Our heroes get back from a nasty close encounter and relax through the time-honored practice of mocking each other.
Transcript is below the cut!
Hey Everyone! Hannah here. Thank you so much for listening to Inn Between. I just wanted to let you know that today we’ve launched our Patreon. We’d like to raise enough money to host the show and pay our fantastic producer for what is essentially a part-time job for her at this point. If you’d like to kick us a few bucks, you can go to patreon.com/thegoblinshead; we’ve got some great rewards for you if you do. And hey, if you want to support us but don’t have the cash, we’d appreciate a review on iTunes instead. Every little bit helps, and we love hearing from you.
So, once again, that’s patreon.com/thegoblinshead. Now I’ve talked enough; let’s go to the inn.
Brief silence.
TESSA THE INNKEEPER
Previously, on Inn Between…
Theme song.
MELTYRE
It’s a transfiguration curse. I have an old master who might be able to help.
FINA
So this library’s in a large terrifying gothic castle. What could possibly go wrong?
OLD MASTER
(creepy, slithery voice)
The storm’s washed out the road…I’m afraid you’ll have to stay the night.
VELUNE
(intensely)
On my oath as a cleric of Pelor, he had no reflection!
BETTY
Stake through the heart, that’s how you do it.
MELTYRE
You’re not staking my master through the heart.
Horrible vampiric hissing noise.
STERLING
(panicked)
Gods–gods, do something, someone!
MELTYRE
Stake him! Stake him!
Theme song, fading into tavern sounds. Today is a fairly busy day. Fina plays her guitar, an upbeat but soothing little song, a variation on the theme. Sterling is sharpening his sword; there is the sound of a whetstone on metal.
FINA
How’s the new sword treating you, Sterling?
STERLING
It will do nicely, I think. It’s a very well crafted blade. The balance is a little different than I’m used to, but this engraving on the guard is really quite lovely.
VELUNE
A shame you didn’t have it yet when we were at the library.
BETTY
We had a stake. That’s all we needed.
VELUNE
Even so. Bit of a close call.
STERLING
I do feel better being armed again.
(stops sharpening sword, sheaths it)
Thank you for the recommendation, Fina.
FINA
Don’t mention it. Glad to give my friend more business.
STERLING
Dwarf-made swords tend to be good craftsmanship.
FINA
A little racist, but in this case true. She is the best.
BETTY
Now you can stop using my axe.
STERLING
That was one time.
BETTY
One time too many.
FINA
Hey guys, shut up. You see Meltyre over there?
Brief pause.
STERLING
By the bar?
FINA
Yeah.
VELUNE
He hasn’t put down that book since we got it.
Fina plays a soothing, quiet melody.
FINA
(in an affected tone, like a nature documentary)
Look there! Observe the wizard in his natural habitat. Here he is most comfortable, feasting over the pulped remains of mighty trees.
Betty laughs.
BETTY
What’s he eat?
FINA
Well Betty, the wizard is an omnivore, but his preferred meal is words. The average wizard can eat three times his body weight in words every day.
BETTY
(not unkindly)
Heh. Nerd.
VELUNE
(amused)
Does the wizard have any natural predators?
FINA
Ah, yes, the wizard is a prey animal. Predators include Going Outdoors, Interacting with People, and Hayfever.
The others laugh.
STERLING
What about mating habits?
FINA
(stops playing, normal tone)
Why do you ask, Sterling?
STERLING
I beg your pardon?
FINA
(growing amusement)
Are you interested?
STERLING
(sputtering)
I–you–how dare you–
FINA
He is kind of cute.
A chair scoots out and footsteps hurry away.
FINA
(calling out after him)
I could put in a good word for you!
VELUNE
That was a bit unkind.
FINA
Eh, he’ll get over it. Sensitive about these things, isn’t he?
VELUNE
I might be too, if I was wrongly accused of a royal scandal.
FINA
So you think he’s telling the truth about being framed?
VELUNE
Don’t you?
FINA
(plays guitar again, the first tune again)
Believing everything everyone tells you is a stupid way to play this game.
VELUNE
I try to see the best in people.
FINA
(stops playing abruptly)
Yeah, you say that, but twice now you’re the one who’s seen people disguised as something they’re not. First the dragon girl and now the old wizard.
VELUNE
Yes. Well. Pelor’s light often reveals the truth in darkness.
FINA
I don’t know how you roll so high.
VELUNE
Roll?
Footsteps approach.
TESSA THE INNKEEPER
Good evening, ladies and….
VELUNE
Friar.
TESSA
Right, Friar.
(glasses clinking, set down)
We have one cider for you, ales for the ladies, and… where did your handsome friend get off to?
FINA
You can leave his wine, he’ll be back.
BETTY
Tessa.
TESSA
Yes, young lady?
BETTY
Mulled wine, for the kid by the bar.
TESSA
I see him. Certainly.
Footsteps walking away.
FINA
(questioningly)
That was… nice.
BETTY
Kid blames himself.
VELUNE
What for, exactly?
BETTY
Thinks he led us into a trap.
FINA
Well, I mean technically–
VELUNE
(harshly scolding)
There’s no call for that. He didn’t know.
Footsteps approach, and a chair scoots.
FINA
Well, look who’s back.
STERLING
(grumpy)
If you’re finished mocking me, I’d like my drink.
FINA
It’s right there, pretty boy. Say, you almost got exsanguinated/turned into a creature of the night. You holding any ill feelings or grudges toward the kid for leading us there?
STERLING
Holding grudges is beneath a paladin of St. Cuthbert. If there is justice to be done, it must be done swiftly, not plotted like a conspiracy.
BETTY
(sarcastic)
Wow.
FINA
So like, no?
STERLING
No. Meltyre was unaware of his master’s change in fortune, and our little run-in was not his fault.
VELUNE
(sighs contentedly)
I am glad to see that we’re all on the same page.
FINA
Speaking of. Hey, kid.
MELTYRE
Uh, hi. Uh. Someone bought me a drink.
BETTY
Weird.
FINA
Oo, maybe you’ve got a secret admirer.
MELTYRE
(perplexed)
Why would I have a secret admirer?
STERLING
(annoyed)
Is your research proving fruitful?
MELTYRE
Hm? Oh, yeah, I found out how to break the curse. But you’re not going to like it.
VELUNE
Oh?
FINA
Do tell, magic man.
MELTYRE
Uh, the easy part is getting a hair from the head of the cursed person.
STERLING
That’s the easy part?
FINA
How are we supposed to do that? She’s still dragon-shaped.
MELTYRE
I’m sure she’s got a hairbrush lying around somewhere. It’s the rest of it I’m worried about.
VELUNE
Why is that?
MELTYRE
There’s the ritual itself, which is pretty long and complicated, but I think I can do it. And then there’s some ingredients…
(flipping pages)
Here, look.
A pause as they read the proffered book.
FINA
Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.
Theme song plays in the background.
TESSA THE INNKEEPER
Next time, on Inn Between…
STERLING
The Ephemeral Caverns are our best chance.
FINA
I’ve always wanted to go spelunking.
VELUNE
(laughing nervously)
Yes. What a…good idea.
Credits:
Episode 3, “The Kid” was written and directed by Hannah Wright, with assistant director William Wright.
The show is produced and edited by Katherine Ayers.
The voice of Sterling is Marquis Dijon Archuleta; The voice of Betty is Kaleigh Christopher; The voice of Fina is Riley Jones; The voice of Velune is Kira Mills; And the voice of Meltyre is Austin Mowat, with additional voices by Hannah Wright and Austin Mowat.
Fina’s guitar is played by Eli Isbell, and our theme song is by Eli McIlveen.
Want to know more about the inn? Visit us at thegoblinshead.com, or find us on twitter, and don’t forget to rate and subscribe so you don’t miss what happens next. Thanks for listening!
Tavern noises.
TESSA THE INNKEEPER
Ma’am I didn’t mean to imply…
Monstrous growl.
TESSA
No of course not all gnolls have fleas, I just…
More annoyed monstrous growl.
TESSA
Yes, of course, ma’am. Terribly sorry. May I get you a drink?