Our heroes are none too pleased with Friar Velune.
Transcript is below the cut!
HANNAH WRIGHT
Hi everyone! Thanks for listening to Inn Between. Just a quick word from Hannah here: our Patreon is now up and running at patreon.com/thegoblinshead, and we have some generous contributors to thank. I’m just going to hand the mic over to Tessa the Innkeeper for a second here—
TESSA
Yes, right. We would like to say thank you to the following people for supporting Inn Between: Anthony Wright…Isn’t your surname also Wright?
HANNAH
Woah, weird coincidence, ‘cuz that’s definitely not my dad.
TESSA
Oh, of course. And also Nathaniel Heckeroth. (pause) Now Nathaniel, be honest. Are you an evil wizard? You sound a little bit like you might be an evil wizard.
HANNAH
Tessa, you—you can’t call our patrons evil wizards.
TESSA
I’m just asking! With a name like Heckeroth, he’s a high risk individual.
HANNAH
All right, that’s enough of that. If you’d like Tessa to thank you before our next episode, head on over to patreon.com/thegoblinshead. And now…let’s go to the Inn.
Brief Silence.
TESSA THE INNKEEPER
Previously, on Inn Between…
Theme music.
MELTYRE
I found out how to break the curse, but you’re not going to like it. The Kembo Luminous only grows in the depths of underwater caves.
STERLING
The Ephemeral Caverns are our best chance.
BETTY
We can dive for it.
VELUNE
(hesitantly)
I’m not so sure about this.
STERLING
Did you see that? There’s something in the water down there.
Cave noises, dripping and echoes.
FINA
(echoing)
Not to be an alarmist, but something touched my leg.
Nasty growling monster noise.
MELTYRE
(echoing)
Friar! We could really use your help down here!
VELUNE
I can’t—I can’t—
Theme song ends. Tavern sounds fade in, today accompanied by a steady dripping.
FINA
Good gods. I have never felt so slimy in my life. My entire life, guys.
MELTYRE
We should be dry by now, right? Like, this should have dried.
FINA
I feel like a loogie. Like someone hocked me right up.
STERLING
That’s disgusting.
FINA
Am I wrong, though?
STERLING
No, you’re right on.
MELTYRE
Blech.
Long pause.
VELUNE
May I take this opportunity to say again how sorry I am?
FINA
You know what? I’m sorry too, Velune.
VELUNE
At least we recovered the Kembo Luminous.
FINA
Yeah, we can count our blessings there, we got the slimy glowing kelp! And dozens of sucker marks!
VELUNE
Oh, come now.
FINA
Friar, I’m slimy and wet and covered in hickeys.
STERLING
(scandalized)
Some propriety, if you please.
FINA
Not a chance.
VELUNE
I am very sorry.
STERLING
Would you care to explain what exactly happened back there?
VELUNE
I couldn’t decide whether it was more important to continue standing guard or join you in the water.
MELTYRE
I told you what was more important!
VELUNE
Yes, well…what could I have done?
Dripping begins to fade, then ends.
MELTYRE
That thing didn’t like light! You’re all about light!
VELUNE
Ah, well, I didn’t know that, did I? And by the time I figured it out, you all would have defeated the beast anyway.
STERLING
That’s hardly a reason to—
VELUNE
Besides, you were soundly victorious. No harm done, right?
MELTYRE
I’m not going to be able to sleep on my back for weeks.
FINA
I’m itchy all over. And I do mean all over.
VELUNE
A simple allergic reaction. We’ll all mend in time.
BETTY
‘Cept you. You don’t need to.
VELUNE
I did avoid harm this once, thank the gods, but I assure you, next time I will not hesitate to step right in and—
(yelps)
Sudden scooting of chairs and table and movement; a glass spins on the table.
FINA
Woah, hey!
STERLING
Put the Friar down!
VELUNE
(strained)
Betty, please—
BETTY
(angry)
Tell the truth, Friar.
VELUNE
I—I—
FINA
(placating)
Hey, Betty, sweetheart, there’s no call for this—
BETTY
The truth. Now.
A brief tense silence.
VELUNE
The caves, they—it’s too much like being buried alive, I couldn’t…I couldn’t go in there.
Brief pause.
BETTY
(quiet and serious)
All right.
Chairs scoot back, glasses are righted.
STERLING
Was that really necessary—
FINA
Shut up, Sterling. Friar, you’ve got a phobia?
VELUNE
Something to that effect.
MELTYRE
Why didn’t you say something?
VELUNE
Well, I do try to be “game” for anything. I hadn’t realized it was going to be…quite this bad. The very idea of the tons and tons of rock, of being trapped in the water…(shudders)
A silence. It is a sobering thought.
STERLING
There was no reason to keep this to yourself.
VELUNE
And again, I am sorry.
FINA
I don’t get it. You didn’t have any problem with the dragon cave.
VELUNE
That didn’t seem quite so underground. As I said, it’s more the feeling of being buried alive.
MELTYRE
Yeah, that’s…that’s awful.
VELUNE
(quietly)
I can’t go through that again.
FINA
Again?
STERLING
You mean to say you have been—
VELUNE
I would rather not talk about it, if you please. It was all very traumatic.
FINA
I should think so. Crimeny!
MELTYRE
Good gods.
Long awkward pause. The sounds of the tavern go on.
MELTYRE
I’m scared of dogs.
And some of the tension is released.
STERLING
Really? I’ve always liked them.
MELTYRE
Never met a dog that didn’t try to bite me.
FINA
Now that’s a sad state of affairs. I can’t handle spiders, myself.
STERLING
Giant spiders are a perfectly reasonable thing to be afraid of.
FINA
No, not giant ones. Little ones. The kind that live in corners?
STERLING
You can just step on them.
FINA
Maybe you can. All those legs. Eugh.
VELUNE
(amused)
What about you, Sterling?
STERLING
Me?
FINA
C’mon, pretty boy, we’re all baring our souls.
STERLING
I suppose. (thoughtful pause) I have often feared that I’ll die without doing anything of import. That I’ll…have lived a long life and left it, having made no difference, not a single thing better.
VELUNE
You have noble inclinations.
STERLING
Perhaps.
FINA
Well, you saved our butts today. So mission accomplished, huh?
STERLING
I…I suppose so. Thank you.
MELTYRE
Yeah, you make us better.
STERLING
(genuinely flattered)
Well. Good.
BETTY
Butterflies.
STERLING
What?
BETTY
Butterflies.
MELTYRE
You’re afraid of butterflies?
BETTY
Yeah.
STERLING
But…why?
BETTY
(through gritted teeth)
They fly in your face and your hair and they won’t be still.
MELTYRE
You’re serious?
BETTY
You’re afraid of puppies?
MELTYRE
…all right.
FINA
(laughs)
You should have seen her when we went to Lady Vervain’s botanical gardens.
BETTY
You said you wouldn’t talk about that.
FINA
Sorry, buddy.
VELUNE
Well, shall we all get something to eat?
General agreement.
FINA
Anyone up for calamari?
OTHERS
(groaning, booing, general noises of discontent)
FINA
(laughs)
Theme song.
TESSA THE INNKEEPER
Next time, on Inn Between…
MELTYRE
A cockatrice can turn you to stone with a single look.
FINA
This’ll teach Betty to go running in without listening. Look at her face!
(knock knock knock)
Ha. Anyway. What’s the plan?
Silence.
FINA
Guys. The plan?
Credits:
Episode 4, “The Phobia” was written and directed by Hannah Wright, with assistant director William Wright.
The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Sterling is Marquis Dijon Archuleta; The voice of Betty is Kaleigh Christopher; The voice of Fina is Riley Jones; The voice of Velune is Kira Mills; And the voice of Meltyre is Austin Mowet.
Our theme song is by Eli McIlveen.
Want to know more about the inn? Visit us at thegoblinshead.com, or find us on twitter, and don’t forget to rate and subscribe so you don’t miss what happens next. And hey—thanks for listening!
TESSA
Listen, we have some lovely stable space outside that you’re free to—oh, they’re your familiars, are they? A pig, a goat, (goat noise) a chicken, a lizard and a cat are all your familiars? Well how familiar can they be, really? Come now. (cat noise)