Our heroes suffer a disappointment. Some handle it better than others.
Transcript below the cut!
HANNAH
Hi everyone! Just a couple quick notes before the show starts: this episode contains instances of people being very stressed and doing ill-advised things because of that stress, such as not sleeping for two days, drinking to excess, and panicking. Please take care of yourselves.
I also wanted to say thank you. This episode marks the center point of this season of Inn Between, and if you’d told me this time last year that we’d be here, I don’t think I would have believed you. I can’t wait to show you what we’ve got in store for the second half of this season.
If you’d like to help support us as we continue on, please stop by our Patreon at Patreon.com/thegoblinshead, or leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. We appreciate any help you throw our way, and that includes listening.
And now…let’s go to the Inn.
Pause.
TESSA THE INNKEEPER
Previously on Inn Between…
Theme song.
BETTY
You saw the princess. She’s still all…dragony.
STERLING
Perhaps this is not a quest to be taken on alone.
FINA
We can break the curse now, right?
MELTYRE
I guess we can!
KING
(deep voiced and haughty)
You have proven yourselves able adventurers.
VELUNE
We were glad to serve Your Majesty, and whatever reward you choose to give will be more than adequate.
KING
Reward? Certainly not. I have a new mission for you.
FINA
We’re not in the market for any new jobs right now, Your Majesty.
KING
You don’t have a choice.
MELTYRE
(weakly)
Oh, gods.
Theme song. Tavern sounds fade in.
FINA
Well.
VELUNE
Yes?
FINA
I mean, on the upside, we were not drawn and quartered.
VELUNE
That is a definite plus.
FINA
Then again…
MELTYRE
Don’t say it. I can’t handle it.
FINA
Hey, you did fine, kid. Lifted the curse, saved our lives—
VELUNE
You did everything you promised.
FINA
It’s not your fault the king felt the need to welch on us.
MELTYRE
It’d be easier if he just executed us.
VELUNE
Now, now.
MELTYRE
(panicked)
Who’s gonna take care of my sisters if we die?
FINA
Your sisters?
MELTYRE
They depend on me! How else does he expect us to—I mean, we can’t just jsh—
(dissolves into wheezing)
FINA
Woah, woah, kid, relax.
VELUNE
Take slow breaths, Meltyre. That’s it.
BETTY
You’re still burnt out from the ritual.
MELTYRE
(unsteadily)
I guess?
BETTY
When’s the last time you slept?
MELTYRE
Uh…two…days ago?
VELUNE
Oh, Meltyre.
BETTY
Finish your drink and go to bed.
MELTYRE
Yeah. Okay.
VELUNE
Will you be all right?
MELTYRE
(groans)
FINA
Yeah, me too.
VELUNE
Well, there is something to be said for job security.
FINA
You know what else there’s something to be said for?
VELUNE
I suspect you’re going to say money.
FINA
That is correct! Give the Friar a prize.
BETTY
You got no shame.
FINA
Betty. How long have we been friends?
BETTY
We helped the girl.
FINA
Yeah, sure, I guess. And tell me, what reward did we get for that exactly? More work! Now with even higher risk of death!
VELUNE
Prove yourself in one area, and you will be entrusted with another. A fairly common tactic, in my experience. The head of our Abbey used to do such things all the time.
FINA
Did the head of your Abbey ever try to send you to your death because they owed you money and saw you as a threat to their already tenuous hold on the throne?
VELUNE
I cannot say that they did, no.
MELTYRE
There’s no way out of this, is there?
BETTY
Nope.
VELUNE
I’m sure it will all work out in the end.
FINA
As a bard, I feel obligated to remind you that death is also a resolution.
MELTYRE
Please don’t say that.
FINA
All right, all right. Where is Sterling?
BETTY
At the bar.
MELTYRE
He’s been there since we got here.
VELUNE
I don’t exactly blame him. Of the five of us, he had the most to gain.
FINA
I thought the king reversed his disgrace. You know, since it didn’t cost him any money.
VELUNE
The king recommended to his order that his disgrace be reversed. And his order said no.
FINA
Couldn’t he just command them to—
VELUNE
No. The king has no jurisdiction over matters of the gods.
FINA
If you ask me, he’s being a big baby over all of this. His reputation isn’t worth more than what he would have made in cash.
MELTYRE
It is to him.
FINA
Whatever. He needs to lighten up. (shouts) Hey Sterling!
VELUNE
You’re not going to convince him to ‘lighten up.’ He’s just going to get angry.
FINA
Says you. I’m a professional.
VELUNE
I’m willing to bet money.
FINA
Oo, you’re on, Friar. Five gold that I can make him feel better.
VELUNE
Without magic?
FINA
What kind of a bard would I be if I won a bet with magic?
VELUNE
A fairly standard one, I’d say.
FINA
Well not today, you have my word. Deal?
VELUNE
Done.
FINA
Yeah, watch this. Hey, Sterling, how…what is in that jug?
Slow footsteps coming in closer, stumbling, chair sloppily scooted. Sterling is drunk.
STERLING
(with relish)
Rum.
MELTYRE
In a jug? It’s almost gone.
STERLING
Good rum. Want some?
MELTYRE
Uh, pass.
STERLING
Come now, drink with me.
VELUNE
You’ll do yourself harm, drinking like that. Humans don’t have the capacity—
STERLING
I’m not!
FINA
Not what?
STERLING
I’m f-fine! I’ll be fine. You know why?
FINA
Okay, I’ll bite.
STERLING
Because…my life…is over! Salud! (clink of glass)
VELUNE
Hm. Well, Fina?
FINA
All right, all right. Listen, Sterling, there’s got to be a bright side to all this, right?
STERLING
(laughs)
Oh Fina. No. There’s nothing left!
FINA
But at the very least you’re no worse off than before.
STERLING
(laughs harder)
No I am, though. I am. Because before I had hope. And now? Nothing!
MELTYRE
Why are you laughing?
STERLING
Because it’s funny! You know? It’s funny. And Fina, you can help. You got names, right?
FINA
Names? What?
STERLING
You know, names. Insults. I know you have some. Go ahead.
FINA
What, you want me to call you names?
STERLING
Yeah, you got lots, right? Like uh…here. (twang of guitar being handled)
FINA
Hey, give that back!
STERLING
(ugly chord; mock performing)
Hey Whitetower, it’s funny that you thought a couple of minor quests would be enough to stand against some blatant lies and restore your good name!
FINA
Wow, you have sucked all the joy out of my favorite pastime. Just like that.
STERLING
(ugly chord) Hey Sterling, you know how you expected your king to act justly, despite how he’s acted as long as you’ve known him? How stupid are you, really?
FINA
Give me that. (twang)
STERLING
(disheartened)
‘Cause you know? I really honestly thought it would work. I thought it was a test from St. Cuthbert. I’m a victim of injustice, so I have to bring justice back to the world, and St. Cuthbert would reward me!
VELUNE
My son, you must know that the gods do not make deals in mortal fashion.
STERLING
Well yeah, I know that now! Even when we finish this quest, I’m still going to be in disgrace. I’ll never prove myself because there’s nothing to prove, and it’s not fair.
MELTYRE
(gloomily)
Life isn’t fair.
STERLING
That’s right! There’s no justice! Where is St. Cuthbert now?
BETTY
Stop. Wait.
STERLING
What?
BETTY
You said ‘when.’
STERLING
Did not.
FINA
No, you did. You said ‘when we finish this quest.’
STERLING
Oh, that. Yeah?
FINA
When? When? There’s no way.
VELUNE
I think you’re losing sight of the goal of this bet, Fina.
FINA
Shut up, Velune. Sterling, we have been given a suicide mission.
STERLING
No it’s not. We’re good.
MELTYRE
No one can fight the Bone King! No one who’s ever tried has survived!
STERLING
We’re not no one. We’re…we’re heroes.
Long pause.
FINA
(in awe)
You really believe that.
MELTYRE
I’m not a hero.
STERLING
Ssh, you are. You’re a good wizard.
MELTYRE
I’m…just..I’m not really, though—
STERLING
Sshhhhh.
FINA
Now hang on. Sterling. Can I…pay attention, Paladon’t. Look at me.
STERLING
Hmm?
FINA
You honestly believe we’ll live through fighting an undead monstrosity that’s been terrorizing the kingdom for months.
STERLING
Yeah.
FINA
And yet you are still disappointed because of your stupid reputation.
STERLING
My rep—this isn’t just my reputation! It’s my calling, Fina, my entire life’s purpose! And it was taken away from me because of a lie! And I’ll never get it back.
A sober silence (for a given value of sober).
VELUNE
Well, Fina. I will be impressed to see how you manage to lighten that up.
FINA
Oh yeah? I’ll show you, old…person.
VELUNE
I’m ready when you are.
FINA
Now you’ve forced my hand. I’m gonna be nice.
Betty laughs.
FINA
Hey, I can be nice!
BETTY
Prove it.
FINA
I will. Just remember, you asked for this. Sterling, listen to me. Are you listening?
STERLING
(groans)
FINA
Close enough. You use a lot of things to define you, my man.
STERLING
Do I?
FINA
(impatiently)
Your noble birth, your title, your status as a paladin?
STERLING
Oh. Right.
FINA
Look, those things aren’t you. You’ve seen how easy they go away. That’s gone, but you’re still the same Sterling Whitetower who saved our butts from the octopus, and killed a dragon, and—and talked us into the king’s court, for gods’ sake. Okay?
STERLING
I don’t…but those things aren’t—
FINA
It doesn’t matter where you came from or what people think of you, okay? The only thing that makes you who you are is what you do next.
Pause.
MELTYRE
Wow.
FINA
You following me, Top Gun?
STERLING
Yeah. I think so.
FINA
Well. We’ll see how much of that you remember in the morning. Go to bed, Sterling.
STERLING
All right. (chair scoot) Uh, Fina?
FINA
Yeah?
STERLING
(quietly)
Thanks.
Footsteps walking away.
FINA
All right, cough up, Friar.
Coins clinking.
VELUNE
That was absolutely worth the price of admission.
FINA
Yeah, well, record the event for posterity, it’ll never happen again.
MELTYRE
You…you kinda care about us, don’t you?
FINA
Oh, shut up, kid. You should get some rest too, with all the skeletons and zombies and undead horrors we’ll have to deal with.
VELUNE
They’re really not so bad. Try not to think about them too much.
MELTYRE
Oh yeah, I’ll just not think about it. Sure. (chair scoot) I need to write a letter home. Night.
VELUNE
I’d better turn in, too.
FINA
Yeah, all worn out from losing?
VELUNE
(chair scoot) Mm, did I really lose, though?
FINA
Uh, yes. You did. I have your money now.
VELUNE
Orrrr…perhaps I spent five gold on the very worthy cause of drawing us all a little closer together?
Confused pause.
FINA
You—did you—did you trick me?
VELUNE
(pleased with themself)The gods work in mysterious ways. Good night, Fina, Betty.
FINA
Why you—you—!
As Velune walks away, Betty starts to laugh.
FINA
Shut up, Betty!
Theme song.
TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between…
VELUNE
The journey will be long and difficult, and the closer we get to the Bone King’s lair, the more dangerous things will get.
STERLING
We ought to take advantage of towns while we still have them.
MELTYRE
Guys? Something’s not right about this inn.
Credits
Episode 7, “The Bet,” was written and directed by Hannah Wright, with assistant director William Wright.
The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Sterling is Marquis Dijon Archuleta; the voice of Betty is Kaleigh Christopher; the voice of Fina is Riley Jones; the voice of Velune is Kira Mills; and the voice of Meltyre is Austin Mowat. The King’s voice was provided by William Wright.
Fina’s guitar is played by Eli Isbell, and our theme song is by Eli McIlveen.
Want to know more about the inn? Visit us at thegoblinshead.com, or find us on twitter, and don’t forget to rate and subscribe so you don’t miss what happens next. Thanks for listening!
Tavern sounds.
TESSA
Miss, practitioners of all religions are welcome here, but surely Lolth would understand if you left your spiders outside? They’re—oh, they’re tracking mud all over the ceiling, now really.
End.