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5.4: The Lover

The Lowlifes meet a couple of lovebirds.

Transcript below the cut!

Downloadable PDF Script

Transcript provided by Ria Couoh.

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(00:00) INTRO:
HANNAH
Hi, everyone! Hannah here.
Stick around after the show to hear a trailer from a podcast I adore!
Stories from Ylelmore is a kid’s show about three misfits in a magical world who are on the hunt for mysteries and adventure.
This show is by the incomparable ItMe, and it’s funny, lighthearted and —lowkey— has some serious worldbuilding chops.
Go check out Stories from Ylelmore! That’s Y-L-E-L-M-O-R-E. You can… you can check the spelling in the description.
And with no further ado, let’s go to the Inn!

(00:28): PREVIOUSLY ON…

TESSA
Previously on Inn Between…

Inn Between theme plays in the background.

LARKIN
(distressed)
These woods are supposed to be crawling with bandits!

MAX
A few paltry bandits are no match for us!

JENNY
(distant)
No! Stay away from me!

YAK
(breathlessly)
We’re not the ones in trouble!

Inn Between theme fades.

(01:30) THE LOVER.

Door creaks open and shut.
Background sounds of a tavern.

JENNY
(in a mellow, anxious voice)
I don’t know what would have happened to me if you hadn’t come along!

RUKES
(flippantly)
Terrible things, probably.

YAK
Oh, no need to scare her.

Chairs scrape against wooden floor.

MAX
Lucky we were there then, Jenny!
(friendly)
Come on, sit. We’ll get you some tea to steady your nerves.

JENNY
(soft sigh)
(relieved)
Thank you so much.

YAK
Now, forgive me if I’m wrong but you don’t seem to have any formal combat training.

JENNY
Oh! No, not me!

YAK
Then… what were you doing alone in the woods? That place is stuffed to the gills with bandits!

JENNY
I was…
(sheepish)
Oh, I… I probably shouldn’t say!

MAX
(amused)
Are you one of the bandits? We won’t tell.

JENNY
Gosh, no! I was… waiting for someone.

LARKIN
It, uh, doesn’t strike me as a good idea to meet someone in such a dangerous place in the dead of night.

JENNY
Trust me, it’s worth it.
(beat)
Or, at least, I hope it will be?
(groans)
(unhappily)
No, I won’t be there to meet him!

PHOEBE
Meet who?

JENNY
I… David, my… my fiancé.

LARKIN
(haltingly)
Oh—oh! Congratulations!

MAX
Now, that’s sweet!

RUKES
And why were you meeting your fiancé in the dead of night in the woods?

MAX
(teasingly)
You’re a priest of a love goddess, you should know.

JENNY
Oh, no! Actually, we’re… we’re running away together!

PHOEBE
Oh my!

YAK
I smell a story here!

JENNY

There’s really not much to tell… Oh, I hope he finds me!

LARKIN
What exactly was your backup plan if you weren’t able to make the first meeting place?

JENNY
Uhm…

RUKES
(derisive, unsurprised)
You didn’t have a backup plan. Amazing.

JENNY
We probably should have had more of one…? Oh, no! Sh—should I go back?

LARKIN
That’s… probably not a good idea.

PHOEBE
We’re only a quarter mile away. You can see the lights of the town from your meeting place.

JENNY
That’s true.

MAX
(gently)
Do you believe in true love, Jenny?

JENNY
Of course!

MAX
Then he’ll find you. Promise.

RUKES
(snort)
I have never heard such an unkeepable promise in my entire life!

Door creaks open and shut.

DAVID
(distantly)
(in a high-pitched, chirping voice)
Jenny? Jenny!

Chair scrapes against wooden floor.

JENNY
Oh, David!

DAVID
Thank the gods!

Footsteps rushing closer.

DAVID
Are you alright? I saw…

Footsteps stop.

DAVID
(faintly)
I saw corpses.

JENNY
I’m alright. Thanks to them. Here, everyone. This is David.

YAK
Pleasure.

MAX
We met Jenny on the way here. Some bandits were giving her trouble.

DAVID
(seriously, solemn)
Then I owe you a debt of gratitude for her safety. I’m so sorry I wasn’t quicker to meet you, my love!

JENNY
You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.

YAK
Jenny tells us you’re running away together.

DAVID
(grandiosely)
Yes! We’re going to get married!

PHOEBE
Oh, wow!

YAK
(overlapping)
Hey!

LARKIN
(overlapping)
(warm chuckle)
Okay!

MAX
(overlapping)
Oho! Congratulations! Forget the tea!
(loudly)
Tessa! A round of drinks!

TESSA
On its way.

MAX
Please, join us, David. Tell us your tale.

DAVID
Gee, thanks!

Chair scrapes against wooden floor.

JENNY
I still don’t think there’s much to tell.

DAVID
It’s romantic though!

JENNY
(warmly)
Yeah…

YAK
Well, go on, lovebirds!

DAVID
We’ve known each other for basically our whole lives!

JENNY
It’s like that when you grow up in a small village, and we’ve always been friends! But… I was in love with him for a long time, too.

DAVID
(cooing)
Aw, with little old me?

JENNY
(giggles)
Yes!

DAVID
But I didn’t give her much thought except as my friend!

YAK
Yeah? What changed?

DAVID
Well, sometimes you just… wake up, and notice what’s been in front of you the whole time.

MAX
That’s… adorable.

JENNY
Oh, David!

DAVID
It’s true! Oh, I think it was the day at the town festival! You entered the contest! Remember the race?

JENNY
That day? Really?

PHOEBE
What was special about that day?

JENNY
All I remember is falling headlong into a mud puddle.

DAVID
Yes, that was it!

JENNY
But I was covered in mud!

YAK
(hearty laugh)
The romantic power of slapstick.

DAVID
No, no. It was… it was the way you laughed about it. That was the moment.

JENNY
(breathless)
Really?

DAVID
Yeah, that’s when I knew.

PHOEBE
Aw!

YAK
Stop, I can’t stand how sweet you are!

LARKIN
So, why are you running away then?

DAVID
Oh, it’s our parents!

JENNY
They won’t let us get married!

RUKES
(flatly)
Well, color me shocked.

MAX
Parents. Truly the worst.

DAVID
It was completely unfair!

JENNY
So, we’re leaving.

MAX
(delighted)
You crazy kids.

LARKIN
Who are you going to get to marry you?

YAK
You could just… decide you’re married, couldn’t you? It’s how it works.

MAX
Oh, not for humans, Yak. Not in this kingdom. It’s got to be witnessed and such.

JENNY
We… didn’t really have anyone in mind.

DAVID
Yeah, we don’t really know anyone outside our village.

JENNY
I’ve got an aunt in the capitol… but that’s weeks from here.

MAX
Kids, you are in luck.

DAVID
We are?

MAX
We just happen to have an actual cleric of Sune right here in the flesh.

JENNY
Really?

YAK
You could get married right now!

PHOEBE
(softly)
I love weddings…

DAVID
(rushed with excitement)
Oh, my gods! Should we do it?

JENNY
I say yes! What do you say?

DAVID
Absolutely!

YAK
What do you think, Rukes? Ready to get these kids hitched?

RUKES
(scoffing)
(firmly)
Absolutely not!

A pause.

JENNY
(warily)
I’m… sorry?

DAVID
I don’t understand.

RUKES
(cuttingly)
Of course you don’t. How old are you?

DAVID
Uh, seventeen! I’ll be eighteen in spring!

JENNY
I’m eighteen.

RUKES
Oh, okay, so you have an excuse: being children.
(disdainful)
So, why are the rest of you, being adults, acting like… idiots?

LARKIN
Excuse me?

YAK
(tiredly, annoyed)
Gods, you’re just the worst!

MAX
(calmly, angrily)
Alright, Rukes, I’ll bite. Why am I an idiot?

RUKES
(with fake cheer)
Allow me to demonstrate!
Children, do you have any money?

DAVID
We have enough to stay here tonight. I made sure.

JENNY
(through gritted teeth)
Can you stop calling us children?

RUKES
And what about for supper, tomorrow?

DAVID
We figured we’d get work somewhere!

RUKES
Did you? Both of you, together? And, uh, where was that to be?

JENNY
We’d… figure it out.

RUKES
What skills do you have to… offer an employer?

DAVID
Jenny’s almost a journeyman carpenter!

RUKES
(pointedly)
Almost?

JENNY
(awkwardly)
I had… not quite a year left on my apprenticeship?
But David’s an excellent farmer.

RUKES
(emphatically)
You need land to farm. Money to buy seed.

DAVID
Not to be a farmhand, though.

RUKES
In the dead of winter.
(amused huff)

DAVID
There’s always… some work that needs to be done!

RUKES
And… where will you and your wife live while you’re doing this?

DAVID
Well…

RUKES
And here is another thing that’s bothering me: your parents said you couldn’t get married.

JENNY
Yes!

RUKES
Ever?

JENNY
(deflating)
Oh. Uhm…

DAVID
(outraged)
They said we had to wait a year! A whole year!

YAK
(flatly)
Wait. A year?

PHOEBE
(under her breath)
Oh, gods.

MAX
Alright, I admit it. I’m an idiot.

RUKES
(pleased)
Thank you very much. Just one of the many services I provide.

LARKIN
(rueful)
I… Uh… I think we all got a little swept up in the romance.

YAK
A year is nothing! Even for a human.

JENNY
(distressed)
You don’t understand!

DAVID
(angrily)
You’re just like the rest!

JENNY
Maybe we should just go.

RUKES
Relax, children. Don’t you want your drinks? Max is paying.
(beat)
(sighs)
(softer)
Okay. Look. Why don’t you want to wait a year?

DAVID
Because we know what we want!

JENNY
It’s not fair to ask us to wait! My parents didn’t have to!

RUKES
What about your apprenticeship?

JENNY
I don’t care about that.

RUKES
Because you’re very bad at it?

JENNY
No! N-no! I’m good at carpentry.

RUKES
That… doesn’t really matter, though, does it? People don’t hire runaway apprentices.

JENNY
Sometimes they do.

RUKES
(with emphasis)
Sometimes.
And you, farm boy? You want land of your own?

DAVID
Of course!

RUKES
Right.
(disbelieving)
So, you’re going to be such a good farmhand that you’ll somehow be able to save up enough money for land.

DAVID
That happens!

RUKES
Very rarely. It’s not a trade designed for upward mobility.
So, here’s my real question, children:
(beat)
(seriously)
Are you going to bank your ability to take care of each other on rarely and sometimes?

DAVID
When you put it like that…

JENNY
David!

DAVID
I… I have to tell you something.

JENNY
What?

DAVID
My dad said if we wait a year, he’ll give us the acreage at the bottom of the hill. To practice and to start building a relationship with folks at the market.

JENNY
Really? I… Why didn’t you tell me?

DAVID
Because I wanted to marry you!

JENNY
(subdued)
Oh… then…
(scoffs)
(derisively)
We don’t need to listen to them! We can still go!

DAVID
I don’t know, Jenny. Maybe they’re right.
(softly)
Maybe we’re making things harder for ourselves when we don’t have to.

JENNY
But that’s…
(sighs)
A year is such a long time.

DAVID
No, yeah, it’s going to suck!

RUKES
What are you afraid of, Jenny?

YAK
(annoyed)
Gods, Rukes, let them talk!

DAVID
No, I… I think I want to know too.

A pause.

JENNY
(slowly)
What if…? What if after a year you… change your mind?

DAVID
(hurt)
Do you… really think I would do that?

JENNY
I don’t know… Not really. But you’re the only boy I’ve ever loved and… I was scared.

DAVID
Oh, Jenny.

RUKES
Listen to me, children. If everything goes to plan and you’re still together in a year, all it’ll do is prove to your families that you were right all along. And if you’re not, then it’s a blessed mercy you didn’t get married today.

DAVID
I hate that they’re right.

JENNY
Yeah…
Were you really never going to tell me your dad’s offer?

DAVID
No, I… I know. It was stupid.
Were you really never going to tell me how scared you were?

JENNY
How could I? What would you have thought of me?

DAVID
I still think you’re wonderful.
(beat)
We should go home, right?

MAX
Why don’t you kids wait until morning? It’s still raining bandits outside.

YAK
You can take your drinks and… talk for a bit.

JENNY
That sounds nice.

DAVID
Yeah, come on, my love.

Chairs scrape against wooden floor.
Footsteps walking away.

MAX
Rukes, I… am a little bit speechless.

RUKES
Clearly not completely.

MAX
I mean it! You’ve surprised me!

RUKES
(sharply)
What have I done now?

YAK
(slowly)
An act of compassion?

LARKIN
Basically, yeah.

PHOEBE
Thank you for looking out for them. I’m glad someone was.

RUKES
(scoff)
(with mean amusement)
You all have spent so long at this job you’ve forgotten to think practically about literally anything.

LARKIN
Hey, now.

MAX
What kind of cleric are you, exactly?

RUKES
(snappishly)
A good one.

Chair scrapes against wooden floor.

RUKES
Now, if you’ll excuse me, drinks are ready, and I’ll be getting mine. Goodbye.

Footsteps walking away quickly.

YAK
(vexedly)
Seriously, someone tell me what’s wrong with them.

MAX
Larkin, you’ve talked to them, haven’t you? What’s up with Rukes?

LARKIN
Uhm…
(short exhale)
You know, I couldn’t say.

Background sounds of tavern fade away.

(14:02) OUTRO:
(14:02) NEXT TIME ON…
Inn Between theme plays in the background.

TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between…

YAK
Max was right! This journey’s been easy!

LARKIN
(glumly)
There’s more than one kind of danger.

MAX
There’s nothing I can’t handle.

(14:16) CREDITS:
HANNAH
This episode, “The Lover”, was written and directed by Hannah Wright with assistant director William Wright. The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Larkin is Mason Amadeus. The voice of Max is Malcolm Jay. The voice of Phoebe is Soulara Jane Joslin. The voice of Yak is Emma Laslett. The voice of Rukes is CJ Tanuan.
This episode featured the voices of special guests Becca Marcus as Jenny and Greg Vinciguerra as David. Check out more of their work in the show notes.
Our theme song is by Eli Hamada McIlveen, and our artwork is by Gabrielle Buxman. Our transcriber is Ria Couoh. Special thanks to Emma Wright for foley assistance.
Transcripts for this and every episode can be found on our website, thegoblinshead.com.
If you like the show, do something that would make teenage you proud! Or leave us a review.
Thanks for listening!

Music ends.

HANNAH
This story was created in the traditional territory of the Arapaho, Cheyenne, and Ute peoples, and edited in the unceded territory of the Salish, Kootenai, and Kalispel peoples.

(15:28) POST-CREDITS:
Background sounds of tavern.

TESSA
So, do they want tea or drinks? Which is it? This is why I don’t truck with romance, it’s so confusing!

Background sounds of tavern fade away.

(15:45) PROMO: STORIES FROM YLENMORE
Soothing music.
Ratcheting sounds.

KERYTH
Is that good?

RION
No, it’s cramped.

KERYTH
That’s why I said we should do this at your house.

RION
Your house is closer.

KERYTH
Hi, I’m Keryth and this is my assistant—

RION
Assistant?

KERYTH
Rion…we talked about this…

Audio clicks off.
Audio returns with jaunty guitar music.

KERYTH
(overlapping)
I’m Keryth.
This is Keryth.
This is Keryth.
And I’m Keryth and this is my co-host Rion!

RION
Hi.

KERYTH
This is stories from Ylelmore! And today’s episode is about…
(overlapping)
The new kid.
A murder most foul!
Yeti hunt!
Actual werewolves.
And our assistant, Elas.

RION
Why are they still here??

ELAS
Why wouldn’t I be?

KERYTH
Yeah…Rion’s not going to like you…

ELAS
We have to run!!

RION
That’s literally the worst i- AGGGHHHHHHHHHH

ELAS
Are wraiths even real?

KERYTH
I don’t know, but ghosts are!

Rope tightens and Elas screams in the background.

KERYTH
I told you to keep an eye out for traps, Elas.

RION
Stalker trail.

KERYTH
We’re not stalking.

ELAS
R-Rion?

KERYTH
Elllaaassss

RION
Keryth!

KERYTH
I didn’t think we would actually get this far.

RION
I still don’t like you.

 

EPISODE ENDS.

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