Our heroes get lucky.
Transcript is below the cut!
Transcript provided by Ria Couoh.
**************
(00:00) INTRO:
(00:00) PREVIOUSLY ON…
TESSA
Previously on Inn Between…
Inn Between theme plays in the background.
TODE
Our fortunes have been better on the whole since we defeated the demon.
ZARA
And how long is that going to last?
ROSIE
Will Knowles even be able to tell when it does?
A gust of wind and rainfall.
KNOWLES
If one more thing goes weird today, I am going to—
Croaking and jumping of frogs.
ZARA
Spoke too soon!
Inn Between theme fades.
(01:01) THE LUCK REDUX.
Background sounds of a tavern.
SADIYAH
Welcome, everyone! How are we feeling?
ZARA
We’ve been better.
KNOWLES
(darkly)
A rain of frogs.
TODE
Various amphibians. Mostly toads, but I did see a salamander or two!
KNOWLES
(sarcastic)
Oh, sorry, right.
(emphatically, getting louder as they go on)
We want to be accurate about what kind of swamp denizens were raining down on us from the sky!
CASTOR
Things like that do happen.
KNOWLES
I know, but would you care to know the odds?
ROSIE
(appeasing)
I doubt it would make any of us feel better.
TODE
(sincerely)
At least the toads weren’t harmed.
SADIYAH
My, my, we’ve had a busy day. Your usual drinks?
ROSIE
Yes, please, Sadiyah, thank you.
SADIYAH
Of course.
Footsteps walking away.
KNOWLES
I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
ROSIE
(warmly)
Hey, you’re doing a great job.
CASTOR
At least we weren’t in the thick of it.
TODE
Trust me, a true swarm with malice aforethought is not a pleasant experience.
KNOWLES
(disgusted)
Ugh. Noted.
ZARA
(dryly)
None of us are dead yet!
ROSIE
It feels like jinxing it to say “yet.”
ZARA
I don’t believe in jinxing things without magic. I barely believe in luck.
KNOWLES
(exhausted)
Yeah, well… luck believes in you!
Footsteps coming back.
CASTOR
Isn’t the existence of the Gem definitive proof of the concept of luck?
Footsteps stop.
SADIYAH
Drinks, everyone.
Glasses clink.
KNOWLES
Uh, thanks.
TODE
(overlapping)
Thank you very much.
ROSIE
(overlapping)
Thank you!
SADIYAH
Anything else I can get?
KNOWLES
The certainty of knowing what comes next?
SADIYAH
(laughs)
(with knowing humor)
Oh, Teric, no one can promise that.
Footsteps leaving.
KNOWLES
Wait a minute.
Footsteps stop.
SADIYAH
Hm?
KNOWLES
Why did you call me Teric?
SADIYAH
Mm, that’s your name, isn’t it?
KNOWLES
It is. But…
(dubiously)
When have I ever mentioned it to you?
SADIYAH
Must have come up… when you first introduced yourself.
KNOWLES
(firmly)
I don’t think so.
ROSIE
(under her breath)
Knowles, let her do her job.
KNOWLES
In fact, no one calls me Teric anymore. Do I know you?
SADIYAH
In a way.
ROSIE
(befuddled)
Um?
Chair scratches against the floor.
KNOWLES
(grave)
What’s that supposed to mean?
SADIYAH
(serious)
It means, Teric, that you’ve known me all your life. You might know me better than any mortal alive.
You rival Yvar, that’s for certain.
CASTOR
(anxiously)
Mortals?
KNOWLES
I’m ready for you to stop speaking in riddles.
SADIYAH
Riddles aren’t my specialty. I haven’t said a single thing that wasn’t true.
KNOWLES
Then what do you mean “I rival Yvar?”
SADIYAH
Her skill fell on the magic side of things, of course, but, when it comes to chance…
(amused)
Well, who knows more than you do?
ZARA
(with dawning realization)
So… So, wait… That means—
Heavy thud as Knowles sits back down.
ROSIE
(panicked)
Knowles? You okay?
KNOWLES
Oh my gods.
SADIYAH
(pleased)
Very close. Try the singular.
KNOWLES
(in shock)
Oh… my gods!
TODE
I don’t understand.
ZARA
She’s Lady Luck.
SADIYAH
(chuckles)
Of all my names, I think I like that one the best!
A pause.
ROSIE
What… What are you doing… here? Disguised as a barmaid!
SADIYAH
This isn’t a disguise. I’m really a barmaid.
ZARA
(darkly)
Why here?
SADIYAH
Wouldn’t you know it? Dear Miss Tessa twisted her ankle. Freak accident!
KNOWLES
(suspicious)
That happen a lot around you?
SADIYAH
(offended)
I beg your pardon?
KNOWLES
What did you do to us? What are you doing to us?
SADIYAH
Oh, there’s gratitude for you.
I only saved your lives.
ROSIE
(hesitant)
You’re the reason we beat the demon?
SADIYAH
For a day, you were very lucky. And the Gray One? Was not.
KNOWLES
Why?
SADIYAH
Always right to the point with you. No “thank you?”
ROSIE
(hurriedly)
O—Oh! Don’t misunderstand, we’re absolutely grateful to be… alive.
CASTOR
Maybe, uh, we shouldn’t lose sight of who we’re talking to here?
KNOWLES
(firmly)
Why?
SADIYAH
Because… I want you all to do something for me.
ZARA
(simply)
Uh, no
CASTOR
Uh— Zara!
ZARA
(annoyed)
Don’t “Zara” me!
(to Sadiyah)
You’re not my patron or my god.
SADIYAH
Oh, but I am! There isn’t a single mortal alive who isn’t subject to me.
ZARA
(annoyed)
I don’t even really believe in luck.
SADIYAH
Because you think you’d have had some at this point?
A pause.
KNOWLES
What is it you want us to do?
SADIYAH
You’re already on the right track. The Gem of Fortune?
ROSIE
You want us to go after it.
SADIYAH
(grimly)
I want you to destroy it.
CASTOR
Oh.
SADIYAH
Wretched thing! It completely upends my week every time it gets loose!
TODE
You must of course speak in understatement. The stories told about Yvar are… epic in scale.
SADIYAH
No.
Every terrible thing that happened to her happened in a week. It takes only a moment with that ridiculous rock to ruin both your life and the course of fate for everyone you know.
(irritated)
And then Fate gets very cross with me and, frankly, I only have so much time to argue with her!
CASTOR
You mean the Gem actually interferes with you?
SADIYAH
People always think they can control their luck. This is the only case in which they’re right.
ZARA
(scornful)
And you don’t like giving up control.
SADIYAH
(disbelieving laugh)
Are you joking?
It’s like giving a crossbow to a baby! You mortals can barely see what’s in front of you.
You have absolutely no idea the breadth of your decisions! Even an ordinary choice affects everything, far past what you can understand.
And you think some simple changes to your fortunes go unnoticed? You think you can play games with luck without obliterating your lives, the lives of everyone you love! But, sure! Wrest control from me.
CASTOR
(exasperated)
Can you stop picking fights with a god, Zara?
ROSIE
(softly)
You can’t make us do this.
SADIYAH
Oh?
ROSIE
It’s not fair.
SADIYAH
(laughs)
You think the gods are fair?
ROSIE
Um… yeah?
SADIYAH
Who’s the fairest one, do you suppose? St. Cuthbert, god of justice?
CASTOR
Uh… Probably?
SADIYAH
Sure.
So… just as an example:
Say that you’re a paladin of his. Say, you have a secret, one that in the telling will destroy you. As well as someone you love?
ZARA
(aggravated)
Is this going anywhere?
SADIYAH
Patience, dear.
Say that keeping that secret keeps you safe, but St. Cuthbert looks at your silence and sees only unspoken truth, and he withholds magic from you.
(pointedly)
Is that fair?
CASTOR
St. Cuthbert wouldn’t do that though.
SADIYAH
Yes, he would and he has!
The only fair ones among us… are gods of death, which comes for you all.
(disbelieving laugh)
Imagine expecting the goddess of chance to be fair.
ZARA
Why do you need us? Why can’t you go get it?
SADIYAH
I can’t go within a mile of that thing.
CASTOR
But you’re a god.
SADIYAH
What? Did you expect me to be all-powerful and fair?
Even looking at the gem would be like sucking down poison. It’s the antithesis of everything I am made materially manifest. That’s why it’s lucky I have you.
KNOWLES
But we have the right to refuse.
SADIYAH
I’m not a dictator.
TODE
I am not inclined to agree to this quest, then.
SADIYAH
No? You don’t want to get to know your sister better?
TODE
Oh, well…
(uneasy)
Well…
ROSIE
Okay, first of all? That’s extremely manipulative! Secondly, there’s no way you can expect us to even go near that gem.
SADIYAH
No? The thought of a heist doesn’t appeal to you?
ROSIE
I—
(beat)
(offended)
Okay, rude.
ZARA
This is stupid. You can’t change our minds.
SADIYAH
I don’t intend to. I thought it was you who wanted to be legendary.
CASTOR
You set all of this up?
SADIYAH
I did. Just for you. Think of the research potential.
CASTOR
(affronted)
No! No! I am done with that! I’m not going to walk face-first into danger when I should know better! Not again.
SADIYAH
Well, then what on earth is all your magic for?
CASTOR
What do you know about that?
SADIYAH
(plainly)
You have a horseshoe on your forehead, dear.
CASTOR
(sputtering, haltingly)
But…! But I… You!
SADIYAH
Me! Can’t have you walking into the Glacial Caverns without any magic now, can we? You can learn without fear.
CASTOR
No—! Wait, wait! But…
(panicked)
The things the Gray One promised, the things he said he would do!
SADIYAH
He’s dead, Castor.
How is he supposed to keep up his end of the bargain?
CASTOR
(softly, nervously)
So, does that mean…?
SADIYAH
All it means is that you’re no longer paying… protection money to a gangster.
(whispers)
Relax.
CASTOR
You’re not going to do what he promised to do?
SADIYAH
Fortune doesn’t strike deals, Castor. Think of this as…serendipity.
A pause.
SADIYAH
Teric?
KNOWLES
(unimpressed)
What, no coaxing for me? You’re not going to try to dazzle me with temptations?
SADIYAH
I don’t need to. You’ll go where they go. You’re here to look after them.
A pause.
SADIYAH
I’ll give you all a moment to think on it, shall I?
Footsteps walking away.
KNOWLES
Wait.
Footsteps stops.
SADIYAH
Yes, Teric?
KNOWLES
(softly)
Why are we all twins?
SADIYAH
Oh, that.
(amused)
I just thought it’d be funny.
(chuckles)
Footsteps walking away.
A pause.
ZARA
Well… I suppose we have our answers now.
TODE
That… we do.
ZARA
Every last one of them.
ROSIE
I don’t like being manipulated like this.
KNOWLES
(dully)
None of us do.
CASTOR
Can patrons just… just choose someone like that? Just pick up some random person and decide to be their patron?
ZARA
You’d know better than us.
CASTOR
Demons follow rules, you have to make a deal with them.
TODE
I imagine gods follow rules as well, just a different set.
ROSIE
We can’t go, right?
CASTOR
(tiredly)
We were going to anyway.
ROSIE
For answers. Which… we now have!
(losing courage as she goes)
Just because some goddess shows up and tells you she orchestrated some ridiculous quest doesn’t mean we have to do it!
CASTOR
Doesn’t it though?
ZARA
You think she’s going to stop playing games with us just because we said no?
TODE
She did say we have the right to refuse.
ZARA
She’s Lady Luck! I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have to keep any promises she doesn’t want to.
KNOWLES
No… No. Even chance follows rules. They’re harder to parse, but they’re still there. If she says she’ll leave us alone, she will.
TODE
But what if it’s my sister who finds the Gem?
ROSIE
Tode…
TODE
Yvar ruined her life and the lives of everyone she loved in a week’s time.
ZARA
So, you’re saying it might affect you?
TODE
I’m… less concerned about me and more about her and her… and our family. Our father. Her friends. I do not wish to lose my sister so soon after finding her.
CASTOR
(quietly horrified)
Oh, gods.
ROSIE
(gently)
There are plenty of people going after the gem. Your sister might not get there first.
TODE
I don’t believe I’m willing to take that risk.
CASTOR
And even if it’s not Cybilene, someone’s going to get there first and ruin their life.
ZARA
(disbelieving)
Unless we do?
CASTOR
Who else?
ROSIE
I know you just don’t want to be told what to do, Zara.
ZARA
Oh? And how do you know that?
ROSIE
(frustrated, loudly)
Because I feel exactly the same way, okay? I hate being… controlled like this!
ZARA
But?
ROSIE
There’s no “but!” I hate this! I don’t live the way I live because I enjoy being told what to do, okay?
CASTOR
So, you’ll refuse a goddess?
ROSIE
I—I didn’t say I was refusing! Just that I am… so not about being forced into a corner like this.
ZARA
(incredulous)
But you’re considering it? Because you want the heist?
ROSIE
(crossly)
Because you want to be legendary? What’s that about?
ZARA
No. She doesn’t understand what I want, and I don’t expect you to get it either!
KNOWLES
We’re not being forced, alright? This isn’t… coercion.
TODE
(sigh)
All those things she offered us, though.
KNOWLES
At worst, a bribe. If we do this thing for her, we can be guaranteed that she’s not exactly a great boss, but… we’re not being forced to do this.
CASTOR
You might be.
KNOWLES
What do you mean?
CASTOR
If we decide to go… If even one of us decides to go, you’ll go too. Out of duty.
KNOWLES
Ah.
(beat)
Your point is taken, Castor. But… duty is a choice too.
CASTOR
If duty didn’t matter. If we weren’t an issue… Would you go? Would you destroy the Gem?
A pause.
KNOWLES
(slowly, thoughtfully)
The only thing I can think about is… what I would do if we went back today, and then later I heard about this… mythic level cataclysm that happened somewhere out by the Glacial Caverns.
And considering that so many people are going after it now, it probably wouldn’t be the end of the story.
Things would just… keep happening. People would keep trying to manipulate their luck.
ROSIE
Knowles…
(beat)
(softly)
I don’t want to go if it means you’re going against your will.
CASTOR
Oh, I’m with her! Definitely. I don’t want you to have to choose between your life and your duty.
TODE
I might go with Cybilene, if she’d have me, but only if the rest of you decided not to. That way… you wouldn’t have to worry about me, Knowles.
A pause.
KNOWLES
Where does that leave you, Zara?
ZARA
(beat)
If she wants us, she’ll get all of us… or none of us. At least if she has the satisfaction of winning, we’ll all be on the receiving end together.
A pause.
KNOWLES
Hey, Sadiyah?
Footsteps approaching.
SADIYAH
Yes?
KNOWLES
Is that what you want to be called? Sadiyah?
SADIYAH
For now. Wouldn’t want to blow my cover too soon! Have you come to a decision?
KNOWLES
There’s something we have to clear up first. Have you been messing with our luck since Belling?
SADIYAH
What do you mean?
KNOWLES
The rain of frogs today. Was that you?
SADIYAH
Not… directly.
KNOWLES
What does that mean?
SADIYAH
Well, it happened because a brief waterspout took the contents of a small swamp up into the atmosphere and then rained them back down again on you.
(reciting quickly)
The waterspout was caused by a fierce squall combined with some interesting mountain geography. The squall was a redirected rainstorm that would have come down heavily on the canyon you were passing through yesterday.
The canyon walls would have collapsed under the weight of the rain and buried you in a landslide… were it not for a lucky southern wind.
KNOWLES
So… So, you are changing our luck.
SADIYAH
I can’t have you dying on the way.
KNOWLES
If we’re going to do this for you, you have to stop.
ROSIE
Knowles!
CASTOR
Uh—! Let’s not be hasty now!
KNOWLES
You chose me because I know you.
I know how things are supposed to happen. If there were rain in the canyon, I would have known to look for landslides.
TODE
I might have been able to stop it.
KNOWLES
There, see? I can’t function like I’m meant to, like you apparently want me to, if you keep tampering with our luck.
SADIYAH
(frigidly)
You can still fight.
KNOWLES
I’m a much better gambler than I am a fighter.
SADIYAH
Most would call you a fool for asking this, Teric.
KNOWLES
(annoyed)
Can we do this on our own merits or not? And if we can’t… why did you even choose us?
A pause.
SADIYAH
Very well, I leave your fortunes functioning without assistance, and you’ll destroy the gem?
CASTOR
Knowles?
KNOWLES
Yes.
ROSIE
Yes, then.
TODE
Yes.
ZARA
Fine.
CASTOR
Together.
SADIYAH
My heroes.
Can I get you something? Teric, you look a bit peaky.
KNOWLES
(sharply)
Can you stop calling me Teric?
SADIYAH
(disappointed)
Oh, very well. I’ll leave you to your drinks. I’m sure you have planning to do.
Footsteps walking away.
ROSIE
That name, is it…? Uhm…
KNOWLES
Oh, no. Teric isn’t a deadname, it’s just… No one calls me that anymore. It’s… overly familiar.
ZARA
Nervy thing for her to do, then.
CASTOR
She’s a goddess.
ZARA
(snorts without humor)
Yeah.
A pause.
ROSIE
What have we gotten ourselves into?
Background sounds of tavern fade away.
(19:35) OUTRO:
(19:36) NEXT TIME ON…
Inn Between theme plays in the background.
TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between…
TODE
Between Cybilene’s friends and the other parties after the Gem, we have no shortage of friendly competition.
ROSIE
There’s nothing friendly about this competition, Tode.
KILLIKER
Attention! Attention! Esteemed patrons of the Goblin’s Head!
ZARA
Is that a bard?
(19:59) CREDITS:
HANNAH
This episode, “The Luck Redux”, was written and directed by Hannah Wright with assistant director William Wright. The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Castor is Caleb Del Rio. The voice of Zara is Quin Leigh. The voice of Tode is Anthony Morales. The voice of Rosie is Lucille Valentine. The voice of Knowles is JV Hampton-VanSant. The voice of Sadiyah, Lady Luck, is Arrianna Abraham.
Our theme song is by Eli Hamada McIlveen and our artwork is by Gabrielle Buxman. Our transcriber is Ria Couoh.
Transcripts for this and every episode can be found on our website, thegoblinshead.com.
Find and follow us on Twitter, @inn_between_. Or support us on Patreon, at patreon.com/thegoblinshead.
If you like the show, accidentally become the warlock of a capricious goddess of fortune! Or leave us a review.
Thanks for listening!
Music ends.
HANNAH
This story was created in the traditional territory of the Arapaho, Cheyenne, and Ute peoples, and edited in the unceded territory of the Salish, Kootenai, and Kalispel peoples.
(21:02) POST-CREDITS:
Background sounds of tavern.
TESSA
Glad to see you’re making friends with the Inn’s current favorite heroes.
SADIYAH
(with forced cheer)
Yes! Friends. Of course.
The Inn’s wooden walls creak for a long moment.
SADIYAH
(annoyed)
Oh, hush.
Background sounds of tavern fade away.
EPISODE ENDS.