Our heroes aren’t the real story here.
Transcript is below the cut!
HANNAH
Hi everyone! Hannah here. Boy oh boy, these sure are some times we’re having, huh? We were going to wait on releasing this bonus episode until we could tell you more about our crowdfunding for season three, but I think we could all use this right now.
As an update on where we are on season three, when this episode goes up we will have finished making most of our casting decisions and got started putting together crowdfunding and recording schedules. And y’all…I can’t wait to show you what we’ve got in store. We’ll let you know more news along with our next piece of bonus content, so stay frosty.
In the meantime, wash your hands, protect your friends, and please take care of yourselves.
Let’s go to the Inn.
Short silence.
Tavern sounds fade in.
MELTYRE
I just don’t think it’s a good idea!
STERLING
Surely the magic isn’t the problem?
MELTYRE
No, but like—they do know who they’re asking, right?
Chair scoots.
STERLING
The May Day fireworks are traditionally the responsibility of the court wizard.
MELTYRE
But I hate fireworks. They shred my nerves.
STERLING
Then you can’t do it?
Footsteps, getting closer.
MELTYRE
Of course I can do it, I just—
KLARA
(a friendly, resonant voice)
Good afternoon! What can I get for you gentlemen?
STERLING
(puzzled)
Oh. Hello?
MELTYRE
Um, a cider and a wine, please?
STERLING
Ice with that wine, if you would.
KLARA
Got it. I’ll have that right out for you.
STERLING
Beg your pardon, ma’am, but…where’s Miss Tessa?
KLARA
Oh, she’s around here somewhere. I’m just here to help out today. I’m Klara, Tessa’s my mom.
MELTYRE
Oh!
STERLING
We’ve heard about you! Pleased to meet you.
KLARA
All good things I hope?
MELTYRE
Oh, of course, all good things.
KLARA
(laughs)
Good. Be back in a minute.
Footsteps walking away.
MELTYRE
Do you think Miss Tessa’s all right? Why does she need help?
TESSA
(muffled)
I don’t!
MELTYRE
(startled)
Wh—oh! Oh my gods—
STERLING
Miss Tessa?
MELTYRE
Why are you under the table?
TESSA
I’m definitely not hiding from Klara, I’ll tell you that for free.
MELTYRE
Um?
TESSA
I’m not here, just carry on with your conversation.
Weird pause.
MELTYRE
Okay…
STERLING
The fireworks?
MELTYRE
Right. I can probably do it, it’ll just suck.
STERLING
Is it the noise or the light that bothers you? Or both?
MELTYRE
Uh…mostly the noise, I guess?
STERLING
What if you closed off your ears while you did it?
MELTYRE
Mm…that could work…
TESSA
Be sure not to use cotton, you can get fibers stuck in your ears and that can cause problems.
Weirder silence.
MELTYRE
Miss Tessa? Why are you hiding from your daughter?
TESSA
I told you, this isn’t hiding. This is my time to inspect the underside of all the tables.
STERLING
Does this one pass inspection?
TESSA
It needs some further study.
STERLING
I see.
MELTYRE
Are you sure you wouldn’t rather sit at the table? With us?
Pause.
TESSA
Well. Sitting on the floor isn’t very good for my hips.
Chair scoot.
STERLING
Klara seems lovely.
TESSA
(no longer muffled)
She is. And I’m very proud of her.
MELTYRE
Which is why you’re definitely not hiding from her.
TESSA
Certainly not.
STERLING
It would be rather foolish to hide under a table from your daughter.
TESSA
Exceedingly so. (pause, and then sigh) Especially because she is just trying to help.
MELTYRE
What’s wrong with that?
TESSA
Nothing, really. It’s a bit complex, adventurers.
STERLING
Perhaps we can be of assistance.
TESSA
Oh, it’s not heroes I need right at the moment. It’s…
MELTYRE
It’s what?
TESSA
She wants me to take things easier. The older she gets, the more me running the inn concerns her.
STERLING
Surely running an inn isn’t all that dangerous.
MELTYRE
Running this inn might be.
TESSA
That’s her concern exactly. It’s as if she’s forgotten how this place was named!
MELTYRE
How was it named?
TESSA
Well it used to be the Giggling Crane, but when I bought it we were immediately attacked by goblins. It was actually a bit of a misunderstanding, but we stood fast, and one thing led to another, and we ended up naming it in honor of Harold.
STERLING
Harold is…a goblin?
TESSA
He was at one point.
MELTYRE
Did you behead a goblin?
TESSA
Oh, who can keep track of who beheaded whom? The point is, I am no fragile old lady, and Klara doesn’t need to worry about me.
STERLING
You can’t blame her for wanting you to be safe.
TESSA
Oh, you’re on her side, are you?
STERLING
Sides, I—no!
TESSA
(suddenly fierce)
You don’t believe I can take care of myself and my inn?
MELTYRE
I don’t think it’s about trust, Miss Tessa. She loves you, is all. She’s worried.
Pause.
TESSA
(sigh)
I know.
STERLING
Have you talked to Klara about this?
TESSA
I’ve tried to. It’s just one of those things we can’t see eye to eye on.
MELTYRE
So instead you’re just…hiding? Til she goes away?
TESSA
I admit, it’s not a perfect solution.
KLARA
(distant)
Mom!
TESSA
Oh, dear, I’ve been found.
KLARA
(coming closer, with footsteps)
There you are. I wondered where you got to.
TESSA
Just having a conversation.
KLARA
I’d like to continue our conversation, if you don’t mind. Excuse me, gentlemen.
TESSA
No, wait, I’d actually like you to meet these two.
KLARA
(longsuffering)
Mom, if you’re trying to set me up again—
Meltyre and Sterling make dubious noises at the same time.
TESSA
No, no. These are two of the heroes that the inn was following on its last excursion.
KLARA
Oh. I see.
STERLING
(proudly)
And the portion of the group that the inn stayed with.
TESSA
Well it does live here. That might just be a coincidence.
STERLING
(disappointed)
Oh.
KLARA
It’s very nice to meet you, but I’m sure you understand that I’d really like to have a conversation with my mom about the inn.
TESSA
The heroes are a part of this conversation too.
MELTYRE
Uh, are we?
TESSA
Well, you’re the reason my inn transcends space and time and hops around and puts me in danger.
KLARA
No, Mom, they’re not! The reason your inn does that is because you have a time and space transcending inn!
TESSA
That doesn’t make a lot of sense, now does it, Klara?
KLARA
You know what I mean. You chose this.
STERLING
(aside, to Meltyre)
How did we get mixed up in this?
MELTYRE
(social anxiety ahoy)
I don’t know!
TESSA
You didn’t seem to have a problem with the inn when you lived here.
KLARA
I didn’t know! It was all like an adventure! I was a kid!
STERLING
Do you think, if we ran for it—
TESSA
It’s still an adventure! One that I’m more than capable of handling!
MELTYRE
No, don’t draw their attention!
KLARA
You’re getting too old to go gallivanting around like this anymore.
TESSA
I most certainly am not! I told you I would retire when that day comes, and I’m not remotely close to it yet.
KLARA
So what am I supposed to do, just tread water while my mom has disappeared to parts unknown? You don’t even write to let me know where you are!
TESSA
Running this place keeps me very busy, as you are well aware—
KLARA
You’re not too busy to write down two sentences saying, “I’m fine, here’s where we’re heading.”
STERLING
Oh, that bit is our fault.
MELTYRE
Yeah, we could have done better about that.
TESSA
(reluctantly)
You…may well have a point…but what do you plan to do, Klara, move back here with me? Keep an eye on me?
KLARA
No. I have my own life, you know that. I just…I get worried, okay, when the inn is gone and I don’t know where you are.
STERLING
(to Meltyre)
Ah, you were right, it seems.
MELTYRE
Not a huge comfort right this moment.
TESSA
I worry about you too, you know. You’re so listless these days.
KLARA
I know.
TESSA
I sometimes wonder if that’s my fault, if raising you here did that to you.
KLARA
I…I don’t know, maybe. But that’s not the point, okay? I’m doing fine. I just wish you’d let me take care of you once in a while.
STERLING
(quietly)
Do you think if we left now—
MELTYRE
(quietly)
Pretty sure we’d ruin the moment?
TESSA
I can certainly write the occasional letter. If it will make you feel better.
KLARA
It would. It really would.
TESSA
I’m sorry, Klara, I wish I was a better parent. I don’t have any frame of reference.
KLARA
You’ve always been a great mom. Now just let me be a good daughter, okay?
TESSA
(sighs)
All right. (fondly) I suppose I can manage that. I love you, Klara.
KLARA
I love you too.
Sweet pause.
MELTYRE
What does that mean, that you don’t have any frame of reference?
TESSA
Oh, are you two still here?
MELTYRE
(sputtering)
We—I—we didn’t have a lot of choice in the matter, uh—
STERLING
Will all due respect, Miss Tessa, you sat down at our table.
KLARA
Oh, your drinks! I totally forgot.
TESSA
Well.
(chair scoot)
Let’s go get those, shall we?
KLARA
Let’s. Nice to meet you, heroes.
STERLING
Likewise.
MELTYRE
Uh, nice to meet you too.
Footsteps walking away. The heroes wait to speak until they are done.
MELTYRE
Oh my gods.
STERLING
Yes, that was awkward.
MELTYRE
(groaning)
Other people’s family fights…
STERLING
What did Tessa mean, do you suppose? No frame of reference for parenting?
MELTYRE
I don’t know. (pause) Maybe she didn’t have any. Parents, I mean.
STERLING
Oh.
Long pause, and then Meltyre takes a deep breath.
MELTYRE
Anyway, the fireworks?
STERLING
Yes, the fireworks.
Fading out.
MELTYRE
Who did them before? Is there anyone I can ask for advice?
STERLING
Well the last court wizard is dead, so…no.
Theme song.
Credits:
This bonus episode, “The Innkeeper,” was written by Hannah Wright and directed by William Wright. The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Sterling is Marquis Dijon Archuleta. The voice of Meltyre is Austin Mowat. The voice of Tessa is Hannah Wright.
This episode featured the voice of special guest Alicia Atkins as Klara. Hear more of Alicia’s work on The Beacon, Copperheart, The Creepy Podcast, and The Influx.
Our theme song is by Eli McIlveen, and our artwork is by Gabrielle Buxman.
Transcripts for this and every episode can be found on our website, thegoblinshead.com. Find and follow us on twitter, @inn_between_, or support us on patreon, at patreon.com/thegoblinshead.
Stay tuned, everyone, we’ll be back soon. Thanks for listening!
Theme song ends.