Our heroes learn a long-buried secret.
Transcript is below the cut!
TESSA THE INNKEEPER
Previously on Inn Between…
Theme song begins.
MELTYRE
No one can fight the Bone King! No one who’s ever tried has survived!
STERLING
We’re not no one. We’re…we’re heroes.
VELUNE
The journey will be long and difficult.
FINA
I don’t like this place. It’s goblin country out here.
BETTY
Watch out, that one’s a warlock—
Fwooshing sound, Sterling shouts, and a meaty thud.
VELUNE
Meltyre!
Theme song ends, fading into tavern sounds. It’s quiet today.
STERLING
I have never been so insulted in all my life.
FINA
You’re kidding me, right?
STERLING
The utter audacity. I am appalled.
FINA
It’s a hat, Sterling.
STERLING
A very important hat! Look at it, it’s ruined!
FINA
Then why are you still wearing it, genius? You’ve only got like, the brim left.
STERLING
I’m trying to salvage what little dignity I have.
FINA
Nice job, Paladon’t, you look like an idiot.
STERLING
And I feel humiliated. I can’t imagine anyone having it worse than me.
MELTYRE
(coughing, wheezing)
Don’t mind me.
FINA
Yeah, seriously, Sterling?
VELUNE
I must say, Meltyre, you’re doing very well. How are you feeling?
MELTYRE
I’ve been better.
BETTY
You’ve got like four broken ribs.
MELTYRE
Yeah. So. Doing great. (coughing) I hate goblins.
VELUNE
Take a seat, Meltyre. (chair scoot) We’ll soon have you mended. Now, let’s see here…(thoughtful tch-ing noises) Hm. Cure Wounds ought to do it.
Magic noise—zing zing zing—followed by a crack.
MELTYRE
(noise of discomfort; a yelp) I am never gonna get used to that!
VELUNE
Is that better?
MELTYRE
Yeah. Thanks.
FINA
See, Sterling, the kid’s got the right to complain. And you’re upset about a hat.
STERLING
Respectfully, Meltyre, my problem is just a bit more pressing than yours.
MELTYRE
(disbelief)
I’m sorry, your hat is more important than my internal bleeding?
STERLING
Frankly, yes. Your problem was easily fixed. Mine very nearly caused irrevocable damage.
FINA
You’ve got to be kidding me.
BETTY
It’s a hat. Fix it or get a new one.
VELUNE
If you like, I can try to mend it by magic.
Beat.
STERLING
Uh…well you see, I—I…
VELUNE
Oh, it’s really no trouble. Let me see it.
STERLING
No, that’s…that’s all right.
FINA
Thirty seconds ago you were all fired up about it.
VELUNE
Wouldn’t even be the work of a moment.
STERLING
It’s not that I don’t appreciate the offer—
MELTYRE
Why won’t you let us fix your obviously life-threatening problem?
STERLING
I don’t expect you to understand—
BETTY
Why?
STERLING
It’s a matter of—
BETTY
Here, lemme see it—
Abrupt scooting of a table, with crosstalk:
FINA
(crosstalk)
Hey!
MELTYRE
(crosstalk)
What—
VELUNE
Sterling, what are you doing?
STERLING
(slightly quieter, as if under a table)
Please give me my hat back.
FINA
Betty, don’t, not yet. What’s the deal, Sterling?
STERLING
No, don’t look!
FINA
C’mon, Paladon’t, get out from under the table.
STERLING
Don’t ask me to do that, Fina.
MELTYRE
Why not? What’s wrong?
STERLING
I can’t explain. Please, if we’re friends, forget this happened. Give me my hat. I’m begging you.
Pause.
FINA
Pff. Never thought I’d see the day when Lord Whitetower here begged.
MELTYRE
What’s so terrible, anyway?
STERLING
It doesn’t matter. Just give it back.
FINA
I don’t know, Sterling, I think we should hang on to this til you tell us what’s up.
VELUNE
Surely it’s not that bad. A birthmark? A scar?
STERLING
It doesn’t matter!
BETTY
Sterling.
STERLING
What?
BETTY
We are friends.
STERLING
Then you can give me my hat and we can move on—
BETTY
So you can tell us the truth.
A very long pause.
STERLING
You can’t tell anyone.
VELUNE
Of course we won’t.
STERLING
Swear it. All of you.
VELUNE
I swear by Pelor, I will tell no one without your permission.
BETTY
I swear.
MELTYRE
Yeah, sure.
STERLING
And Fina?
FINA
Okay, fine, but only because I’m dying to know now.
STERLING
(sighs)
All right.
(rustle rustle)
FINA
Holy hydra!
VELUNE
My gods, your ears!
STERLING
(above the table, pleading)
Betty, can I please have my hat back?
BETTY
(taken aback)
Yeah. Here.
STERLING
(halfhearted)
Thank you.
MELTYRE
So…so what, you’re not fully human?
STERLING
Can’t you keep your voice down?
MELTYRE
Sorry, but…is that it? What’s the problem? Most of the wizards I trained with weren’t human either.
FINA
Because, dear Meltyre, Lady Daria Whitetower is human, and so was the late Lord Samuel Whitetower, if I recall.
STERLING
(stiffly)
You recall correctly.
FINA
Whereas our friend Sterling here is…what, a half-elf?
STERLING
(reluctantly)
Yes.
MELTYRE
Ohhhh. Gotcha.
STERLING
And now, if you please, we’ll never speak of this again.
FINA
Oh, don’t delude yourself, Paladon’t, I have some questions.
VELUNE
Sweet Pelor, have you been lying about who you are your entire life?
STERLING
What choice do I have?
BETTY
There’s always a choice.
STERLING
No! There isn’t! If I tell the truth, my mother will be disgraced, I will be even more disgraced, we’ll lose our title, our inheritance—I can’t, don’t you see?
MELTYRE
So what, you’re just going to lie until you die?
STERLING
Yes!
VELUNE
That’s unsustainable, Sterling.
STERLING
It worked up until a goblin warlock decided to try and set my head on fire. And people I thought were my friends insisted on ripping off my hat!
BETTY
You can’t live like this.
STERLING
I have so far, and I don’t mean to stop.
FINA
(laughs)
STERLING
Do you find this funny, Fina?
FINA
(while laughing)
No, no, it’s just—your other disgrace, the one everyone knows about. With the duchess.
STERLING
Gods, now we’re talking about this one too? Please, Fina—
FINA
Sorry, I just—I just realized. She claimed you fathered her child and all you’d have to do to prove you were innocent—I mean, from what I hear, her baby is pretty obviously all human.
VELUNE
You could have avoided being disgraced at all.
STERLING
No! I’d just be trading one disgrace for another.
VELUNE
They’d likely have let you stay in the order of St. Cuthbert.
STERLING
And what of my mother?
VELUNE
Perhaps she’d understand.
STERLING
I can’t make that choice for her!
BETTY
You can’t keep lying.
FINA
Hey! Cut it out. Let him be.
VELUNE
But Fina, surely you see—
FINA
I see a man whose mind we’re not going to change. Leave him alone. Here, Sterling, sit down. Relax.
STERLING
(sighs)
Chair scoot.
MELTYRE
There’s something I don’t understand. I’ve seen you without your hat and your ears weren’t pointy then.
STERLING
(gloomily)
I have an enchanted ring. It’s too small, though. I can’t wear it all the time.
FINA
Why not get a new one?
STERLING
And risk someone knowing? The hat is easier.
FINA
Yeah. Flammable, though.
STERLING
(sighs)
I understand if you don’t wish to be friends with me. This is a serious breach of trust, and I can’t ask you to risk association with a bastard.
BETTY
Why not? I’m one.
VELUNE
I beg your pardon?
BETTY
I’m a bastard too. Half-orc.
MELTYRE
Gods, you’re only half orc? How big are full orcs?
BETTY
Bigger than me.
MELTYRE
Jeez.
STERLING
Betty, I…I had no idea.
BETTY
It’s different with orcs. If you can prove you’re strong, they don’t care who fathered you. I don’t have to deal with politics.
STERLING
Who knew there was something so admirable about orcs?
BETTY
Watch yourself, half-breed.
STERLING
Eh—right. Sorry.
VELUNE
If it comes to that, I don’t have any idea who my parents are. I was adopted by my order.
STERLING
At least you’re human.
VELUNE
(amused chuckle)
Actually, I’m not. They’ve rounded out as I’ve grown older, but I used to have rather pointy ears too.
STERLING
You’re half elf?
VELUNE
And half dwarf.
FINA
(delighted)
No way.
VELUNE
Yes. I rather suspect that’s why I was left at the Abbey as an infant.
FINA
I should think so. Talk about your forbidden romance. That’s incredible.
MELTYRE
I’ve never met anyone like you, Friar.
VELUNE
Neither have I. It’s all a bit of an adventure. But what about you, Fina?
FINA
I’m all halfling, baby. (cheerful tada! chords) At least, if you don’t ask halflings. They don’t know what I am.
STERLING
What do you mean? You look like a normal halfling.
FINA
Yeah, but I don’t act like them. They’re all so—so…complacent.
VELUNE
And you’re not, I suppose?
FINA
No way. I want more. More of everything. More life. Try and find me living in a hole. Heck no.
MELTYRE
Are halflings not ambitious?
FINA
Not usually. I’m kind of a freak. You understand this, right, Meltyre? Humans are ambitious.
MELTYRE
Maybe. Not me.
VELUNE
But being a wizard requires ambition, doesn’t it?
MELTYRE
I-I guess. I just wanted to learn about magic. Like, in theory. I never wanted to practice so much.
STERLING
Then why go adventuring?
MELTYRE
I had to find some way to make some money. Since my parents died, I’m the only one left to take care of my sisters.
VELUNE
How old are your sisters?
MELTYRE
Uh…eight, ten, and thirteen.
FINA
Oof, babies!
MELTYRE
Not exactly babies.
FINA
No? I always forget how fast humans age.
VELUNE
How old are you, Meltyre?
MELTYRE
Eighteen. Almost nineteen.
General sounds of disbelief.
FINA
I can’t believe we’ve been traveling with a literal child.
MELTYRE
(protest)
I’m not a child. I’m full grown.
BETTY
Nah.
STERLING
No, I remember being eighteen. I was a far sight from fully grown.
MELTYRE
Well you’re a half-elf! What do you know?
STERLING
(hushed)
Please, keep your voice down.
FINA
(laughing)
What a bunch of freaks we are, huh?
VELUNE
Ah, birds of a feather and all that. I’m rather glad we found each other.
FINA
You’re a giant sap, Friar. Anyone for a drink? Sterling?
STERLING
Gods, yes, please.
MELTYRE
I’ll take one.
FINA
Child, aren’t you a little young to be drinking alcohol?
MELTYRE
Oh, c’mon.
VELUNE
(amused)
Wouldn’t want to stunt your growth or somesuch.
MELTYRE
I’m a grown man!
BETTY
Hey shut up. (beat) Don’t upset the baby.
MELTYRE
Hey!
All laugh, fading out.
Theme song.
TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between…
Cricket sounds, and a crackling fire.
FINA
Happy to be camping, Betty?
BETTY
Yep. (Pause) You hear that?
MELTYRE
Is it a good idea to split the party?
STERLING
It will be fine. Let’s go.
MELTYRE
Okay…
End.
Credits:
Episode 9, “The Half-Elf,” was written and directed by Hannah Wright, with assistant director William Wright.
The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Sterling is Marquis Dijon Archuleta; the voice of Betty is Kaleigh Christopher; the voice of Fina is Riley Jones; the voice of Velune is Kira Mills; and the voice of Meltyre is Austin Mowat.
Fina’s guitar is played by Eli Isbell, and our theme song is by Eli McIlveen.
Want to know more about the inn? Visit us at thegoblinshead.com, or find us on twitter, and don’t forget to rate and subscribe so you don’t miss what happens next. Thanks for listening!
Tavern sounds.
TESSA
Of course we’re a child-friendly establishment. Look, that child right there is practicing her longsword and—oh dear, there goes another arm. I’ll fetch a mop.