Our heroes must handle an unpredictable foe.
Transcript is below the cut!
Transcript provided by Ria Couoh.
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INTRO (00:00):
HANNAH
Hello, everyone, Hannah here with an announcement and a content warning.
TESSA
Let’s do the announcement first, I’m very excited.
HANNAH
I am, too!
I’m happy to announce the launch of our TeePublic store. Have you ever wanted a mug from wizard college? Maybe you just want a sticker that proclaims that you’re unusual, but you like the sunshine too much to be any different.
TESSA
All of those things can be yours.
HANNAH
Just go to the link in our description and check out what we’ve got!
Or go to thegoblinshead.com and follow the link that we’ve set up there. I think you’re really going to like what these artists came up with.
TESSA
Now, what was that about the episode?
HANNAH
Ah, yes, the content warning.
This episode contains, and I’m not really sure how else to warn for this, veterinary medicine.
TESSA
You mean to say there’s an animal who is in distress?
HANNAH
Yes, briefly. He gets better. If you’d like to know more about this episode, you can check out the transcript at thegoblinshead.com/listen. Please take care of yourselves.
TESSA
And now, let’s go to the inn.
TESSA
Previously on Inn Between…
Inn Between theme plays in the background.
CASTOR
How much farther to Belling?
TODE
Not long now, there’s a bit more forest to pass through.
ROSIE
There’s a lot of things alive in this forest.
TODE
Oh, yes. Not the least of which is…
Leaves rustle.
TODE
Wait.
KNOWLES
What is that?
Inn Between theme fades away.
A door creaks open.
Background noise of tavern.
Several pairs of footsteps.
KNOWLES
What are you doing?
TODE
Bringing him into the light.
KNOWLES
(scandalized)
That is a wild animal!
TODE
(patiently)
Yes, and he should be treated with utmost respect as such. But he also has a broken leg, and my eyes aren’t what they used to be.
Raccoon chitters.
Chairs scooting.
CASTOR
Is he going to be okay?
TODE
He ought to be. I’ll reset the bone and then we’ll see if we can get him to enjoy some berries.
ROSIE
(carefully)
Knowles, you can sit down.
KNOWLES
(loudly)
I’m not sharing a table with that thing!
ROSIE
What did this garbage cat ever do to you?
ZARA
It’s called a raccoon?
ROSIE
I know it’s called a raccoon!
ZARA
(cooing)
And it’s sweet.
(normally)
You’ll be fine.
KNOWLES
(increasingly high-pitched)
Sweet? It’s got hands! Like people do!
ROSIE
(cooing)
All the better to be the best garbage cat it can be!
Raccoon chitters and coos.
TODE
His name is Beetle Guts if anyone is interested in that.
CASTOR
(mystified)
Beetle Guts?
TODE
Named after his father and a delicious meal!
ROSIE
Ooh, now I’m hungry.
CASTOR
(unsettled)
For… beetle guts?
ROSIE
I knew I felt a kinship to this little guy!
ZARA
You’re both fine thieves!
ROSIE
Thank you, Zara!
Raccoon growls.
TODE
Oh, Beetle Guts, I agree completely.
CASTOR
Agree about… what?
TODE
Nothing that would concern you. I will need a hand holding Beetle Guts as I set his leg.
KNOWLES
(dubious)
What… for?
TODE
He does not want me to do it. Knowles, you’re the strongest of us five, I’d say.
KNOWLES
(nope)
I’m not touching that thing.
ZARA
What is your problem with animals?
KNOWLES
What are you talking about “what’s my problem?”
ROSIE
You were weird about the bear, too.
KNOWLES
(emphatically)
I’ve told you; I’ve always lived in the city!
TODE
Surely there are animals, even in the city.
KNOWLES
Maybe there used to be, but in my part of town, they were pretty much all eaten when the times were rough!
CASTOR
(mildly disgusted)
Even the rats?
KNOWLES
Good eating on a rat!
ROSIE
Ew.
KNOWLES
(disbelieving)
Seriously? From you?
ROSIE
What?
ZARA
You’re not eating this one.
KNOWLES
(appalled)
I don’t want to! I don’t even want to touch him!
TODE
Castor, then?
CASTOR
(dubious noise)
It’s… I—It’s just that those little claws look… kinda sharp?
TODE
Well, how else is he to forage for his supper?
ZARA
Oh, my gods. Here.
Racoon growling aggressively.
ZARA
(soothingly)
It’s okay, it’ll all be over quick. Tode?
TODE
Mhmm. Ready?
ZARA
Ready.
Racoon loudly growls some more.
ZARA
(reassuring tone)
It’s okay. It’s alright. Berries?
TODE
Yes. Here.
ZARA
(reassuring tone continues)
Come on, buddy. Here.
Racoon chitters.
ZARA
There you go.
KNOWLES
Horrifying. Thank you.
TODE
(pleased)
He will be alright.
Racoon warble.
ROSIE
That was awfully… gentle there, Zara.
ZARA
Ugh.
ROSIE
Some might even say nice.
ZARA
Some might not recognize that animals, unlike people, are good.
KNOWLES
Animals aren’t good or bad, they just are.
CASTOR
Unlike people?
ZARA
(overlapping)
Animals are better than people.
KNOWLES
(overlapping)
No, people are like that too.
Brief racoon chitter.
TODE
Oh, you’re right. Do explain, friends.
KNOWLES
Well, it’s like you say, Tode. Everything just wants to survive. I think people and animals all just do what they have to, to look out for them and theirs.
ZARA
(scoff)
Please. You don’t see animals going out of their way to treat members of their own kind with deliberate and unfounded cruelty.
KNOWLES
Speaking from experience, are we?
ROSIE
(uncomfortable)
Uh. Ouch.
ZARA
(slightly defensive)
I haven’t done anything to other people that hasn’t been done to me tenfold. And if people are naturally inclined to evil, then I must include myself.
ROSIE
You’re not evil.
ZARA
(scornful laugh)
ROSIE
No, you’re not. I don’t think anyone is, really. You know, deep down. Ultimately, people want to be good.
ZARA
(derisive)
Do you find comfort in believing that?
ROSIE
(softly)
It’s the only think that makes sense to me.
ZARA
Then what about all the suffering in the world, hm? What about all the ways people make the world hell for each other?
TODE
Fascinating.
KNOWLES
(curiously)
Where are you in all this, Tode?
TODE
(calmly)
Previously, I would say I agree with you, Knowles. But, it occurs to me that I have seen neither the worst nor the best of people. I have hardly seen people at all. My knowledge is incomplete.
ZARA
How novel! Someone admitting they don’t know something!
TODE
Is ignorance so rare a gift?
CASTOR
Disclosing ignorance is.
ZARA
(pointedly)
Scholars being classically so good at that.
CASTOR
(slowly)
I do… try not to speak on matters in which I have no knowledge.
ROSIE
What about this matter?
CASTOR
(confused)
What about this matter?
ROSIE
You know all about demons and evil. What do you think?
CASTOR
(long sigh)
I… think it’s the wrong question. The inclination of our natures toward good or evil or simple survival, that’s… far less important than the question of whether our natures trap us. Can we truly escape what comes most easily to us? Or are we fated to follow our natures wherever they may lead?
ZARA
(snorts)
(disdainful)
You don’t believe in fate, do you?
CASTOR
(sincerely)
I do in the same way one believes in… a boogeyman. I sincerely hope it doesn’t exist. I have to believe that I can choose; I have to believe that… the things I do matter not because I’m inclined to do good but… because I decide to do good.
(loses steam as he goes along)
I have to believe that I can reinvent myself day to day, moment to moment, because… if I cannot, then… I am… trapped by my fate… without hope of escape.
ROSIE
Having to choose to do the right thing over and over?
(sigh)
That sounds exhausting.
CASTOR
It is, at first, but the alternative is to give in to the whims of your own nature. And…
(small, self-derisive laugh)
I don’t trust my nature, do you?
(softly)
But you do get better at the things you practice.
ZARA
What about when there is no choice? When the only option is… wrong?
CASTOR
Sometimes your choices are limited. Often by, as you said, people making the world hell for each other. But… the choice to do the most good possible in the moment is always there.
KNOWLES
But you have to look out for yourself eventually. Not everyone can be a martyr. The world doesn’t function like that.
CASTOR
(thoughtfully)
True. And… part of doing good is recognizing and preserving your own value, but… that can’t be the whole of it. You’re no more valuable than the next person and… acting otherwise means that eventually, inevitably, you will harm someone.
TODE
You’ve thought about this quite a lot.
CASTOR
(seriously)
Yes. Constantly.
A pause.
Raccoon warbles loudly.
TODE
Ah, yes, of course. Zara, Beetle Guts asks that you release him.
ZARA
(sheepish)
Oh. Sorry.
(beat)
I just apologized to a raccoon.
Raccoon growls and hisses.
TODE
He thanks you all for the interesting philosophical discussion, which he looks forward to conveying to his friends and family. All of whom he will now see thanks to our help.
(warmly)
You are most welcome, Beetle Guts.
KNOWLES
Philosophical…
(bewildered)
He could understand us?
TODE
(proudly)
Oh yes! Every word. Raccoons are quite intelligent. Castor, if you could get the window?
CASTOR
Uhm… sure.
Windows open.
Outside noises, brief cricket chirping.
A little chitter from the raccoon. A goodbye.
Window closes.
A pause.
ROSIE
Are raccoons just… goblins with fur and tails?
KNOWLES
That’s what their little hands remind me of! Goblins! It’s terrifying!
A pause.
ROSIE
(carefully)
You don’t really think you’re all evil, do you?
ZARA
Everyone else seems to think so.
(skeptical)
You don’t really think you’re all good, do you?
ROSIE
(playfully)
Everyone else seems to think so.
ZARA
(small snort)
KNOWLES
I’m starved. Who’s hungry?
General noises of agreement from the party.
ROSIE
Always.
KNOWLES
Let’s eat.
(calling out)
Hey, Tessa?
Background noise fades away.
OUTRO:
Inn Between theme plays in the background.
TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between…
ZARA
Ultimately, most of the time, education comes back to money.
RAIST
Who among mortals can match us for magical mayhem?
WIZARD
Not a soul, Raist!
ZARA
You wanna bet?
KNOWLES
Oh, this should be good.
CREDITS:
HANNAH
This episode, “The Beast”, was written and directed by Hannah Wright with assistant director William Wright. The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Castor is Caleb Del Rio. The voice of Zara is Quin Leigh. The voice of Tode is Anthony Morales. The voice of Rosie is Lucille Valentine. The voice of Knowles is JV Hampton-VanSant.
Our theme song is by Eli Hamada McIlveen and our artwork is by Gabrielle Buxman. Our transcriber is Ria Couoh.
Transcripts for this and every episode can be found on our website, thegoblinshead.com.
Find and follow us on Twitter, @inn_between_. Or support us on patreon, at patreon.com/thegoblinshead.
If you like the show, have a deep philosophical conversation with some local wildlife. Or leave us a review.
Thanks for listening!
Music ends.
POST-CREDITS:
Background noise of a tavern.
TESSA
You brought a what into my inn?
KNOWLES
A furry goblin.
ZARA
It was just a raccoon.
TESSA
Goblins, I can handle, but wild animals… Tode! Tode! This is unsanitary, Tode!
Background noise fades away.
EPISODE ENDS.