
(sigh)
HANNAH
(chuckles)
The folks in here are, uh… Probably they would stand out in your village as being sort of suspicious characters. They all look proof against the weather or are in various states of having peeled off layers, enjoying themselves, uh, but they look like… dangerous people.
You get the sense here that…
(amused)
This… This is not the village that you’ve come from. This isn’t even maybe the surrounding lands.
ANDREW
Yeah.
HANNAH
On the back wall is a bar. There’s a door that you would imagine leads to a kitchen area. Behind the bar is —somewhat alarmingly, because you have friends that are goblins— the taxidermized head of a goblin.
There is a woman behind the bar. She’s human. She’s… eh, somewhere between mother and grandmother age. You feel like that, you know, she’d get along with your mom. She is pretty short for a human. Uh, rather plump. Uhm, has a… has an apron that looks like it has seen better days.
She is picking up glasses and putting them in a bucket when you arrive.
Clinking of glasses.
ANDREW
I look at that taxidermized goblin’s head in the wall and just kind of mutter to myself…
HENRY
Oof… Good thing Dragga is not here…
HANNAH
(chuckles)
ANDREW
I’ll kind of look left and right. Is there, uhm, is there a place like, like, like… We have a coat hanger at my inn, is there a place for my coat and my bag or have people kind of kept their possessions with them?
HANNAH
You do see a series of pegs along the wall.
ANDREW
Okay.
HANNAH
But it looks like it’s mostly outer coats that have been there. Uhm…
ANDREW
Sure.
HANNAH
Backpacks seem to be sticking with people.
ANDREW
Okay.
So, I will be very noisily just…
(strained noise)
Pull off the massive sack.
HANNAH
(chuckles)
ANDREW
It thuds to the ground!
Thud.
ANDREW
Uh…. Pull off my coat, my hat, my gloves.
Rustle.
ANDREW
Hang those up and then hoist—
Rustle.
ANDREW
(continued)
The backpack back up on top of my shoulder.
(laughing)
It’s very heavy on his slight frame. Uh, and then carry that over to…
Soft footsteps.
ANDREW
I think I’m going to go to the bar. I think I’m going to find a spot, uhm, preferably at one end or the other, uhm, where I can kind of like slam the backpack down at the end of the bar, kind of on the floor.
HANNAH
Okay. There is a space at the end near the kitchen door, uh, which…
ANDREW
Perfect.
HANNAH
I would say is probably not ideal because you get the impression that your backpack might get in the way there, but no one seems to be using that door at the moment. And there’s another door behind the bar, so.
ANDREW
I’ll try to squish it against the bar as much as I can to keep it out of the way.
Rustle.
HANNAH
You… You draw some looks, but not as many as you might expect.
Wooden chair drags along the floor and creaks quietly as Henry sits.
ANDREW
I try also to kind of—
(sniffs)
Wipe my nose a little bit and put on my best tough face.
HANNAH
(chuckles)
ANDREW
Just kind of looking at… looking at the clientele that’s in here. Uh, but… make way too much eye contact.
HANNAH
(wheezes)
ANDREW
And too… way too many, like, nods at people, to prove that I’m tough. It’s… It ends up going… the pendulum swings too far in the other direction. For sure, for sure.
HANNAH
Ah, people start averting their eyes and…
(laughing)
Maybe wondering if they should stay away from this guy.
ANDREW
Yeah, that’s right. That’s right.
HANNAH
Yeah.
ANDREW
(pleased)
I’m not to be messed with!
HANNAH
You don’t have a nearest neighbor at the bar, uhm, so it takes a minute for the innkeeper to circle around to you.
ANDREW
Yep.
HANNAH
She waltzes up to you with her—her—her bucket full of spent mugs and says…
TESSA
Welcome to the Goblin’s Head, young man. What can I get you?
HENRY
Oh! Uhm, I would absolutely love a whiskey if you have one, uhm, and also…
(nervously)
Where is this?
TESSA
This… T—this is the Goblin’s Head, I just said that.
HENRY
I… Of course, yes. Don’t— I don’t mean to make you repeat yourself. Uhm…
(laughs nervously)
E—everything outside… like… I’m not… Mm. What—what’s the kingdom or the land? This isn’t Alçon by any chance, is it?
TESSA
Oh, we’re far… I—I’ve never heard of Alçon, I don’t know what that is.
HENRY
(to himself)
Okay, that’s what this feels like, to be on this side of the bar.
(to Tessa)
Uhm, yes. A whiskey would be wonderful. Thank you, ma’am.
TESSA
(uncertain)
Certainly. One moment.
HANNAH
Uh… Oh! She, uh… circles around, she goes through the door, back to the kitchen, uh, and then circles back with a couple of bottles and says…
TESSA
You didn’t clarify what kind, so I just brought a couple.
Soft clinks.
HENRY
Oh! Uh, what’s the… what’s the difference?
TESSA
Well, if you’re feeling brave you could try the ogre whiskey, which, uh, I don’t know if I would recommend for…
(pointedly)
A beginner.
But if you don’t consider yourself a beginner, then you can always try it. Failing that, we have this lovely summer whiskey from, uh, down south in the kingdom. And, uh, there’s this one as well. I think it’s elvish in origin? Although I can’t say it’s a favorite, I’ve had it for awfully long, and no one seems to want to finish it.
HENRY
Oh, uhm, all of those sound wonderful. Uhm… Could I try the elvish? And also, you said the kingdom… Uhm… what kingdom would that be? I’ve gotten a little turned around.
HANNAH
(laughing)
Do you want to know something hilarious, Andrew?
ANDREW
(overlapping)
Have you never named the kingdom?
HANNAH
(continued)
I don’t have a name for it!
(laughing)
I haven’t!
ANDREW
(chuckles)
(slow claps)
HANNAH
Kind of on purpose? It just never came up! I’m terrible at naming things!
ANDREW
I refused to name the innkeeper for the longest time!
HANNAH
(laughs)
ANDREW
I didn’t know he was Henry until we crossed over with our other show.
HANNAH
Oh, there you go!
ANDREW
So, yeah.
HANNAH
Which, I was like determined to watch if you didn’t reveal the name in season two, by the way. I’m like, not a YouTube person much anymore, but I was going to do it!
ANDREW
Alright, yeah.
HANNAH
Let me see. Uh…
She pours you a glass of the elvish whiskey which unfortunately does smell pretty foul.
Liquid being poured into glass.
HANNAH
Uhm, and she says…
Glass sliding through the wooden surface of a table.
TESSA
Well, there’s only the one.
HENRY
Of course.
TESSA
It’s the human one if that helps.
HENRY
(bewildered)
The human kingdom. I—I know it well, yes.
TESSA
Yeah, well, they’ve got a human king.
HENRY
(even more confused)
As… a human kingdom should.
TESSA
Well, I suppose she’s not a king exactly. They did have a human king. These days it’s a… sort of a princess and a… a guardian situation.
HENRY
Oh! Well, I’m sure she’s doing wonderfully.
TESSA
I wouldn’t know, I haven’t been back in a while.
HENRY
Uhm… Thank you.
ANDREW
And he takes the drink and sips it.
Soft clink of glass. Slurp.
ANDREW
All right, how bad is the whiskey?
HANNAH
It’s uhm… It’s bad.
ANDREW
(laughs)
HANNAH
It’s pretty bad!
(laughs)
ANDREW
Okay.
HANNAH
It’s like…
ANDREW
I know we said no dice…
HANNAH
Uh… It—it seems like it’s not…
ANDREW
I know we said no dice…
HANNAH
Yeah, go for it!
(dissolves into laughter)
ANDREW
(continued)
But I’m—I’m just going to roll a D20 because… Henry—Henry can hold his whiskey. That is something about him.
HANNAH
Okay.
ANDREW
And yet, he’s pretty unnerved, so we’re going to see where we land.
Dice rolls.
ANDREW
Oh, no! He spits it right out!
Henry does a spit take.
HANNAH
(cackles)
ANDREW
He tries, he tries. And he doesn’t, like, spit take it but…
(short swallowing noise)
Kind of dribbles out the mouth a little bit. He…
(pained gasp)
Wipes it up.
HANNAH
(snorts)
HENRY
(strained, trying to hold back his disgust and keep his polite tone)
That’s, uhm… That’s quite a unique bouquet…
TESSA
So, I believe that they sold it to me on false pretenses. I think they said something about how it was artisan or something, but…
HENRY
(hums)
TESSA
I think they were just selling me, you know… trash.
HENRY
I… Well, no offense, ma’am, but…
TESSA
(amused)
Would you like to try something else?
HENRY
(fervently)
Yes, please.
(reigning himself back)
Ab… absolutely.
HANNAH
(chuckles)
HENRY
Uhm… I’ll have that summer one, if you don’t mind.
HANNAH
She pours you that one and it is, uh…
Liquid is poured into glass.
HANNAH
Already smelling better.
Glass sliding through the wooden surface of a table.
HENRY
(relieved sigh)
HANNAH
She takes your… your glass away.
Soft glass clink.
ANDREW
I love it. I… I’d like to think it almost has a little bit of like a, like, like, uh… Jack honey is my personal favorite and, uh, I just… Like a little bit of a honey flavor… honey scent and flavor to it, uh, and that washes the taste right out.
HANNAH
It’s that and there’s something like… sunshine-y about it.
ANDREW
(interested hum)
HANNAH
You would bet that this was probably brewed somewhat with magic?
ANDREW
Yeah.
HANNAH
If not completely, but it—it’s very good.
ANDREW
Love that! Delicious!
TESSA
Where did you come from, if you didn’t come from here?
HENRY
Oh! Uhm, I come from…
(mumbles)
This is actually very exciting, uh, if a little nerve-wracking.
(nervous but upbeat)
I come from a kingdom called Alçon. We have a halfling king there! Uh, King Ustomin. But I… I actually run a—an inn! I run a tavern there! Uhm, near a… near a large green pine forest! Uhm, and, well, I just, I… It’s—it’s a pleasure to be at your establishment and see how things are done here in the, uh…
(snaps his fingers)
The Human Kingdom.
TESSA
(entertained)
We’re not in the human kingdom. We’re pretty far north of it.
HENRY
Right! The—the north of the hu…
(fumbling, increasingly distressed as he goes)
I’m so sorry, I don’t know where I am! I’m… I drank a potion, and then I blinked, and all of the sudden I was on the side of a mountain, and it was blowing, and it was summertime where I came from, and that’s very disorienting!
And… I walked ’til I saw lights and I came here and I’m very disoriented. And, usually, I’m the one…
(two soft gasps for breath)
Calming people down but… Oh goodness!
(nervous laughter)
HANNAH
She, uh, she takes all this in pretty nonplussed, and tops off your whiskey.
Liquid is poured.
HANNAH
And says…
TESSA
Usually this happens to us, not the other way around. Interesting.
HENRY
(despairing)
That… that seems to be the theme of what’s happening today, yes.
ANDREW
Drinks the whiskey.
HANNAH
(laughs)
TESSA
Well, you know, I got a feeling about you. When you said you were an innkeeper, it just confirmed my suspicions.
HENRY
Oh! Uhm… What suspicions were those?
TESSA
You don’t have any weapons, boy.
HENRY
Oh! Good!
ANDREW
He pulls his kind of… under coat back.
Rustling.
ANDREW
And then he’s got his little dagger stuck in his belt. He’s like…
HANNAH
(with delighted amusement)
I have to know, how large is this dagger?
ANDREW
Uhm, it is… I’m going to say it’s probably standard size? But it’s a little bit too ornate. Like, it’s very obviously a tourist souvenir.
HANNAH
Ah.
ANDREW
(continued)
That he picked up somewhere, that’s got like… And it’s, like, not well-made.
HANNAH
She’s like, uhm…
TESSA
You mean to say that’s not decorative?
HENRY
Uh…
(nervous chuckles)
No, no!
ANDREW
And he pulls it out.
Metallic cling as dagger is unsheathed.
ANDREW
And immediately regrets it, as he looks around at all the rough and tumble people with him now holding a…
HANNAH
(laughs)
ANDREW
(through laughter)
Unsheathed knife! In this place!
HANNAH
Yeah, the, uh, the people who were avoiding your gaze before now are now paying you plenty of attention.
ANDREW
I’ll just—I’ll just—I’ll just put it back… Put it back.
Slow drag of metal as it’s sheathed.
ANDREW
Very gently.
HANNAH
She waves a hand at the rest of the patrons and says…
TESSA
Don’t you worry, I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t afraid of you. I don’t know if that’s insulting or not but…
HENRY
(defeated)
I… At this point, I’m… I’m okay with it. I… I’m not a very threatening person.
HANNAH
(chuckles)
TESSA
Listen, why don’t you, uh, take a minute to collect yourself? I have some, uh, drinks to gather, but, uh…
HENRY
(softly)
Of course, ma’am.
TESSA
Please feel free to look about.
HENRY
Your work is never done, I know it well. Please don’t let me stop you.
TESSA
It never is. It’s just me in here anyway.
HENRY
Oh.
(loudly)
Is there anything I can do? Feel free to put my skills to use.
TESSA
(chuckles)
I appreciate it but… you’re on an adventure, and I feel that’s, uh… rude.
HENRY
Probably what I should have said to… Yeah, okay.
HANNAH
(laughs under her breath)
ANDREW
He’ll just sit and… kind of take things in. Uhm… Yeah, I’m just kind of curious to look around this place and see what’s the same, what’s different, uhm, you know?
He’s been obviously in his own inn, but also lots of inns around the kingdom as he’s done, uhm, you know, little bits of traveling to get supplies and what-not.
HANNAH
Right.
ANDREW
And he’s curious what another… what another world’s, uh, rest stop looks like.
HANNAH
You know, it’s weird because this place does have a tenor of danger that you are, uh… you—you’re picking up on pretty well, but the… There’s something about it that’s also… cozy, homey. It doesn’t feel that different from your inn in that way.
It feels like… comforting to you.
ANDREW
Yeah.
HANNAH
And—and you don’t know why because… there’s… there’s almost no end to the differences.
Yours is—is wide open and airy, uh, plenty of space. There’s space for basically anything to happen if you cleared out some chairs.
ANDREW
Yeah.
HANNAH
This place, uh, it looks like most of the furniture hasn’t been moved in a decade or so.
ANDREW
Mm.
HANNAH
There’s a… a marked hole in one wall, where it looks like someone maybe punched through. Uh, it… There’s, you know, scratches on the bar that are, you know, deep and have collected dust and grime to the point where they’re black and, you know, no amount of scrubbing would clean them out properly.
And, you know, you can smell all around you not just the… the alcohol, uhm, but the smells of—of leather and metal oil. Uhm, the smells of, uh, magic which you… may not have noticed before but it—it—there’s—it permeates this place in a way that almost adds this campfire aroma to the air.
The people here are… if they are together, they are talking quietly. They’re not celebrating necessarily, they are… hunkered down. You know, they are finding respite here, just like you.
ANDREW
Is the… Are the—are the make-up of the folks similar to what I’m familiar with? Halflings, humans, tieflings? Uhm… Are there species or races that, uh, are—are new to Henry?
HANNAH
There are… many fewer people in here.
ANDREW
Okay.
HANNAH
(continued)
Than would fit in your inn.
ANDREW
Sure.
HANNAH
So, you’re not entirely sure if what you’re seeing here is a—is a population cross-section or not.
ANDREW
Sure, yeah.
HANNAH
You do see quite a few dwarves!
ANDREW
Okay! That’s very prominent.
HANNAH
You get the impression… Yeah. There, there’s a… yeah.
Along with quite a few dwarves, there are a couple elves that you recognize as drow –uhm, as dark elves. Uh, as well as, you know, a—a standard mix of half-elf, human, halfling.
You don’t see anyone who looks terribly unusual?
Uh, you do see someone who like, you know, they look over their shoulder at you at one point and you see that their eyes glint silver. Something about you tells you that that’s… probably not a human person!
ANDREW
Mhm.
HANNAH
Uh, but you couldn’t place necessarily what they were.
ANDREW
He’s super interested in the dwarves, because… I—Henry may have met one dwarf in his entire life. They’re just almost completely extinct in Alçon.
HANNAH
Ah.
ANDREW
He tries not to…tries not to stare and be rude, but he’s fascinated by a people and a culture that, uh, the bones of his country was built upon but he’s never had the chance to experience himself.
HANNAH
I see.
ANDREW
Uh—
HANNAH
Here there are plenty.
(laughs)
ANDREW
Yeah, yeah. Uh—
HANNAH
They’re, uh… they’re pretty much all bearded. They are all, uh, you know.
ANDREW
Mhm.
HANNAH
These people are kitted out in a— with— for adventure but you don’t necessarily know if that’s… standard for dwarves or… just what these folks are up to because that’s what everyone looks like at the moment. Uhm, and, you know…
ANDREW
Sure.
HANNAH
You do see like—you don’t necessarily get a great idea of what the… gender make up is? But you do see that the dwarves tend to be in parties, either with other dwarves or with, you know, o—other folk. You don’t see any lone dwarves.
ANDREW
Social, yeah.
Uhm, all around the Inn at the Edge of Greenwood, you can find little talismans and tokens of past visitors and past conversations. You know, whether that’s a… a coin from another realm that’s stuck on a shelf or a drawing that someone made on the fireplace.
Do I see art? Do I see knickknacks and collectibles around? You mentioned the—the head and the, uh, the wall of notices but—but what else decorates the… space here?
HANNAH
It looks like, probably over the years, a bunch of stuff.
ANDREW
Mm.
HANNAH
At the moment, some of the, uh… There—there are pictures drawn on the plaster, uhm, but they are old and faded. Uh… yeah. They look like they were probably landscapes at one point, some quite crudely drawn, almost in the style of a child, uhm, but those… even those have faded and those seem to be the newest ones.
As for behind the bar, it is lined with colorful bottles that seem to serve as decoration. Uh, except for the space in the wall where the goblin’s head hangs.
You also, like… You—you get the impression that, you know, this place is functional. It is… there to serve a purpose. Uhm…
(sighs)
I know we said no dice rolls, but I’m very tempted.
ANDREW
That’s okay, go for it.
HANNAH
Do you have like a character sheet for Henry?
ANDREW
I have a… rough idea of what his stats would be.
HANNAH
Okay. Uhm…
I guess I’m looking for… I—I—Okay, we can maybe talk this out. We maybe don’t need to roll dice for this, but…
How good is he at sensing magic? After all that he’s been learning and after everything and everyone that he’s met.
ANDREW
Yeah, I think that’s such a great question and, like, those little bits of—of kind of sensing the magic around him also prompt him in this moment, and he goes…
HENRY
(whispered)
Oh, gods! Gods! I didn’t even check yet!
ANDREW
And he kind of like hunches over himself and attempts to cast Prestidigitation, uhm, just on a little bit of clothing, to see whether or not his magic’s even working here?
HANNAH
It works great! What does the Prestidigitation look like?
HENRY
(sigh)
ANDREW
Oh, so, just a—just a chunk of his clothing that had kind of gotten dirty being scraped up against the, uh…
(laughs)
HANNAH
(laughs)
ANDREW
The rock walls as he—as he shimmied his way here. Uhm, there’s a couple of little rips it cleans up and—and, you know, mends itself a little bit there.
And he just breathes a deep sigh of relief and his shoulders kind of relax a little bit knowing that he’s got his abilities about him.
HANNAH
Okay.
ANDREW
Uhm, but yeah. Then looking around, I mean, he doesn’t have a lot of experience with, uh, lots of different types of magic. Everything has been very isolated and very, you know, learning from scrolls and talking to specific individuals.
So, I don’t know how much he would pick up here. Not a ton.
HANNAH
Hm…
He may not have a lot of experience with magic, but the thing that he does know is an inn.
ANDREW
Mhm.
HANNAH
And you get the oddest sense. Like… It—it’s almost an intrusive thought, you know? A passing fancy.
You get the idea that the inn is alive.
A pause.
HENRY
(softly)
Just very carefully… pat the bar…
Soft, dull pats.
HANNAH
(laughs)
HENRY
Hello, uhm…
HANNAH
Uh…
HENRY
Uh… do you… do you talk at all?
HANNAH
And you hear… a sound that sounds different than this building being buffeted by the wind. You hear the rafters creaking.
The wood creaks slowly.
HENRY
(awed)
Wow, that’s something.
(laughs quietly)
That is an adventure.
ANDREW
And he, like… Any sense of danger, like, he’s been trying to hold himself kind of on edge, right? Like he wants to be safe. He knows this is… This…
He’s gone, man.
HANNAH
(laughs)
ANDREW
This is… This is the coolest… coolest thing he’s ever seen in his entire life! He’s just like… looking about, this bright smile, and just like…
HENRY
(still quiet, but full of excitement and admiration)
My name’s Henry! Uh, I’m—I’m an innkeeper! I run an inn in a different… plane of existence! I—I’m so pleased to meet you! What…?
(beat)
My goodness! What a remarkable thing you are!
HANNAH
The Inn creaks again.
A slightly longer creak.
HENRY
(impressed, wondrous laughter)
I—I don’t know if you can spell out your name or anything, but I’ll have to ask your inn keep! Wow, the stories you must have seen come through here! Must be incredible!
HANNAH
Uh, the, uh… The innkeeper comes back. Uh, she’s been serving drinks and, the last time that you say that, after you say the word “incredible” and the rafters creak once more, she, like, you see her looking up.
And she comes back to you.
HENRY
It’s… It’s alive!
TESSA
You’ve been talking to it?
HENRY
A… a little bit!
(laughs)
It just… It just creaks back at me but this… this is…
This is the most remarkable thing I think I’ve seen in my entire life!
HANNAH
(laughs)
It creaks very markedly at that point.
Inn creaks.
HANNAH
Uh, and she’s like…
TESSA
Oh, it liked that.
HENRY
(glad laughter)
Has it… has it always been this way?
TESSA
As long as I can remember.
HENRY
Goodness!
How long have… have you been working here?
TESSA
Oh, decades. I’ve been here since I was old enough to be on my own, and it’s always been like this as far as I can remember.
HENRY
I’m incredibly… apologetic, I never introduced myself! My—my name is Henry!
TESSA
Tessa. Nice to meet you, young man.
HENRY
Tessa… Wonderful to meet you, ma’am! So, you work at a…
(fumbles)
At—at an inn that’s alive! That is…! They…! We always talk about our places being alive! This actually is!
TESSA
(warmly)
You know, I have a friend who can understand what the inn says, and he told me that the inn… loved the people who lived in it so much that it decided to follow them.
HENRY
(starstruck)
So, does it move?
TESSA
It does!
HENRY
Can it… get up on legs and walk?
TESSA
No… Nothing’s so fanciful! I… I think that that would… Well, that would put my kitchen in absolute disarray! No, no… It, uh…
HENRY
Yeah.
TESSA
It, it… I suppose teleports is the right word?
HENRY
Hm!
TESSA
I don’t know, I’ve never really seen it happen, it just…
I’m at the window washing dishes and I turn away to put something away and then I turn back…
HENRY
And you blink.
TESSA
Exactly!
HENRY
Yeah… yeah. Huh!
ANDREW
He pulls out this paper, uhm…
Rustle of paper.
ANDREW
(continued)
That he was given a long time ago, and it has all of these sketches on it of the different planes of existence and the way that they kind of folded over top of each other and… and laid out, and he just kind of starts like doodling…
Soft scratches of pen against paper.
ANDREW
And, like, adding another spot to the list.
HANNAH
(laughs quietly)
ANDREW
Uhm, and he kind of makes a little note, he’s like… “The Goblin’s Head” and everything. Just… just wrapped up in the idea of—of an inn that jumps planes.
TESSA
Are—are you a scholar as well as an innkeeper?
HENRY
Uh, that would be a… very, very high honor to—to receive such a title. I would never accept that. Uhm, I dabble in information, uhm, and in learning, uhm, and in a—a small amount of magic. Uhm, but, uh, I—I’m certainly interested.
TESSA
Well, I might be a simple old innkeeper but, personally, I don’t see the difference.
HENRY
Between…?
TESSA
Between being a scholar and whatever it is you’re doing right now.
HENRY
Oh! Well, it’s, well… We’ll say I’m a student.
(laughs)
TESSA
That makes sense. That’s wrong, though. We don’t, well, we don’t typically jump planes. We did once.
HENRY
So you just move from place to place within the… human kingdom areas?
TESSA
Well, around the continent, yes. I don’t know if we’ve ever been off the continent. Then again, I don’t know that I would… be able to tell the difference.
HENRY
Huh.
Yeah, it’s interesting because some of the people who come visit my inn who find themselves… Mm, well, let’s say, in a similar position as I find myself now, some of them it’s very obvious and some of them it’s not. Some of them are convinced that they are still home for a while until a little thing gives it away.
TESSA
Well, I don’t know much about… planar teleportation, or whatever it is you’re studying, but I do happen to know that home is more a state of mind than anything else.
Or sometimes it’s a sentient creature that teleports.
HENRY
(fumbles)
(taken off-guard)
I… You know, I’ll have to add that to the, uh, to the phrase.
HANNAH
(laughs)
HENRY
For certain.
(nervous, bewildered chuckle)
TESSA
The Inn, uhm, it chooses adventurers that it thinks is—are interesting or have interesting stories to tell and it follows them around.
HENRY
Uh…
TESSA
It likes to be home for them.
HENRY
Fascinating. So, ins—Huh. So, instead of having to travel across the country to get back home, your home comes with you as you go on your adventure.
Well, that sounds… just about as perfect as it could be. You get a little bit of… everything, in that regard.
TESSA
That’s certainly how I see it.
I hope it’s how the Inn sees it too! I think it does, although… it’s hard to know how it thinks.
HENRY
So, what type of… What type of adventurers do you like to follow, my good Goblin Head?
HANNAH
Uhm, there is a… a multitude of tiny creakings up in the rafters.
Soft creaking.
HANNAH
You see Tessa, like, looking up and watching, tracking, like, as—as it’s, like, bouncing from place to place up in the ceiling, and she says…
TESSA
Well, I can’t parse that at all, but I can tell you about who we’ve followed lately!
HENRY
Oh, I would love that!
TESSA
The last few… Let’s see, they were hired by, uh, a couple of friends in order to investigate a mystery. Very professional, uhm, acquaintances, if you will, with lots of disagreements.
But, by the time they’d solved the mystery and discovered that it was a demon in charge, they had decided that not only was the…was the challenge worth facing together, but that their friendship was worth dying for.
HENRY
(sharp breath)
Mm.
TESSA
We followed them for a ways after that, they… subverted an awful cataclysm, or so do they claim. I don’t know much about it; I just know that… some of my patrons were trying to get the same thing that they were and… were very upset about it.
HENRY
So, competing adventurers of sorts?
TESSA
Yes, although the Inn has its favorites.
HENRY
(warm laughter)
TESSA
This crew that we followed for a while, uh, it—it followed them up until the point where they got a couple more adventurers and then it decided that their story was… as complete as it ever was going to be and, uh…
(softly)
Let them be. Let them go off on their adventures.
HENRY
It’s always… the hardest challenge of any story is to know when it… is ready to be done.
TESSA
It’s true. I don’t know why, but the Inn does have an instinct for it.
HENRY
An inn-stinct.
HANNAH
(laughs)
ANDREW
Chuckles to himself!
TESSA
(humored)
An inn-stinct.
HENRY
Yes. Pardon the pun.
TESSA
Say, can I get your opinion on something?
HENRY
Uh… Very unqualified, but of course!
TESSA
Actually, you’re the most qualified person I’ve met so far! You’re an innkeeper.
HENRY
Oh.
HANNAH
She hurries off to this giant keg in the, uh, in the back of the, uh, the bar area.
ANDREW
Yeah.
HANNAH
Uhm, and, uh…
Liquid is poured.
HANNAH
Pours you out a cup of this golden, uh, beautiful liquid. Uh, your money’s on cider. Uhm…
ANDREW
Okay!
HANNAH
And she—she brings it back to you, and she, uh, just puts it in front of you.
Heavy glass is slid across the table.
HANNAH
And says…
TESSA
(firmly)
I would like your opinion on this.
ANDREW
He takes a polite sip and just kind of gives a—a standard…
HENRY
Oh, that’s quite lovely! It’s, uh, it’s wonderful!
HANNAH
(laughing)
It is pretty good though!
ANDREW
Yeah! Uh, doesn’t seem to… to really give it his all, though?
HANNAH
Okay.
TESSA
It’s our house specialty, and someone the other day told me I was overcharging for it.
HENRY
Oh…
(beat)
Well…
(beat)
No offense, but how honest of an opinion do you want?
HANNAH
(snorts)
TESSA
Well, I asked for one. Go on.
ANDREW
He kind of grabs it and this time he sniffs it.
HANNAH
(laughs)
ANDREW
He kind of… takes a sip and swirls it in his mouth a little bit. You see his… brow kind of furrow as he thinks.
HENRY
Do you make it yourself?
TESSA
I do.
HENRY
Okay.
ANDREW
Takes another…
TESSA
It’s the only thing I consistently have here, what with our supply chain changing literally every time that we jump.
ANDREW
Takes another sip.
Slurp.
HENRY
It’s very good, but I would say I believe you’re using apples that are… about a week too… too young. You should let them… You should let them be on the tree for another week before… making this.
TESSA
Fascinating. I hadn’t thought of that.
HENRY
There’s just a…
TESSA
(overlapping)
Thank you.
HENRY
(continued)
There’s a small amount of tartness on the end, on the finishing notes that, uhm, some people might like! For me, I… I like the smoothness better.
TESSA
This is very valuable. Thank you very much, Henry.
HENRY
Certainly, it is… very, very good.
TESSA
Well, that one’s on the house for you then.
HENRY
Oh, well, thank you!
TESSA
Why did you decide to start adventuring, Henry?
HENRY
Uh… That’s a really large question with a really long answer, uhm… I suppose the short end of it is…
(takes a deep breath)
(sincerely, full of melancholy)
I’ve spent my… Hah, my entire life listening to stories, listening to… People come through my inn’s doors and tell of their tales, and I’ve spent my time comforting them and listening to them and offering what advice I can and… grieving with them, when they need it. Celebrating with them, when there’s occasion.
And it’s been a full, full life… But in some respects, it’s been somebody else’s full life.
And I guess I just suppose that before… before I become my grandfather, ah, in age… I wanted to know first-hand what it was like to go out there and experience something with a little…
(chuckles)
A little uncertainty. A little danger. A little adventure.
TESSA
You know what?
HENRY
Mm?
TESSA
I think you’ll succeed!
HENRY
(with good humor)
Well, I’ve met an Inn that can talk, so…
TESSA
(chuckles softly)
HENRY
I’m doing pretty well so far, I must say!
HANNAH
She laughs at that.
HENRY
(soft laugh)
But, at the same time, uhm…
(wistfully)
There’s a lot outside those doors, isn’t there?
TESSA
A whole world that you haven’t explored, I expect.
HENRY
(with a note of fear)
Part of me wants to say this was enough and just… scurry back home. I found my story about the inn that talks and, uh…call it good.
TESSA
Now, Henry, what would be the fun of that?
HENRY
(dubious noise)
(slightly high-pitched with nerves)
Take the safe option!
(quietly)
Sister would definitely want me to take the safe option…
I almost… I almost fell off a cliff getting here, you know?
TESSA
Did you slip on the path?
HENRY
No, no! I blinked! No…
(fumbles)
I hugged the wall on the entire way here, but I blinked and found myself on the… path! If I had been standing just a few feet over in my own inn and blinked there, I would have been… plummeting!
The odds are not in your favor when you adventure!
TESSA
You know, it’s funny you should bring up odds.
One of the adventurers the Inn has been following around, uhm… they like odds very much.
HENRY
Mm!
TESSA
They’ll calculate the odds for just about anything.
HENRY
Do they win?
TESSA
(fondly)
Always.
But they’re very good at math!
HENRY
You can… you can follow the sciences! Makes life a little bit easier, I would imagine.
TESSA
But, Henry, they also have a sword and some friends.
HENRY
(agonized whisper)
Which I don’t have!
TESSA
(gentle)
You can call your adventure to an end if you’d like. I’m… sure no one would fault you. I certainly wouldn’t. In fact, I’ve never left here, really. I’ve gone all sorts of places, but I’ve always stayed home.
HENRY
Sounds familiar.
TESSA
That having been said, you said it was a potion that brought you here?
HENRY
Uh, yes!
ANDREW
And he pulls out the bottle and…
Glass clinks.
ANDREW
One last little drop drips from it, uh…
HENRY
Not enough to get back, unfortunately! I’ve got a… I think I have another way home but… it’s a little more roundabout.
TESSA
Well, to use up your whole potion on a visit to another inn, that may well exist in your world if you go looking for it…
That seems like a waste.
ANDREW
He… pushes back from the bar.
Chair scrapes across the floor.
ANDREW
Stands up and walks over to the message boards.
Footsteps.
HANNAH
Okay.
ANDREW
Starts scanning them, looking for something… that catches his eye.
HANNAH
A lot of these are for, uhm, parties, or for career mercenaries.
What are you looking for?
ANDREW
I think he’s looking for something… where it sounds like someone really needs help. Something that is a little less, for lack of a better term, corporate.
(laughs)
You know, something with a handwritten note that, uh… Although, they’re all handwritten. But, you know, a little more—a little more scrawled. Maybe… not desperate, but maybe.
Somebody in real need.
HANNAH
Okay.
(beat)
You see a notice that was handwritten. It was not, you know, it—it wasn’t calligraphized. Uhm…
It is, uh, a note that says: “Lost cow.”
Uhm…
HENRY
(excitedly)
I have experience with that!
HANNAH
(laughs)
ANDREW
Pulls it off the board.
HANNAH
Yeah.
The note says to ask for, uh… Luna Keystone.
ANDREW
Okay.
HANNAH
And it says that your reward, uh, upon finding either, uh, the cow or… the whereabouts of its last moments, are all the milk you can drink! And… five gold pieces.
HENRY
I need gold, and I like milk! So, uhm that sounds… that sounds good to me.
ANDREW
I kind of bring it back over… Uhm…Would…? To the innkeeper:
HENRY
Would…? Do you know if this is nearby where we currently are or is this from before one of your… your jumps around the kingdom?
TESSA
They just put that up today, actually. Uhm… it’s… it’s that young lady there!
HENRY
Oh!
HANNAH
Uh, she points to a dwarf in one corner.
HENRY
Thank you very much.
ANDREW
Uh, and he turns and shuffles over that direction. He very awkwardly does the thing where he, like, stands…
HANNAH
(wheezes)
ANDREW
Like… a little too far away and, like, a little bit out of the sightline, like hoping that she’ll catch his eye but, like, not wanting to intrude…
But, uhm, yeah. It’s just… Yeah, it’s very, very awkward!
HANNAH
Luna is sitting with, uh, two friends. They are deep in conversation about what sounds like mushroom farming? You are not entirely sure.
ANDREW
Okay! Yeah.
HANNAH
Uhm, yeah. They, uh… the two friends, it’s one of them that sees you first. You—you don’t, like…
They—they look at you and acknowledge you and, uh, kind of nudge Luna and say…
FRIEND
(quietly)
I think he’s here for you.
HENRY
Oh, uh…
(sheepish chuckle)
So sorry to interrupt your—your conversation.
ANDREW
I turn the note around.
HENRY
Was this your…? Was this your request?
HANNAH
Uh, Luna looks up, and she’s like… She—she… leans back on her chair…
Wooden chair creaks.
HANNAH
(continued)
And strokes her beard. She looks you up and down, she says…
LUNA
You’ll do.
Sure, uh, yes. That was my request. I desperately need to know what happened to it, it’s… one of my three and we need to get through the winter somehow.
HENRY
Say no more!
I am… more than happy to take on this noble quest for you in finding your lost cow.
LUNA
You have me on an advantage. What’s your name?
HENRY
Uh…
ANDREW
Sticks his hand out.
HENRY
My name is Henry, ma’am.
LUNA
(amused)
Henry.
Soft slap as they shake hands.
LUNA
You’re an adventurer, Henry?
HENRY
Yes, I am!
OUTRO:
Inn Between theme plays in the background.
CREDITS:
HANNAH
This has been a crossover episode between Inn Between and the Inn at the Edge of Greenwood.
Our game master and the voice of Tessa the innkeeper is Hannah Wright. Our player and the voice of Henry the innkeeper is Andrew Coons.
Dialogue editing by Katherine Ayers. Sound design by Melissa Coons.
Music by Jordan Sizemore and Eli Hamada McIlveen.
Transcript by Ria Couoh.
Check out Inn Between and the Inn at the Edge of Greenwood wherever you get your podcasts.
Music ends.
Episode ends.