Our heroes are called to a tavern.
Transcript is below the cut!
HANNAH
Hi, everyone! Hannah here!
Welcome to season 3! I’m so excited to show you what we’ve been working on, but first, we have a patron to thank.
Tessa?
TESSA
Yes, hello, everyone.
We would like to thank Addy Aerylin. She sounds like a member of that band, you know.
HANNAH
Uh, no? What band?
TESSA
The Wild Mages! Very hardcore band of adventurers and musicians.
HANNAH
Hardcore.
TESSA
Oh, no, wait! I’m thinking of Aerilyn Manson.
HANNAH
(pause)
This is the silliest setup yet.
TESSA
If you would like to support the show, go to patreon.com/thegoblinshead!
And now, let’s go to the inn.
Inn Between theme starts.
Inn Between theme spikes then fades away.
Background sounds of a tavern
ROSIE
Uh, hi. I’m supposed to meet someone here?
TESSA
Hello, young lady. Who are you looking for?
ROSIE
Someone named Fina told me to mention her name to you, and said you’d know who I’m here to meet.
TESSA
(unimpressed)
Oh, she would, wouldn’t she? You’re probably looking for those two in the corner there.
ROSIE
The, uh, the two humans? The scrawny one and the pretty one?
TESSA
The same. Good luck, dear.
ROSIE
Thanks!
Footsteps on wood.
MELTYRE
Are they late?
STERLING
We’re still early. They’ll be here.
Footsteps stop.
ROSIE
Excuse me, are you friends of Fina the Bard?
MELTYRE
(relieved, under his breath)
Oh, thank the gods.
STERLING
We are, yes. May I ask your name?
ROSIE
Oh, here. I have this.
Paper rustles.
ROSIE
She said you have a job that needs doing.
STERLING
Is that Fina’s handwriting?
MELTYRE
(hesitant)
I—I don’t know. But she addressed it to the nerd and the Paladon’t, so…
STERLING
(of course she did)
Ah, yes. Good! Have a seat.
ROSIE
Sure.
Chair drags against the floor.
ROSIE
How do you know Fina?
MELTYRE
Ah, ha, that’s a… A long story.
ROSIE
(amused)
Did she con you? It never ceases to amaze me how she ends up on good terms with the people she cons.
STERLING
Uh, no.
(beat)
Did she?
MELTYRE
(hums)
(considering)
Not unless you count the times she was honest for shock value.
ROSIE
(laughs)
Yeah, that… sounds like her. So, what’s the job? She mentioned something about a crew?
STERLING
We should wait to discuss until everyone’s here.
Footsteps approach.
STERLING
Ah! And here’s another! Hello, Knowles.
Footsteps stop.
KNOWLES
Reporting, Captain.
STERLING
Oh, there’s no need for formality here.
ROSIE
Captain? Captain of… what, exactly?
KNOWLES
Captain of the Guard, of course.
Chair rattles as Rosie gets up in a rush.
ROSIE
(quickly, slightly panicked)
Really good to meet you! Buh-bye!
STERLING
What—?
MELTYRE
No, wait—
Rustling of clothes, footsteps, a soft thud.
CASTOR
(grunt)
Hey, careful now! I—oh, oh.
ROSIE
(curt)
Pardon me, but you are standing in my escape route, dwarf!
CASTOR
Sorry, miss. I…
MELTYRE
(pacifying)
Wait, hang on. Just… If Fina’s letter is right, we couldn’t stop you from running no matter what we tried.
ROSIE
That’s nice of her!
(pleased)
And… true. So?
MELTYRE
So, could you wait a minute? We’re not here to trap anyone, I swear. We need your help.
CASTOR
Uhm…
(nervous laugh)
Pardon the interruption, but I was told to ask for Captain Whitetower and Meltyre the Wizard?
STERLING
You found us! Did the monastery send you?
CASTOR
Ah, yes! I am Castor Acroterion.
KNOWLES
(good naturedly)
Ah, a religious babysitter!
CASTOR
No, I’m… not a monk. I’m…
(sigh)
Is this your seat, Miss?
STERLING
Assuming you’re staying, of course.
Considering pause
ROSIE
I’ll stay, for a minute.
Chair scoots.
Slow, soft footsteps.
MELTYRE
Good. Thanks, seriously.
Another chair scoots.
TODE
I believe I am among friends.
STERLING
Yes, mister… gnome?
TODE
I am Tode.
CASTOR
Like… the animal?
TODE
No.
MELTYRE
Oh, right! Velune said you’d be coming!
Door creaks open dramatically.
TODE
They were right, and I am here.
MELTYRE
Great! Then we’re just waiting for one more.
Door slams.
ZARA
(from a distance)
(confrontational)
Hey, one side, I’m late! Meltyre!
Footsteps.
MELTYRE
Oh! Never mind!
Footsteps stops.
ZARA
(casual and a little fond)
It’s been a minute, wiz kid! How ya doing?
Heavy thud as Zara hits Meltyre in the back.
MELTYRE
(coughs)
Ah, good! Good to see you.
CASTOR
(under his breath)
Tiefling.
KNOWLES
Don’t be rude.
The final chair scoots over.
ZARA
Is this… everyone?
STERLING
Yes, and introductions are in order, I—
ZARA
(cutting him off)
I’m Zara. Meltyre is the one who recruited me for… whatever this is gonna be.
KNOWLES
Love your energy, Zara! I’m Knowles, Sergeant Teric Knowles.
STERLING
(proudly)
They are one of my finest guards.
KNOWLES
Oh, you are too kind, sir! What about you, Brother Castor? What’s your story?
CASTOR
(irritated)
I—I told you. I’m… not a monk. I’m just a scholar.
TODE
Ah! Do you study the ways and the patterns of the Universe?
CASTOR
Uh… sort of? I—In books.
TODE
What can a dead tree tell you that a live tree cannot?
CASTOR
Uh. E—Excuse me?
KNOWLES
I… take it you’re a druid, Tode.
TODE
I am! How did you know?
KNOWLES
(with humor)
A guess! Definitely has nothing to do with the twigs in your hair.
ROSIE
(laughs)
What a crew!
ZARA
(reserved)
Well, you’re part of this crew, right?
ROSIE
That… remains to be seen.
(amused)
But this sounds like a riot!
KNOWLES
What’s your name, Miss?
ROSIE
I’m Rosie.
KNOWLES
A drow called Rosie. Love that!
ROSIE
Thanks! I picked it myself!
KNOWLES
Oh, me too! What’s your specialty, Rosie?
ROSIE
Uhm… Let’s call it… material acquisition.
KNOWLES
You’re a merchant?
ROSIE
(pfft, yeah right)
Oh, no. Definitely not.
STERLING
And for those of you who aren’t already aware, I’m Sterling Whitetower, Captain of the Guard, and this is Meltyre, Court Wizard to the Throne.
ZARA
Oh, don’t be modest, handsome.
STERLING
I beg your pardon?
ZARA
You saved the kingdom no less than three times?
ROSIE
So you’re the big ol’ heroes I keep hearing about!
CASTOR
(amazed)
Wow, I’m honestly pretty honored to meet you.
ZARA
It does beg the question, though.
KNOWLES
Oh, what question is that?
ZARA
Why do two famous heroes want to hire… us?
STERLING
Yes. Let’s talk about that, shall we?
MELTYRE
Have you ever heard of a town called Belling?
KNOWLES
Belling?
TODE
Small town, near the cost. Primary exports are tin, salt and ships. Outsized environmental impact because of the mine. Population about four hundred, spread out in a fairly large rural area.
CASTOR
Isn’t that the town with the… blood feud?
KNOWLES
(interested)
Oooh, is it?
STERLING
Yes, the Adrines and the Carriors have been fighting for what seems to be approaching a century.
ROSIE
Woof.
KNOWLES
Bit of a wonder there are any of them left.
MELTYRE
We want you to find out why they are feuding.
CASTOR
I—I—I’m sorry?
ZARA
Why?
STERLING
There is more going on there that meets the eye. Our friends have uncovered something more insidious than just a mundane feud.
MELTYRE
They didn’t know what it was, but they thought it might spread. We want to figure this out before it does.
ZARA
(scoff)
Oh, come on, Meltyre. You’re the genius. You can’t figure it out?
MELTYRE
(distinctly uncomfortable)
I—I am not a genius. And I… can’t leave. I have a job to do now, and my sisters are here, and—
STERLING
(gently cutting him off)
Neither of us can leave the Princess at the moment either. The political situation is still a bit too… tenuous.
MELTYRE
Anyway, whatever it is, we’re pretty sure it’s not regular magic. I’m… not an expert in anything else.
ROSIE
And… we are?
STERLING
Each of you is either an expert in a kind of magic or equipped with other skills to get you there and back safely. You’ll be compensated, of course. A hundred gold to each of you upon completion.
MELTYRE
It’s just a fact-finding mission.
STERLING
Can we count on you?
A brief pause.
TODE
I should like to discuss this with these new allies.
MELTYRE
I… guess that’s fair.
Chairs scooting.
STERLING
Of course. We’ll be there at the bar.
Footsteps going away.
Awkward pause of strangers waiting for the other to speak.
CASTOR
Do you mean to discuss, then? Or…?
TODE
Oh. I mean to go.
ZARA
Then, why…?
TODE
I thought you might.
KNOWLES
Just so you’re all aware, I’m going, too. I volunteered for this mission and I mean to finish it. I’m here to protect you.
ZARA
(sarcastic)
So gallant.
KNOWLES
A little bit. Do you like a person in uniform, Zara?
ZARA
(scoff)
Hate ‘em. But I’m sure you’ve got your job to do.
KNOWLES
All in a day’s work. I didn’t realize I’d be looking after experts, though.
ZARA
You better believe it.
CASTOR
I know a thing or two.
TODE
You need only open your mind to the wisdom of the Earth.
CASTOR
So… what do you think it says that they hired two experts in demonology?
A small pause.
ZARA
(offended scoff)
Excuse me?
CASTOR
Well… that’s what I am. At least, I’ve studied demonology for years. And…uh… uhm. Well. Well, you’re…
ZARA
A tiefling.
(dry)
Nice.
CASTOR
Look, I—I’m sorry. I just assumed…
KNOWLES
That would be the problem there, Castor.
ZARA
(cuttingly)
I don’t know jack about demonology, dwarf, alright? My parents were both human. This just happened to me.
CASTOR
(anxious)
I’m… I’m… really sorry.
KNOWLES
What is your expertise then, Zara?
ZARA
I got booted from the Order of the Greenish Fire for practicing Wild Magic.
ROSIE
(definitely interested)
A sorceress.
ZARA
Is there a problem?
ROSIE
No, not with me.
CASTOR
Well, what about you? What are… you an expert in?
ROSIE
Uhm… I think I fall into the “other skills” category. This is a fact-finding mission, yeah?
KNOWLES
So it seems.
ROSIE
You experts aren’t exactly…
(looking for words)
Subtle? You’ll need someone to talk you into places, sneak around, get you what you need. I can’t help with that!
TODE
Ah, so you’re a—
ROSIE
(hushed and quick, overlapping)
Not so loud!
TODE
(without pause)
Diplomat.
ROSIE
Oh. Yes.
(let’s go with that)
Sure.
TODE
I see now. For I know all about the wild things and places, the creatures that make up this beautiful world. We have a range of lived experience, friends!
KNOWLES
So… what then? Soldier, druid, demonologist, sorceress, spy?
TODE
(pleasant)
We are like oysters in a tree.
CASTOR
I—I beg your…?
TODE
Just a bit out of place.
CASTOR
(nervous chuckle)
(bewildered)
A bit?
ZARA
Listen, this is fun and all, but I think it’s time to decide if we’re doing this or not. Tode’s in. Knowles is in. Who else?
CASTOR
Are you?
ZARA
Are you?
CASTOR
Uh… yeah. Probably? It sounds interesting.
ROSIE
Hah, yeah. What’s more fun than a blood feud?
CASTOR
(lowly)
I… I just want to be helpful.
ZARA
Then I’ll go too. I trust Meltyre.
KNOWLES
I trust my Captain. And Rosie?
ROSIE
Well… my friend Fina sent me to them, so… I guess I trust that we’ll get paid.
TODE
One hundred gold for a fact-finding mission is nothing to sneeze at.
KNOWLES
I’d have thought you’d be above such things there, Tode.
TODE
I find my uses for material wealth. It’s… harder to survive a rainy day outdoors.
ROSIE
Cheers to that!
ZARA
I guess we’re off to Belling, then.
ROSIE
You know! I think this is going to be fun!
(excitedly)
Do you all like travel games?
KNOWLES
Oooh, I do!
CASTOR
(hesitant)
What… kind of travel games?
ROSIE
I’ve got a million of ‘em.
ZARA
(flatly)
Oh, joy.
Chair squeak.
CASTOR
Uh, I’ll go tell the heroes that we’re ready, I guess.
KNOWLES
That’s a dear!
TODE
And so, the road stretches before us like a…
(fumbles)
Thing… that is stretched.
CASTOR
I’m… sorry?
TODE
They can’t all be winners.
ROSIE
(giggles)
Here we go.
Tavern sounds fade.
Inn Between theme starts under dialogue.
TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between.
KNOWLES
It’s a long way to Belling, so it’ll pay to be prepared.
ROSIE
And we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other!
ZARA
Yeah, right…
HANNAH
This episode, “The Crew”, was written and directed by Hannah Wright with assistant director William Wright. The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Rosie is Lucille Valentine. The voice of Knowles is JV Hampton-VanSant. The voice of Castor is Caleb Del Rio. The voice of Tode is Anthony Morales. The voice of Zara is Quin Leigh.
This episode featured the voices of our old friends, Marquis Dijon Archuleta as Sterling and Austin Mowat as Meltyre. The voice of Tessa is Hannah Wright.
Our theme song is by Eli Hamada McIlveen and our artwork is by Gabrielle Buxman. Our transcriber is Ria Couoh.
Transcripts for this and every episode can be found on our website, thegoblinshead.com.
Find and follow us on Twitter, @inn_between_. Or support us on patreon, patreon.com/thegoblinshead.
If you like the show, call up your old crew for one last job! Or leave us a review!
Thanks for listening!
Music ends.
Wooden walls creak and settle.
TESSA
Oh, you’ve found a new bunch of heroes to follow, have you? Gods forbid you move after I’ve done the grocery shopping.
I hope these ones are a little less rambunctious.
Episode ends.