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5.5: The Restoration

The Lowlifes feel a bit froggy.

Transcript is below the cut!

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Transcript provided by Ria Couoh.
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(00:00) INTRO:

HANNAH
Hi, everyone! Hannah here.
Stick around after the show to hear a trailer for a podcast I would die for.
Do you like teenagers and magic wizard schools? Do you wish the concept could be executed by folks who were trans, who take the time to examine the consequences of colonialism, who worldbuild in a way that makes sense and who still include the drama of what on earth you’re going to wear to the dance?
Then Electromancy is the show for you! Follow Jenna as she is conscripted into the Royal Institute for the Study of Sorcery after hiding her electrical powers for years. Will she make friends? Will she tear down the empire? And what on earth is she going to wear for that dance?
Electromancy can be found wherever you get podcasts, and we can be found right here, right now.
Let’s go to the Inn!

(00:40): PREVIOUSLY ON…

TESSA
Previously on Inn Between…

Inn Between theme plays in the background.

MAX
No challenge is too great for us! And this is no exception!

HAG
(in a raspy, spiteful voice)
Wicked adventurers! You thought you could tramp through my territory without consequences?

RUKES
Now what, genius?

MAX
Relax! I’ve got this.

HAG
Oh, so this was your idea?
(echoing and distorted)
Then you shall pay the price!

Inn Between theme fades.

(01:40) THE RESTORATION

Background sounds of a tavern.
Several pairs of footsteps approaching.

PHOEBE
This is so strange!

YAK
Yeah, it’s a new one on me.

Chairs scrape against wooden floor.

MAX
This isn’t even close to the weirdest…
(spits out)

A high-pitched croak.

RUKES
(irritated)
Do you think maybe, just maybe, a curse that affects you while you talk means you should keep your mouth shut?

MAX
I don’t think I like your attitude—!
(chokes)

A throaty croak.

YAK
(flatly)
You’re asking the impossible there, you realize?

LARKIN
I can’t imagine how that tastes.

MAX
(vexed)
Take a wild guess how it—!

Harsh croak.

Frogs and other amphibians chirp, croak and trill in the background with varying frequency and volume.

PHOEBE
I didn’t think curses like this were real.

LARKIN
Oh, they’re real. They’re some of the oldest curses people invented! The inverse is real too. Producing jewels every time you speak?

PHOEBE
Why?

LARKIN
(excitedly)
Ah! You know, there are actually some really interesting theories about that. Some scholars—

MAX
Could we focus on the task at—

Trilling.

YAK
Will you never learn?

MAX
No.

Beat.

LARKIN
Did you just…?

MAX
(spits)

A short croak.

LARKIN
Ah.

YAK
This is going to wear off, right?

Beat.

LARKIN
(nervously)
Well…

RUKES
(laughs meanly)
(delighted)
You mean to say that he might be stuck like this?

LARKIN
It really depends on exactly how angry you made that hag.

PHOEBE
She seemed pretty angry.

RUKES
(joyful)
Oh! Oh, fantastic!

MAX
(angrily)
Whatever, just fix…!
(spits)

Croaking.

MAX
(strained)
Fix it!

LARKIN
What? Me—me?

YAK
That is who he’s looking at, yeah.

MAX
(grunts emphatically)

YAK
Let’s see, if I were Max, I’d be saying something like:
What good is a magic expert if he can’t be an expert about this magic?

LARKIN
(fumbles)
I mean, I could try to cast Dispel, but this is… This is advanced work! It…

PHOEBE
So, it’s complicated? The curse?

LARKIN
No. Actually, that’s what’s kind of ingenious about it. It’s a sucker punch of arcane precision. It’s not complicated, but it’s very powerful.
Especially if it’s meant to be permanent.

PHOEBE
But it’s not harmful.

LARKIN
I mean, it makes a dent in your quality of life! But it’s not as though it’s hurting them.

MAX
I beg to differ—
(spits)

Croaking.

YAK
(sighing)
Try the Dispel, Larkin.

RUKES
No, no, no, no. I—I think we should let them suffer a little longer. Maybe learn some humility.

YAK
(disgusted)
How do you justify going through life being just the worst?

RUKES
Oh, very easily.

YAK
Larkin, please.

LARKIN
Right. I… I… I can try. Uhm…
(clears his throat)

The sound of magic: an echoing rumble that ends in a crack.

LARKIN
(anxiously)
Yeah, I don’t… I don’t think that worked. Uhm…

YAK
(tiredly)
Go on, Max.

MAX
Larkin, if I’m still cursed, what is the point of you—?

A loud, high-pitched trill.

LARKIN
I’m… sorry, Max, really. Curses land on this strange middle ground, there’s not a lot that I can do as a sorcerer.

YAK
If you can’t fix this, who can? Who can lift a curse?

MAX
A p—

Soft croak.

MAX
A priest. It’s got to be Rukes.

RUKES
(dark, pleased chuckle)
Well, well, well.

YAK
(sighs)
(exhausted)
Oh, good.

RUKES
Look who’s suddenly in charge?

YAK
Still Max?

RUKES
(smugly)
I don’t know, it looks like it might be me.

YAK
Holy Molt, you truly suck.

RUKES
Maybe, but I just want everyone to recognize that…
(pointedly, harsh)
I’m not the only one.

LARKIN
And holding Max hostage solves that how?

RUKES
Maybe this way, he’ll learn something!

YAK
(angrily)
What point do you think you’re making?

RUKES
(briskly)
How does it feel, Max? To have your mood and wellbeing subject to the whim of someone else?

MAX
You little weasel. You don’t—

A rasping croak.
Assorted croaking increases in frequency.

RUKES
Ah, ah, ah. Watch those amphibians! What is that, a newt?
(amused huff)

YAK
(half-whisper, insistent)
You’re just going to make them angry.

RUKES
Oh, yeah? And tell me, why does that bother you so much, Yak?

Metal ring of sword being unsheathed.

RUKES
(condescending)
Oh, Max. Now it’s time for threats, is it?

YAK
They’re not bluffing.

RUKES
Of course, they’re not.
(goading)
But what are you going to do, Max, hm? Stab your best shot at, uh, getting fixed up?
(sharply, dark)
I’d really like to see you try.

PHOEBE
Rukes?

RUKES
(scoffs)
Honestly, you have no sense at all.

PHOEBE
(pleading, distressed)
Rukes, please, we don’t have to fight about this!

RUKES
(sigh)
I’m sorry, Phoebe. You’re an innocent bystander in all of this, aren’t you?

PHOEBE
I just don’t want things to get worse!

RUKES
(softer)
Alright, alright, for you. I will relent. Truce, Max?

A beat.
Sword sheathed with a click.

RUKES
Glad we’re being sensible now. Let’s get you a potion.

LARKIN
(quietly)
That’s not going to work.

RUKES
I’m sorry?

LARKIN
Uh. Potions are for bodily harm? It…
(mumbling nervously, quickly)
Won’t fix a curse.

YAK
Then just cast Lesser Restoration or something, come on.

RUKES
(dubious)
Aha.

PHOEBE
Please?

RUKES
Yeah, that, uh…
(slowly)
That might be a problem.

YAK
(frustrated)
I thought you were going to give up on your little… power trip.

RUKES
Well, now I know better.
(sighing)
I suppose the jig is up.

YAK
What are you talking about?

RUKES
Didn’t expect it to be so soon.
(humorless chuckle)

PHOEBE
Didn’t expect what?

LARKIN
(high-pitched)
OUR BET!
(in a normal volume, still nervous)
Our bet. The bet we have!
(speaking quicker as he goes)
Because, see, Rukes and I made a bet! Uhm. A—after you sprained your wrist! They bet me that we’d make it to the dragon without them having to do any magic themself, and I said they were full of it and…

RUKES
(flatly)
What.

LARKIN
So, yeah, you’ve… got to pay up. Go ahead. Cast Lesser Restoration.

YAK
(irate)
All this was because of a… bet.

LARKIN
(with fake, nervous amusement)
I mean, they’re stubborn, you know?

YAK
Gods, Rukes, that’s plain stupid!

RUKES
(sharply)
Is it.

YAK
Fix Max, for the love of gods.

LARKIN
(between gritted teeth)
Just cast Lesser Restoration, go ahead.

RUKES
Ahaha.
(whispering, furious)
If this is some kind of dumbass power move, I swear—
(growling)
I will gut you.

LARKIN
(terrified, also whispering)
It—it—it’s not. Trust me.

A beat.

RUKES
(reluctantly)
Fine.
(seriously)
May the power of the Goddess return you to yourself.

Magic: a soft pop as a single chord is strummed.

LARKIN
Did that work?

YAK
Go on, Max.

MAX
(quietly)
This is a test sentence.

YAK
(pleased sigh)
Good.

PHOEBE
Feeling better?

MAX
Loads better, Phoebe. Thank you for asking. Please excuse this outburst, would you?

PHOEBE
(pleased, surprised)
I… suppose so.

MAX
Thank you.
(furiously, getting louder as they talk)
Rukes, you unlovable joke. I ought to strangle you where you stand. We brought you along to do one job, and you think it’s funny to—

Chair.
Quick footsteps fade away.

A loud, long trill.

MAX
(loudly, irate)
Don’t you walk away from me! Who do you think you are?

YAK
Leave them, Max. They look sick.

MAX
(darkly, seriously)
I’ll kill them.

LARKIN
Uh, d—don’t. We’ll probably still need a healer.

MAX
And now you’re telling me what to do?

LARKIN
(alarmed)
No! No. Just making a suggestion.

YAK
They took it hard, didn’t they? Losing that bet.

LARKIN
(fumbling)
Yeah! Yeah. You know.
(with nervous, faux amusement)
You know, they’ve got an attitude.

PHOEBE
There are so many frogs in here now!

Chair scrapes against wooden floors.

MAX
I need something to wash out my mouth. Like whiskey.

Frog chirps.

MAX
(venomous)
Or turpentine.

YAK
That priest is a freak. Seriously, Larkin, what’s wrong with them?

LARKIN
I… honestly don’t know.

A quiet croak.
Background sounds of tavern fade away.

(10:24) OUTRO:
(10:24) NEXT TIME ON…

Inn Between theme plays in the background.

TESSA
Next time, on Inn Between…

RUKES
Larkin, just tell me what’s going on!

LARKIN
Uh, you can do magic now?

RUKES
What the fu—

 

(10:36) CREDITS:

HANNAH
This episode, “The Restoration”, was written and directed by Hannah Wright with assistant director William Wright. The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Larkin is Mason Amadeus. The voice of Max is Malcolm Jay. The voice of Phoebe is Soulara Jane Joslin. The voice of Yak is Emma Laslett. The voice of Rukes is CJ Tanuan.
This episode featured the voice of Brooke Jennett as the Hag.
Our theme song is by Eli Hamada McIlveen, and our artwork is by Gabrielle Buxman. Our transcriber is Ria Couoh. Special thanks to Emma Wright for foley assistance.
Transcripts for this and every episode can be found on our website, thegoblinshead.com.
If you like the show, find what you thought was lost forever. Or leave us a review.
Thanks for listening!

Music ends.

HANNAH
This story was created in the traditional territory of the Arapaho, Cheyenne, and Ute peoples, and edited in the unceded territory of the Salish, Kootenai, and Kalispel peoples.

(11:55) POST-CREDITS:

TESSA
Do you plan on going to bed anytime soon?

RUKES
Nope.

TESSA
Would you like some tea?

RUKES
(softer, tiredly)
Yeah. Yeah. I’ll take some.

TESSA
I’ll put the kettle on.

Croaking.

(12:14) PROMO: ELECTROMANCY.

Funky, upbeat background music.

VELD
These two mages we’ve just saved- Tessek, and Donovan. I need to know – are they worth the trouble?

DEAN
You’ve seen their files. They’re prodigies, both of them.

JENNA
Brynn! Give me back my book!

PEM
Okay. Talking a little loudly about this stuff…

ELLIE
Pem, there was nothing suspicious about the interaction until you said that. She could have been talking about, like, a textbook-

DEVON
Hello, electromancers. For the record, I think all five of us together is inherently kind of suspicious at this point.

BRYNN
I see how it is. Happy to hang with me when we’re imprisoned by evil necromancers in the distant past, but once I save your ass, it’s back to the cool kids’ table.

JENNA
To be fair, I didn’t have any choice but to hang out with you then. That’s what “imprisoned” means.

ELLIE
We need a normal thing to plan and talk about and work towards so that everything isn’t schoolwork and memory wipes and time travels and monsters and death!

ANNOUNCER
Electromancy. A fantasy adventure show, available wherever you get your podcasts.

Episode ends.

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