Fina’s just trying to make a buck.
Transcript is below the cut!
Downloadable PDF transcript (Starts at episode timecode 0:30)
HANNAH
Hi everyone! Hannah here, with Tessa, to thank a patron. Tessa?
TESSA
Yes, we would like to thank Winter Shay for her support—thank you very much. Are you and your druid siblings all named after seasons?
HANNAH
Well, I’m pretty sure it’s Shay Winters, and I’m also pretty sure she’s not a druid.
TESSA
Well, how exactly can you be sure of that?
HANNAH
…You know what? Fair.
TESSA
If you’d like to support the show, go to patreon.com/thegoblinshead.
HANNAH
We hope you’re enjoying these bonus episodes as much as we are. Let’s go!
Short silence.
Dripping water against rock in the distance, wind, echo.
FINA
(Singing, heavy southern accent)
Sneakin’, sneakin’ through a cave, gonna steal an artifact, and get paid! Sneakin’, sneakin’ through a cave.
Humming and clicking, as if against rock.
FINA
Wait a sec.
Humming stops.
ROSIE
What the—?
FINA
Hey! Who are you?
ROSIE
What are you supposed to be, some kind of… hick?
FINA
What are you supposed to be? You lanky, drow miscreant!
Mysterious guitar string.
ROSIE
Ow! What the—? Ow!
FINA
Yeah, you like that, lady? There’s more where that came from!
ROSIE
Was that Vicious Mockery?
(annoyed sigh)
Are you a bard?
FINA
Do us both a favor, babe.
Guitar chords being played.
FINA
(echoing)
Take a nap.
ROSIE
I…
(trails off with a sigh)
Body falling to the ground.
FINA
(smug)
Hehe, hehe! Nobody ever expects a bard!
Soft click.
FINA
I’ll take this!
Cave sounds fade away. Silence.
Door creaks.
FINA
Why, sure, Mr. Merchant Man! I’d love to just walk into your house and take your stuff! Especially a ruby incrusted dagger.
(chuckles)
Wait! You—
ROSIE
Well, if it isn’t the bard merc!
(pleasant)
Hello.
FINA
Get your hands of my take, lady!
ROSIE
I heard you were in town, thought I might see you after this old thing.
FINA
Prepare for some mockery, thief!
ROSIE
(not sorry at all)
Oops, sorry, I actually can’t hear you!
(smug)
Ear plugs!
FINA
What the—
ROSIE
So, I’ll be taking this, and I believe this is my window of escape!
Window being opened.
ROSIE
(very pleased with herself)
If you’ll pardon the pun. Bye!
(grunts)
FINA
(offended)
The absolute nerve!
Sounds of a tavern, people talking in the background.
Chair creaks as it scoots over.
FINA
(her accent is milder now)
You know what I really like about working with you, Betty?
BETTY
What’s that?
FINA
I don’t end the day all worn out from doing the combat magic.
BETTY
Hm.
FINA
You’re very good at the combat thing.
BETTY
Didn’t ask how I feel.
FINA
(indulges her)
And how do you feel, Betty?
BETTY
Pretty good.
FINA
I bet you’re the strongest merc in the business.
BETTY
(proud)
Pretty close.
FINA
Yeah…
(pause)
Hey, wait. You see that woman?
BETTY
The elf?
FINA
Yeah. Her. Hey!
ROSIE
(loudly, distant)
You!
FINA
(loud as well)
You!
Chair creaks.
Footsteps approaching.
FINA
You owe me, like, two hundred gold for that stupid dagger.
ROSIE
(affronted)
I owe you? You owe me seventy-five for the artifact!
FINA
Well, I don’t have it, okay? It wasn’t even a real artifact, it was a fake.
ROSIE
(deflated)
Oh… really? That’s disappointing.
FINA
Yeah, huge waste of time. About my dagger though…
ROSIE
No dice. My fence double-crossed me, I got nothing.
FINA
Ooh, that’s tragic.
ROSIE
I know! So hard to find a good fence these days.
BETTY
We know a good one.
ROSIE
Oh! I don’t know how it’s possible but… I did not see you there!
(delighted)
Hello!
FINA
Don’t go telling folks our secrets!
BETTY
Could be helpful.
FINA
She’s wily!
ROSIE
(flattered)
Aw, you’re just saying that.
FINA
No, I’m not!
ROSIE
(teasing)
You are so nice!
FINA
I am not, you take that back!
BETTY
I’m Betty. She’s Fina.
ROSIE
Rosie. So glad to make your acquaintance. I’m always in the market for new friends.
FINA
No, no, no, no, no! We are not friends!
ROSIE
I don’t see any reason why we couldn’t be.
FINA
So, the fact that we’re active competitors means nothing to you here?
ROSIE
What if I bought my competitors… a drink?
FINA
(interested)
That might… help. You still owe me, though.
Chair scoots over.
ROSIE
We can work out details later. In the meantime, I wanna know what happened to your accent.
Chair scoots.
FINA
Well, you called me a hick. You hurt my feelings.
BETTY
Mm, don’t call her a hick.
ROSIE
Ah, I do beg your pardon for that.
FINA
Yeah, we’ll see.
Tavern sounds fade away.
Theme song starts.
OUTRO (4:42):
HANNAH
This bonus episode “Company of Thieves” was written and directed by Hannah Wright with assistant director William Wright. The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Fina is Riley Jones, the voice of Betty is Kaleigh Christopher, and the voice of Rosie is Lucille Valentine.
Fina’s guitar is played by Eli Isbell, our theme song is by Eli McIlveen and our artwork is by Gabrielle Buxman.
Transcripts for this and every episode can be found on our website, thegoblinshead.com.
Find and follow us on Twitter, @inn_between_. Or support us on patreon, patreon.com/thegoblinshead.
Thanks for listening!
Theme song spikes then fades away.
Music ends.
Episode ends.