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5.2: The Party Fund

The Lowlifes talk money.

Transcript is below the cut!

Downloadable PDF Transcript

Transcript provided by Ria Couoh.
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(00:00) INTRO:

HANNAH
Hi, everyone! Hannah, here.
Stick around after the show to hear a trailer for a podcast we’re obsessed with!
Counterbalance is the story of a professor on a mission to fix the fabric of magic, a demon spirit who is her unwilling assistant, and a girl from our world who is definitely not dressed for this weather. And then they become best friends!
(laughing)
Maybe that’s an exaggeration!
(chuckles)
Go with them as they try to throw the world back into balance on a high fantasy quest! That’s Counterbalance, all one word, from Trilunis.
In the meantime, let’s go to the Inn!

(00:30): PREVIOUSLY ON…

TESSA
Previously on Inn Between…

Inn Between theme plays in the background.

PHOEBE
We’re after Idris’ Staff of Storms?

MAX
The way there won’t be dangerous.

YAK
Gnoll archers!

Rapid fire arrow shots.

RUKES
(out of breath)
We can make quick work of them.

Arrow zooms. Two heavy thuds as gravel crunches under the weight.

PHOEBE
Yak…?

Inn Between theme fades.

(01:31) THE PARTY FUND.

Background sounds of a tavern.

YAK
(dismissive, good-humored)
It’s nothing. It’s a tiny sprain.

LARKIN
On your sword arm.

YAK
I’m ambidextrous! I have two!

MAX
How have I never noticed that about you?

YAK
(dryly)
Chronic self-focus?

MAX
(amused)
You wound me.

RUKES
Is it worth healing?

YAK
I’ll take what you’ve got.

RUKES
Have a little potion then.

LARKIN
Potion?

RUKES
Do your horns affect your hearing?

Soft pop as bottle is uncorked.

RUKES
Here.

LARKIN
(pointedly)
And why wouldn’t you use a spell?

RUKES
(matter-of-factly)
And waste my energy on a tiny sprain? Why bother?

LARKIN
But we’re in for a break, and potions are a non-renewable resource.

RUKES
(with a faux, cheery lilt)
Much like my patience!

MAX
Look, Larkin. I know you learned folks like to think you’re smart in every respect, but why don’t we let the healer make the healing decisions?

YAK
Not that you’d know about being a know-it-all.

MAX
(tickled)
Take it from someone who knows!

Echoey, crystal-like clinks of healing magic.

YAK
(satisfied sigh)
Thank you, Rukes.
And now a business matter.

MAX
(pained)
Agh. Good. This again.

LARKIN
What business matter?

MAX
Just… humor them? It’ll all be over soon.

YAK
Did someone think to loot the bodies? We have to establish the party fund.

RUKES
The what?

YAK
The party fund. We’ll pool whatever money we find along the way and split it evenly at the end.

RUKES
(scoffs)
(sharp, put out)
Excuse me, you want me to fork over my hard-earned money?

YAK
Only whatever you pulled off the gnolls which, I will remind you, we all killed together.

LARKIN
Who’s going to keep the party fund?

YAK
Me.

RUKES
You.

YAK
(verging on annoyed)
Would you like me to spell it out for you?

LARKIN
I thought dragonborn didn’t like using money.

YAK
Under normal circumstances, you’d be right. Money causes more problems than it solves.

RUKES
Beg to differ.

YAK
Differ all you like, I’m still right.

LARKIN
Well, then, why are you the one keeping the party fund?

YAK
Unlike the rest of my people, I don’t mind handling money.

LARKIN
Why?

YAK
Because, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m the only dragonborn in the room.

RUKES
You still haven’t told me why I should trust you with the money.

YAK
Who better, to be fair? I won’t cheat you. Frankly, I only use money when absolutely necessary anyway.

RUKES
And how are we supposed to be sure of that?

MAX
You can take my word.

RUKES
(derisive scoff)
Your word.

MAX
I trust her more than I trust you.

Coins clink.

PHOEBE
Here.

RUKES
Where did you…? Where did you get that?

PHOEBE
Looting.
(slightly unsure)
Yak, do you mind if I keep a ledger of what we’ve collected?

YAK
(good natured)
I welcome the accountability.

MAX
(warmly)
That’s beautiful. You happy, Rukes?

RUKES
No?

MAX
Oh!
(clicks their tongue)
Pardon me! Let me try again.
(firm, darkly)
Either pay your loot into the party fund or take it and leave with my blessing.

RUKES
Y—you can’t do that!

LARKIN
I think they can.

MAX
(lightly)
We can find another healer. You’re not that special.

A pause.
Fewer coins clink.

MAX
That’s what we like to see!

YAK
Phoebe, that’s six gold and eight silver.

A swish of paper, pen scribbling over a hard surface.

PHOEBE
Got it!

LARKIN
(unimpressed)
All that fuss for two and a half gold?

RUKES
(hotly)
You have something to say, Mallon?

LARKIN
(frightened)
I guess I don’t!

MAX
Truly inspiring show of courage there, Larkin. Yak, are you done?

YAK
Oh, yeah! I’m done!

MAX
Then I say it’s time for drinks, and I won’t even dip into the party fund to get them.

YAK
Your generosity knows no bounds.

PHOEBE
Can I please… have a cider?

MAX
You can have whatever your heart yearns for.
(beat, warmly)
And also a cider.
Anyone else? Yak? Dark lager?

YAK
Yes, please.

LARKIN
I’ll take a cider too.

MAX
Hm. What do you think, Phoebe? You think he earned it?

PHOEBE
Uhm… yes?

MAX
Then a cider you shall have! Be right back.

Footsteps fade away.

RUKES
I don’t care what Max says, if you even think about cheating us—

YAK
(unbothered, mocking)
What? What will you do, cleric of Sune? Heal my broken ribs?

A pause.

LARKIN
(awkwardly)
Do you… do you have broken ribs?

YAK
Not anymore, I don’t! Thanks to the healing magic!
(sarcastically)
Thank you so very much, Rukes, I owe you big.

RUKES
Shut up.

PHOEBE
Your people don’t use money at all?

YAK
We do not!

LARKIN
That’s interesting, I’ve always wondered how a society works without an economy.

YAK
(tiredly)
Money is not the same as economy. Read a book.

Dialogue fades away.

LARKIN
(flustered)
I… I do. Read books. Lots of books!

Background sounds of tavern fade away.

(06:32) OUTRO:
(06:33) NEXT TIME ON…

Inn Between theme plays in the background.

TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between…

LARKIN
(loudly)
I don’t know much about artificers! Is it true that they love explosions?

RUKES
I don’t know if I’d say love.

Explosion.

(06:50) CREDITS:

HANNAH
This episode, “The Party Fund”, was written and directed by Hannah Wright with assistant director William Wright. The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Larkin is Mason Amadeus. The voice of Max is Malcolm Jay. The voice of Phoebe is Soulara Jane Joslin. The voice of Yak is Emma Laslett. The voice of Rukes is CJ Tanuan.
Our theme song is by Eli Hamada McIlveen, and our artwork is by Gabrielle Buxman. Our transcriber is Ria Couoh. Special thanks to Emma Wright for foley assistance.
Transcripts for this and every episode can be found on our website, thegoblinshead.com.
If you like the show, evenly split all the change you find in your couch between your friends! Or leave us a review.
Thanks for listening!

Music ends.

HANNAH
This story was created in the traditional territory of the Arapaho, Cheyenne, and Ute peoples, and edited in the unceded territory of the Salish, Kootenai, and Kalispel peoples.

(08:00)POST-CREDITS:

Background sounds of tavern.

TESSA
Special order? How special are we talking?

A beat.

TESSA
Yes, and how much are you willing to spend on that?

Pause.

TESSA
(unimpressed)
I’m afraid that’s not special enough.

Background sounds of tavern fade away.

(08:20) PROMO: COUNTERBALANCE.

Counterbalance theme plays.

SÆA
Hello Auril, did you want to listen in on me and Raka enjoying ourselves?

RAKA
Oh… don’t encourage him!

SÆA
Shall I describe to you what we’re doing right now?

YOSHA
Um… Akasar?

AURIL
Huh?

YOSHA
What’s going on?

AURIL
Let’s see.
Look, these windshells document anything you do in order to banish spirits.

RAKA
I don’t banish spirits, I’m fixing the tangle weave!

AURIL
Of course, we can’t open a new hole into the Æther web every year!

HEADCHIEF
The spirits aren’t always… bad, are they?

EÞIOVAR
Those are exactly the reason tangle weaves happen in the first place!

AURIL
I’m sure Raka knows how to get through a watergate without disturbing the magic balance.

FYALFANA
So, what happens when there’s a hole in the weave? Does magic pour out?

MALAKI
(laughs)
It is already broken! Let more Vær into this world. I’ll destroy every single one of them!

LYN
No, no. You’ve had enough already!

RAKA
I will kill you, you filthy little…

LYN
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down, Raka!

RAKA
(growls)

MALAKI
Try it, feather duster!

SPIRIT
Be gone, ferocious runemaster, your friction will grind the weave atwain.

RAKA
Fiyar’ta. In moments like these, I wish I could see the runes.

FERRYCE
What’s wrong, Raka? Is that tangle weave maybe too difficult even for someone as great as you?

KESSIR
Counterbalance. A high fantasy audio drama. Subscribe to us on iTunes, Stitcher, or wherever you get podcasts from.

EPISODE ENDS.

Published inEpisodes